General Discussion

enjoylife1966

(3 posts)

188. just my two cents

Wed Nov 13, 2013, 10:21 PM

Nov 2013

I actually stepped away from my multiyear lurking on this forum and created an account just to comment on this post. I'm really uncomfortable with the viewpoint that adoptees are damaged and spend their lives seeking to fill some unspoken emptiness in their lives. I was adopted as an infant, and have no issues whatsoever with feeling abandoned, etc. If anything, I always felt a little more special because I was specifically chosen (and this is how my parents presented adoption). My real parents are, and always have been, the people who cared for me, raised me, and continue to love me as I do them. I do feel for those who feel some loss, but I have yet to have one of my friends who are adoptees express this feelings - weare all to busy living happy, complete, and loving lives.

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

210 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

Adoption is not an alternative to abortion. [View all] boston bean Nov 2013 OP

Plenty of women feel that it is. FBaggins Nov 2013 #1

For a very small percentage of women it is of course a choice they could make. boston bean Nov 2013 #3

I fully agree. NCTraveler Nov 2013 #39

Just as overwhelming majority of women decide to abort. Would be nice if everyone else minded their idwiyo Nov 2013 #10

Adoption is a parenting decision, abortion is a childbearing decision. ehrnst Nov 2013 #54

Thanks ehrnst! boston bean Nov 2013 #68

New plan... You shush and let people make their own decisions... Decaffeinated Nov 2013 #2

Of course, but I am discussing the issue from the side where boston bean Nov 2013 #5

I would love to see your research on this insanity. peace13 Nov 2013 #4

I didn't say it was. There's lots of other reasons. boston bean Nov 2013 #6

Do yourself a favor and delete this OP! peace13 Nov 2013 #9

I don't understand what you find so objectionable boston bean Nov 2013 #12

I object to your main premise that some women are just too selfish to have a baby and give it away! peace13 Nov 2013 #22

wow.... you say a I said lot of things I never said. keep on truckin. boston bean Nov 2013 #24

Wow, I didn't get that at all from the OP. blueamy66 Nov 2013 #106

Where did you get that from the OP! kcr Nov 2013 #128

The non-sequiter approach... immoderate Nov 2013 #131

true Blue_Roses Nov 2013 #200

You should do yourself a favor and hide the thread! Sheldon Cooper Nov 2013 #13

I can't see you! Thanks! peace13 Nov 2013 #15

No problem! Sheldon Cooper Nov 2013 #49

they said "You should do yourself a favor and hide the thread!" Scout Nov 2013 #157

here are stats that google brings to me hfojvt Nov 2013 #46

Why do you think more women choose abortion over adoption... boston bean Nov 2013 #50

or it could be because that is how they are taught hfojvt Nov 2013 #77

ah, so women should be taught differently.... I see.... boston bean Nov 2013 #79

you understand that if a pregnancy is carried to term, the father has to PeaceNikki Nov 2013 #87

also, carrying a pregnancy term and delivery is far more dangerous than early termination PeaceNikki Nov 2013 #89

Adoption is not a viable choice for some OwnedByCats Nov 2013 #146

can you provide data showing there is a shortage of children in the system who need homes? PeaceNikki Nov 2013 #86

shortage of BABIES, not children blueamy66 Nov 2013 #108

uh, no... children need homes. PeaceNikki Nov 2013 #110

I realize that. blueamy66 Nov 2013 #145

Have you ever been around pregnant females or talked to those getting abortions? Ever? uppityperson Nov 2013 #91

+100000000000 Gormy Cuss Nov 2013 #127

Adoption is an alternative to raising a child; not to being pregnant or giving birth REP Nov 2013 #154

Wow you make a lot of assumptions gollygee Nov 2013 #162

Dying in childbirth isn't solved by adoption. Hissyspit Nov 2013 #178

Honestly, this is what we need. musical_soul Nov 2013 #208

Are you advising women to not have sex until they are married and financially stable? uppityperson Nov 2013 #210

Fewer than 2% of women surrender their newborn infants for adoption REP Nov 2013 #153

Also, not all abortions are of adoptable babies. Ian David Nov 2013 #7

My understanding is that there is a shortage of healthy, white baies for adoption... TreasonousBastard Nov 2013 #152

Agree: adoption is the alternative to parenting Small Accumulates Nov 2013 #8

Whether or not people should choose OwnedByCats Nov 2013 #11

Of course. I feel the same way. Don't know what makes you think I don't. boston bean Nov 2013 #14

I understand. You find other people's opinions objectionable .... oldhippie Nov 2013 #16

I guess I have a right to say that I find positions that advocate forced birth boston bean Nov 2013 #18

But you try to deny that right to others ..... oldhippie Nov 2013 #25

Actually, I'm pretty sure that it's me others are trying to silence. boston bean Nov 2013 #28

I haven't seen too many others get into it with Skinner .... oldhippie Nov 2013 #30

I know asking admin to support choice is just way to much to ask and out of bounds. boston bean Nov 2013 #32

Thank you for reinforcing the point oldhippie Nov 2013 #34

In your opinion. Again, I look forward to your condemnation boston bean Nov 2013 #35

the democratic party is pro-choice: its the official party position noiretextatique Nov 2013 #176

Don't know where you got that; presumably from a different conversation MH1 Nov 2013 #69

Isn't that what you are Chiding her about, that she should be quiet? uppityperson Nov 2013 #92

Absolutely not. Just the opposite .... oldhippie Nov 2013 #115

sorry, still don't want to have to read anti choice crap here. boston bean Nov 2013 #142

So we have come full circle. At least you admit it .... oldhippie Nov 2013 #164

Admit what? Deny what?? That anti choice bullshit is offensive boston bean Nov 2013 #165

how silly. this is a democratic site and the party's position is pro-choice noiretextatique Nov 2013 #177

I don't think you will find any anti-choice opinions here ...... oldhippie Nov 2013 #180

well...this is a pro-choice site noiretextatique Nov 2013 #204

Whether one should choose adoption over abortion is entirely dependent upon the woman OwnedByCats Nov 2013 #21

How does someone thinking you should CHOOSE adoption over abortion limit CHOICE? Captain Stern Nov 2013 #102

Exactly. HappyMe Nov 2013 #104

I believe you feel the same way OwnedByCats Nov 2013 #137

Remember that adoption, unlike abortion, is not solely the womans choice. Xithras Nov 2013 #84

Wow! Another good point! I hadn't thought of that. But what you state is true! boston bean Nov 2013 #85

That's true OwnedByCats Nov 2013 #138

beautiful reply, thank you Scout Nov 2013 #159

an idiot tx "legislator" keeps proposing a bill that would make it mandatory to take an "adoption niyad Nov 2013 #99

I don't think a course is necessary OwnedByCats Nov 2013 #140

"making a woman aware of options"??? because, without a course, mandatory or not, she has no niyad Nov 2013 #187

I happen to be a woman, and no I don't mean to say ALL OwnedByCats Nov 2013 #205

anti-choice authoritarians consider adoption an alternative noiretextatique Nov 2013 #174

if I urge you to "choose life" hfojvt Nov 2013 #17

Why do you feel the right to "urge" a pregnant person to chose anything? URGING them is trying to uppityperson Nov 2013 #93

women choosing their own life isn't acceptable enough for you? PeaceNikki Nov 2013 #95

But why do you feel that you're entitled to have an opinion at all? Sheldon Cooper Nov 2013 #97

Probably something along the lines of... TreasonousBastard Nov 2013 #150

No, you do not have any sort of 'obligation' to make your concerns known. Sheldon Cooper Nov 2013 #151

Why not? If I have a friend going through a rough time... TreasonousBastard Nov 2013 #156

What other valid medical procedures are considered "going down the wrong path..."? LanternWaste Nov 2013 #175

Who said anything about "going down the wrong path", but... TreasonousBastard Nov 2013 #183

it's not an obligation hfojvt Nov 2013 #201

Urging someone to do what you think is best gollygee Nov 2013 #170

A friend of mine Le Taz Hot Nov 2013 #19

I agree. Thanks for the post. boston bean Nov 2013 #20

Kicking for peace13! demmiblue Nov 2013 #23

. boston bean Nov 2013 #26

Oh yeah, Le Taz Hot Nov 2013 #27

K&R! me b zola Nov 2013 #70

lol PeaceNikki Nov 2013 #51

Being pro-choice means you have a choice. HappyMe Nov 2013 #29

"What somebody thinks about an issue personally doesn't take away another person's choice" boston bean Nov 2013 #31

But here's the thing - anybody can HappyMe Nov 2013 #44

happy, why do think we are having attacks on womens rights? boston bean Nov 2013 #45

If they are saying that abortion should be illegal, HappyMe Nov 2013 #62

Persons who feel that women should choose adoption over abortion boston bean Nov 2013 #64

That sounds like a moral judgement joeglow3 Nov 2013 #71

LOL boston bean Nov 2013 #72

Forgot the sarcasm tag joeglow3 Nov 2013 #76

do you consider restrictions, barriers, lack of availability and additional costs to be an attack on PeaceNikki Nov 2013 #66

Yeah, those things would be an attack. HappyMe Nov 2013 #73

Ok just to explain again what is meant by "rare" OwnedByCats Nov 2013 #160

I think you need to read through some more of the responses boston bean Nov 2013 #161

Well then we must have some OwnedByCats Nov 2013 #163

So just to be clear ... OwnedByCats Nov 2013 #166

Here's my standard c&p reply PeaceNikki Nov 2013 #186

I do agree, I think the frequency comes about when talking OwnedByCats Nov 2013 #207

But as a society we impose our morals upon one another whopis01 Nov 2013 #111

I will reply to you in a bit. HappyMe Nov 2013 #117

"... do you distinguish your personal morals from others?" oldhippie Nov 2013 #126

I don't know that I find abortion morally wrong, HappyMe Nov 2013 #136

Thinking it is morally wrong to have an abortion for oneself is fine. boston bean Nov 2013 #139

I can think what ever the hell I want. HappyMe Nov 2013 #143

of course you can. I can too. boston bean Nov 2013 #144

Individual morals work well as long as they are kept to oneself whopis01 Nov 2013 #168

Difficult topic to discuss get the red out Nov 2013 #33

It is difficult, because adoption is obviously a choice one may make boston bean Nov 2013 #42

"Adoption is not an alternative to abortion." NCTraveler Nov 2013 #36

The first paragraph is actually a 2-stage decision jeff47 Nov 2013 #58

Pretty simple. NCTraveler Nov 2013 #65

Except even in the cases you describe, there are 4 options. jeff47 Nov 2013 #83

Once again, pretty simple. nt. NCTraveler Nov 2013 #88

Then why did your post say that wasn't the case? jeff47 Nov 2013 #96

Because deciding to carry to term and give up the child for adoption... NCTraveler Nov 2013 #98

You Know This How? nt RobinA Nov 2013 #118

Because the second decision is moot without the first. jeff47 Nov 2013 #125

I knew I would have gotten family pressure to not put an infant up for adoption. Starry Messenger Nov 2013 #37

This post is spectacular. Raine1967 Nov 2013 #59

Thanks. These last couple of days have been tough here at DU. Starry Messenger Nov 2013 #81

I Was 21, just out of college. Raine1967 Nov 2013 #82

Thanks to you both for sharing your experiences! boston bean Nov 2013 #101

Cosign all of that. Your last point is dead on. Starry Messenger Nov 2013 #133

If a woman sees adoption as an alternative to abortion, I respect her choice. Nye Bevan Nov 2013 #38

I respect the choice. boston bean Nov 2013 #43

I totally agree libodem Nov 2013 #40

also adoption can be quite traumatic for the women who give up their kids. La Lioness Priyanka Nov 2013 #41

Yes, very true. boston bean Nov 2013 #47

I could never resent my birthmother for giving me up. Marrah_G Nov 2013 #182

i am sure most kids don't but if you hear anti-abortion activists talk about abortion La Lioness Priyanka Nov 2013 #195

I hope you have a place in your life for her. I can't imagine that she doesn't love you with her StevieM Nov 2013 #197

"These things are very complicated, humans are complicated creatures" Jeff In Milwaukee Nov 2013 #48

ummm yeah, less interference from nutty right wing pro forced birthers boston bean Nov 2013 #53

And adoption is a choice... Jeff In Milwaukee Nov 2013 #123

of course adoption is a choice, what is not choice boston bean Nov 2013 #132

Perhaps you should have included that sentiment in your OP (nt) Jeff In Milwaukee Nov 2013 #134

Adoption is an alternative to parenthood, not childbirth. ehrnst Nov 2013 #52

I wouldn't want to give birth to a baby ( that I carried for 9 months.) and give it up Auntie Bush Nov 2013 #55

Yes this one of the reasons some women don't choose adoption OwnedByCats Nov 2013 #148

Of course it is -- for some women. You're making a blanket statement pnwmom Nov 2013 #56

I agree wholeheartedly. Not sure what makes you think I don't. boston bean Nov 2013 #61

Many don't make a free choice, either; they are coerced by the for-profit agencies REP Nov 2013 #172

That was true in the period cited in the book -- 1945 to 1973. pnwmom Nov 2013 #173

If only that were so. REP Nov 2013 #181

Do you have more recent data to point to? pnwmom Nov 2013 #185

There are roughly eight times more abortions than adoptions in the U.S. Prism Nov 2013 #57

It seems to me as though most who say, SheilaT Nov 2013 #60

Thank you for stating this so succinctly and getting it. boston bean Nov 2013 #63

Excellent post. nt. MH1 Nov 2013 #75

I completely agree Brainstormy Nov 2013 #67

I guess I would word it slightly differently... ljm2002 Nov 2013 #74

A woman should decide what's best for her. Vashta Nerada Nov 2013 #78

I certainly would like to. boston bean Nov 2013 #80

But You Never Do nt RobinA Nov 2013 #120

Excellent post - and KT2000 Nov 2013 #90

Abortion is about continuing a pregnancy or not. Adoption is about what you do after giving birth. uppityperson Nov 2013 #94

in glancing over the responses very quickly, I notice that the adoption proponents made no niyad Nov 2013 #100

and those risks are FAR greater than early termination PeaceNikki Nov 2013 #112

I had to stop reading them and just scroll down to post a reply of support. whttevrr Nov 2013 #121

See here for the psychological sequelae women face with adoption: REP Nov 2013 #155

There are also financial and social consequences gollygee Nov 2013 #171

For laws or lawmakers to conflate the two is wrong. Orsino Nov 2013 #103

The problem is not considering adoption as an alternative to abortion whopis01 Nov 2013 #105

You know what it is when you get right down to it.... Spitfire of ATJ Nov 2013 #107

Exactly. there isn't a shortage of children who are in desperate need of homes. PeaceNikki Nov 2013 #113

Others may not but I agree with your premise..... Avalux Nov 2013 #109

Forced birthing is a scary thought for this man, can't imagine what its like for a woman... whttevrr Nov 2013 #114

My birth control failed. bravenak Nov 2013 #116

I'm sorry you went through that and I am sorry about your friend. PeaceNikki Nov 2013 #122

I thank you. bravenak Nov 2013 #124

You did the right thing OwnedByCats Nov 2013 #149

That's why I don't think people should give advice unless asked for it. bravenak Nov 2013 #167

I agree completely OwnedByCats Nov 2013 #169

I don't think that statement is categorically correct....... Swede Atlanta Nov 2013 #119

As already stated by so many here, adoption is an alternative to raising a child. ieoeja Nov 2013 #158

Adoption is not an alternative to abortion for women needing an abortion abelenkpe Nov 2013 #129

No such thing as "a little bit pregnant"...you are either pregnant or you are not pregnant. Lars39 Nov 2013 #130

Adoption can occur after pregnancy provided the baby is healthy! peace13 Nov 2013 #135

Good point... SidDithers Nov 2013 #141

Reproductive health decisions = between a woman & her physician TBF Nov 2013 #147

wow...you really got some crazy responses noiretextatique Nov 2013 #179

My late mother was adopted CountAllVotes Nov 2013 #184

just my two cents enjoylife1966 Nov 2013 #188

The adoptees I've known are all over the spectrum when it comes to how they feel about it. winter is coming Nov 2013 #189

Ok. boston bean Nov 2013 #190

Thanks for the welcome enjoylife1966 Nov 2013 #191

I don't question the quality of your adoptive parents. But I don't believe it is correct to say StevieM Nov 2013 #198

Frankly BB, this post and the others on adoption have had some hurtful things in them Marrah_G Nov 2013 #194

Of course adoption is a valid choice. boston bean Nov 2013 #196

welcome to DU gopiscrap Nov 2013 #192

Thank you for saying that Marrah_G Nov 2013 #193

Such an absolute. Are you sure? flvegan Nov 2013 #199

Ummmm..... it pretty much is, if you are pregnant and don't want to raise a child. Nye Bevan Nov 2013 #202

That is like saying - Abortion is not an alternative to birth control. cbdo2007 Nov 2013 #203

Adoption is a painful decision. musical_soul Nov 2013 #206

Reputable abortion providers can accurately tell how far along you are. Good grief. uppityperson Nov 2013 #209