Men with beards are more attractive, healthier, research says

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90. I've Had A Richard The Lionheart......

........since I was 16. I keep it religiously trimmed to the length of a number 4 clipper head, and I shave the rest of my face with a straight razor in order to keep the beard's lines without variation, as well as the rest of my face and neck as smooth as a baby's butt.

I don't seem to have much trouble keeping the food that I eat out of it, but then again, I do eat with a fork and a knife, and the size portions that I place in my mouth closely resemble those of a civilized society.

My beard has now changed to the colour of silver, while the hair on my head has remained brown, so I usually wear a cap to cover the difference. But I guess I am doing it for myself because no one in this red neck culture seems to notice. Most of the dudes who have beards look like they just moved here from Appalachia (complete with nits), as they drive around town in their pick-up trucks with dual American flags mounted to each side of the cab.

There is another area of myself that I also shave smooth because I have found that it increases the sensation of the ultimate act, as experienced by both parties; except in that case, I use a safety razor instead.