General Discussion

Orrex

(67,505 posts)

144. "That seemed to me like a very selective umbrage."

Sun Oct 27, 2013, 09:56 AM

Oct 2013

No, it's a response a term of derision coined by those who elect not to have children. As I noted, the term was not used much in this thread, but it's a common pejorative when the subject comes up.

I don't believe that I've ever seen anyone on DU called "selfish" simply for not wanting to have children, so I would be interested to read such accusations if someone can point me to them. I have seen people criticized for sentiments along the lines of "I don't want to have children because I want to possess insert expensive material object here instead," but that's a very different statement from "I don't want to have children."

Also, it's super-duper that you don't mind the term "non-breeder," and you are welcome to use that term or any other term for self-description. But when a term of denigration is slapped on you by another party, then it's not the same as embracing a description by your own choice.

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8 Silliest Things People Say When I Tell Them I Don't Want Kids [View all] PasadenaTrudy Oct 2013 OP

Never did want em and being over 50 yo I still don't want any ...even L0oniX Oct 2013 #1

heehee PasadenaTrudy Oct 2013 #3

PC is way over rated. L0oniX Oct 2013 #4

That reminds me PasadenaTrudy Oct 2013 #5

Another reason to like Bill Maher Plucketeer Oct 2013 #46

I only knew pipi_k Oct 2013 #12

Don't you just love it when they scream at the top of their lungs... virgdem Oct 2013 #70

I had a similar situation in a restaurant Awknid Oct 2013 #87

I would have answered: "So what happened to make you decide you didn't need to socialize your kids? Squinch Oct 2013 #113

well said. i had 1 child. i'm 72 DesertFlower Oct 2013 #133

"Do you want me to KILL him?" a mom screamed at me once in a restaurant. Peregrine Took Oct 2013 #158

To be honest, I can't stand kids either. Vashta Nerada Oct 2013 #20

I have a phobia of small children. Infants too. Chan790 Oct 2013 #29

Yeah PasadenaTrudy Oct 2013 #36

I actually like kids, but never had any desire for my own. Squinch Oct 2013 #112

I also like kids, and have to admit to entertaining the thought in my 30's. In retrospect, I feel adirondacker Oct 2013 #174

In my city neighborhood parents bring them into dark, candlelit restaurants. Peregrine Took Oct 2013 #157

I knew by the age of ten Warpy Oct 2013 #35

As someone who SheilaT Oct 2013 #2

My MIL passed not long ago, leaving behind a beautiful young daughter Nuclear Unicorn Oct 2013 #8

people do that with everything though hfojvt Oct 2013 #33

Bingo! SheilaT Oct 2013 #175

our society has a superiority complex. We have to feel to superior to someone so we can feel better liberal_at_heart Oct 2013 #73

+1000 cyberswede Oct 2013 #77

I'm not seeing any disparaging of people who have kids in this. Squinch Oct 2013 #115

Not in this article, but the sentiment is common enough Orrex Oct 2013 #138

As is the sentiment that people who don't have children are selfish. But if that sentiment Squinch Oct 2013 #143

"That seemed to me like a very selective umbrage." Orrex Oct 2013 #144

What makes the term "breeder" a denigration? Squinch Oct 2013 #145

Context Orrex Oct 2013 #146

So the term itself is not a denigration. Squinch Oct 2013 #147

Nor is any word, in itself. What's your point? Orrex Oct 2013 #148

That the term itself is not a denigration. Squinch Oct 2013 #149

No shit. Neither is "bitch" or "pussy" What's your point? Orrex Oct 2013 #150

You said the term was a denigration. It isn't. Squinch Oct 2013 #151

You can't be serious Orrex Oct 2013 #152

When ever someone tells me they don't want kids, i congratulate them hedgehog Oct 2013 #6

2. "You'll change your mind." Lady Freedom Returns Oct 2013 #7

I can answer that one. kentauros Oct 2013 #63

If we had a nickel for every time ~that~ happens... pauliedangerously Oct 2013 #72

breeders cyberswede Oct 2013 #75

I hate that rude, derogatory term laundry_queen Oct 2013 #83

So do I. cyberswede Oct 2013 #88

ha! I get that a lot. laundry_queen Oct 2013 #92

that is a hateful thing to say. liberal_at_heart Oct 2013 #96

"superior lifestyle of non-breeders" BULLSHIT! GreenStormCloud Oct 2013 #164

Thank you. SheilaT Oct 2013 #176

Anybody who doesn't know couples who should never have become parents...... Paladin Oct 2013 #9

"I love my friends' children. Because I don't have to take care of them." Egalitarian Thug Oct 2013 #10

Of the three pipi_k Oct 2013 #17

I sort of hate to point this out, SheilaT Oct 2013 #177

Actually enjoy traveling more with kids. efhmc Oct 2013 #198

A lot of married people see it as selfish, they like you and think there should be more of you... uponit7771 Oct 2013 #11

When the truth is there are definitely times when the opposite is true. cui bono Oct 2013 #15

My thoughts exactly... pipi_k Oct 2013 #22

so many ways of having children Chaco Dundee Oct 2013 #50

Yep... pipi_k Oct 2013 #58

my thoughts Chaco Dundee Oct 2013 #80

+1 uponit7771 Oct 2013 #28

Yup. I've been told I was selfish for not wanting kids. bobja Oct 2013 #34

Yeah I heard "selfish" mentioned recently by a coworker too DaveJ Oct 2013 #78

Having kids is not for everyone. Warren DeMontague Oct 2013 #89

Not to my face, she said "her sister thinks" kidless people are selfish DaveJ Oct 2013 #94

Thank god my kids slept a lot later than that. SheilaT Oct 2013 #179

Heh. I'm with you, there. Warren DeMontague Oct 2013 #187

That just bamboozles me. I hear it reasonably often too. I don't choose the lifestyle Squinch Oct 2013 #120

I've seen those who want kids termed selfish. SheilaT Oct 2013 #178

After my parents split, my father disappeared...I'd hear regularly.."We shouldn't have had children" Tikki Oct 2013 #13

I can relate to that Awknid Oct 2013 #95

Once..you grow to understand, maybe even twice�but many times sends a message... Tikki Oct 2013 #98

Yikes! Bay Boy Oct 2013 #99

I married into the best, kindest, real family.. Tikki Oct 2013 #100

I've never once had a desire to have kids, but I can remember as a little girl thinking about cui bono Oct 2013 #14

You have nicely summed up SheilaT Oct 2013 #180

Hell, if a stranger gave me crap for choosing to not have kids, I would give them crap for having cui bono Oct 2013 #16

If a stranger gave me crap for having kids Warren DeMontague Oct 2013 #109

Sometimes nothing is stated but you get that look like.... Peregrine Took Oct 2013 #159

Useless eaters get the red out Oct 2013 #161

What?? SheilaT Oct 2013 #181

I'm a male in my early 30s. Vashta Nerada Oct 2013 #18

Honesty is best... pipi_k Oct 2013 #27

Hey! Me too! n/t Chan790 Oct 2013 #31

I went through that too PasadenaTrudy Oct 2013 #38

That is not selfish at all get the red out Oct 2013 #53

Been there! dorkzilla Oct 2013 #106

How wonderful that the nieces and nephews adored you. SheilaT Oct 2013 #182

I love my daughters immensely.... but this parenting shit is HARD scheming daemons Oct 2013 #19

+1! Cha Oct 2013 #139

I have two sons. SheilaT Oct 2013 #183

Cats are cheaper and easier to train. Tierra_y_Libertad Oct 2013 #21

No way. Gormy Cuss Oct 2013 #68

Compared to kids? Tierra_y_Libertad Oct 2013 #82

In my experience antiquie Oct 2013 #153

Cats are cheaper, but NOT easier to train. GreenStormCloud Oct 2013 #165

I love children... GliderGuider Oct 2013 #23

You need PasadenaTrudy Oct 2013 #40

"That's selfish" is not on the list? Capt. Obvious Oct 2013 #24

Oh yes get the red out Oct 2013 #39

I don't need to have children; but if I wanted to raise children, I'd adopt of foster. haele Oct 2013 #25

I appreciate your choice and am glad you are Skidmore Oct 2013 #26

The sermonizing comes at us also get the red out Oct 2013 #42

The bottom line is that, regardless of the choice you make, Skidmore Oct 2013 #114

^^^^^^thank you^^^^^^^^ zazen Oct 2013 #59

Our country in general and corporate culture specifically could do a way better job of supporting Warren DeMontague Oct 2013 #110

The lack of support for SheilaT Oct 2013 #184

Did she compare having kids to being in a gang bang? joeglow3 Oct 2013 #30

Actually.... no get the red out Oct 2013 #49

No. Iggo Oct 2013 #81

Never wanted kids, but had two. RebelOne Oct 2013 #32

Prepare Rover1 Oct 2013 #52

So WTF does that mean? Love some elaboration... Agschmid Oct 2013 #61

I think it means that culturally, you get what you give. IdaBriggs Oct 2013 #97

I think having children as a "retirement plan" is unfair to the children. Squinch Oct 2013 #127

especially daughters, since it is assumed they will take on the burden bettyellen Oct 2013 #135

Which, in most cases, they must. And this becomes part of the argument that is being made Squinch Oct 2013 #142

Yep, it's like claiming none of this is "work" because there is no paycheck!!! bettyellen Oct 2013 #156

Depends on the culture. In the United States, it is the daughters. IdaBriggs Oct 2013 #163

in America is seems to fall heavily on the daughters, it did in my case bettyellen Oct 2013 #170

Truth. My mother was the "main person" including dealing with the paperwork. IdaBriggs Oct 2013 #171

I believe I covered that in my post. IdaBriggs Oct 2013 #162

More to the point, those who don't have kids, SheilaT Oct 2013 #185

Truth at all levels. IdaBriggs Oct 2013 #197

I have invested plenty in my kids. RebelOne Oct 2013 #103

welcome to DU gopiscrap Oct 2013 #118

Thanks for posting this get the red out Oct 2013 #37

You are welcome! PasadenaTrudy Oct 2013 #43

I belong to one also get the red out Oct 2013 #51

I'm 49 too! PasadenaTrudy Oct 2013 #124

I don't know what else this was all for if not children LittleBlue Oct 2013 #41

I never wanted to get married or have kids and I love my life! Walk away Oct 2013 #130

Wow. There are a lot of people on this thread who hated themselves Fawke Em Oct 2013 #44

If you really want to know... pipi_k Oct 2013 #48

Same here. GliderGuider Oct 2013 #55

The amnesia thing... pipi_k Oct 2013 #62

I'm very fortunate in that regard GliderGuider Oct 2013 #66

If that's the case, then... pipi_k Oct 2013 #71

Wow. Fawke Em Oct 2013 #191

I do not hate children get the red out Oct 2013 #56

You have a dog in your profile.q Fawke Em Oct 2013 #192

I don't fully understand your response get the red out Oct 2013 #196

That is so illogical PasadenaTrudy Oct 2013 #123

Not really, since I remember when I was three. Fawke Em Oct 2013 #193

That makes very little sense. Squinch Oct 2013 #126

It makes little sense to hate people who aren't adults, too. Fawke Em Oct 2013 #194

If men say they don't want kids, they're looked upon as a sage of some sort. AAO Oct 2013 #45

Because women have time limits on childbearing & men don't (except for death). johnlucas Oct 2013 #131

"Oh, but you'll change you mind once you HAVE a baby! You'll fall in love with it." kestrel91316 Oct 2013 #47

I think what most of them don't know pipi_k Oct 2013 #54

if you have a shortage, I must have a surplus laundry_queen Oct 2013 #93

You probably pipi_k Oct 2013 #169

I have never been able to handle the screaming, or the very idea of diapers. kestrel91316 Oct 2013 #116

Good point. Warren DeMontague Oct 2013 #108

The world would be a much better place if the people who don't WANT kids kestrel91316 Oct 2013 #117

I agree 100%. Warren DeMontague Oct 2013 #119

Thankfully I am too old for these stupid comments now. redstatebluegirl Oct 2013 #57

I think I may skip this thread. I've seen some pretty nasty remarks made to parents in these kinds liberal_at_heart Oct 2013 #60

You mean you don't like being called a "breeder" and hearing about your "spawn"? Warren DeMontague Oct 2013 #85

I've always admired good parents Awknid Oct 2013 #101

I do not give people who chose to have kids a hard time. redstatebluegirl Oct 2013 #104

I have two kids, and two grandkids, and they're all great. HERVEPA Oct 2013 #64

Childless is not by choice get the red out Oct 2013 #86

"Child-free" is a hostile response to the negativity of "childless" BeyondGeography Oct 2013 #155

Thanks for the very well-thought-out and written post. I agree. HERVEPA Oct 2013 #160

ROFL '...my body is also capable of a gang bang...' CarrieLynne Oct 2013 #65

These silly responses seemingly always come from those locdlib Oct 2013 #67

Your position is noble. FrodosPet Oct 2013 #69

I can come up with better. ZombieHorde Oct 2013 #74

people who honestly give a shit how other people choose to live their lives Warren DeMontague Oct 2013 #76

What's the fun in that? (kidding) DaveJ Oct 2013 #84

well said. liberal_at_heart Oct 2013 #90

They are numerous though get the red out Oct 2013 #91

EVERYONE is deficient in some fundamental way FrodosPet Oct 2013 #102

There is a wide chasm between consideration for others and lecturing them about their personal lives Warren DeMontague Oct 2013 #105

I love kids. Iggo Oct 2013 #79

It's still a blast to go through the motions. Spitfire of ATJ Oct 2013 #125

i had 1 child with my first husband. DesertFlower Oct 2013 #107

Hi, I'm Dorkzilla, I'm 48 and childfree by choice (hullo Dorkzilla)... dorkzilla Oct 2013 #111

Main reason to have kids: Immortality jeff47 Oct 2013 #121

Someone had to do it... Spitfire of ATJ Oct 2013 #122

That is hilarious! Brigid Oct 2013 #134

I cannot begin to imagine having a child SheilaT Oct 2013 #186

Tantrums aren't unique to humans as any parrot owner will tell you. Spitfire of ATJ Oct 2013 #188

My parents claim my sister and I didn't throw tantrums in public kcr Oct 2013 #190

Childfree Polly Hennessey Oct 2013 #128

Best decision ever! mentalsolstice Oct 2013 #129

I'm past the point now, kiva Oct 2013 #132

I have to say: Being a (single) parent was very hard. panader0 Oct 2013 #136

Childless, but not necessarily by choice. Brigid Oct 2013 #137

I admire people who deliberately choose to be child-free steve2470 Oct 2013 #140

I wish my mother never had children. Ino Oct 2013 #141

~ antiquie Oct 2013 #154

amen and thank you! magical thyme Oct 2013 #166

"It's a blast!"???????????? MissMillie Oct 2013 #167

happily willfully barren loyalsister Oct 2013 #168

I'm a 42 year old woman who is childfree and I hear this stupid shit all the time! Liberal_Stalwart71 Oct 2013 #172

"You're not a real woman until you're a mother" LadyHawkAZ Oct 2013 #173

To me, now that I am 65, SheilaT Oct 2013 #189

I get the "what will you do when you're old" line quite a bit. Marr Oct 2013 #195