16 People On Things They Couldn’t Believe About America Until They Moved Here

[1monster]

37. Here you go. I tend to like the Scots, myself, but the English translation is cool too.

To a Louse
by Robert Burns
modern English translation by Michael R. Burch

Ha! Whare ye gaun, ye crowlin ferlie? Hey! Where're you going, you crawling hair-fly?
Your impudence protects you sairly, Your impudence protects you, barely;
I canna say but ye strut rarely I can only say that you swagger rarely
Owre gauze and lace, Over gauze and lace.
Tho' faith! I fear ye dine but sparely Though faith! I fear you dine but sparely
On sic a place. In such a place.

Ye ugly, creepin, blastit wonner, You ugly, creeping, blasted wonder,
Detested, shunn'd by saunt an' sinner, Detested, shunned by both saint and sinner,
How daur ye set your fit upon her— How dare you set your feet upon her—
Sae fine a lady! So fine a lady!
Gae somewhere else and seek your dinner Go somewhere else to seek your dinner
On some poor body. On some poor body.

Swith! in some beggar's hauffet squattle: Off! around some beggar's temple shamble:
There you may creep, and sprawl, and sprattle There you may creep, and sprawl, and scramble,
Wi' ither kindred, jumping cattle, With other kindred, jumping cattle,
In shoals and nations; In shoals and nations;
Whare horn nor bane ne'er daur unsettle Where horn nor bone never dare unsettle
Your thick plantations. Your thick plantations.

Now haud you there! ye're out o' sight, Now hold you there! You're out of sight,
Below the fatt'rils, snug an' tight; Below the folderols, snug and tight;
Na, faith ye yet! ye'll no be right, No, faith just yet! You'll not be right,
Till ye've got on it— Till you've got on it:
The vera tapmost, tow'ring height The very topmost, towering height
O' miss's bonnet. Of miss's bonnet.

My sooth! right bauld ye set your nose out My word! right bold you root, contrary,
As plump an' grey as onie grozet: As plump and gray as any gooseberry.
O for some rank, mercurial rozet, Oh, for some rank, mercurial resin,
Or fell, red smeddum, Or dread red poison;
I'd gie ye sic a hearty dose o't, I'd give you such a hearty dose, flea,
Wad dress your droddum! It'd dress your noggin!

I wad na been surpris'd to spy I wouldn't be surprised to spy
You on an auld wife's flainen toy: You on some housewife's flannel tie:
Or aiblins some bit duddie boy, Or maybe on some ragged boy's
On's wyliecoat; Pale undervest;
But Miss's fine Lunardi! fye! But Miss's finest bonnet! Fie!
How daur ye do't. How dare you jest?

O Jenny, dinna toss your head, Oh Jenny, do not toss your head,
An' set your beauties a' abread! And lash your lovely braids abroad!
You little ken what cursed speed You hardly know what cursed speed
The blastie's makin! The creature's making!
Thae winks an' finger-ends, I dread, Those winks and finger-ends, I dread,
Are notice takin'! Are notice-taking!

O wad some Power the giftie gie us O would some Power with vision teach us
To see oursels as ithers see us! To see ourselves as others see us!
It wad frae monie a blunder free us, It would from many a blunder free us,
An' foolish notion: And foolish notions:
What airs in dress an' gait wad lea'e us, What airs in dress and carriage would leave us,
An' ev'n devotion! And even devotion!


[b[To a Mouse
by Robert Burns
modern English translation by Michael R. Burch

Wee, sleeket, cowran, tim'rous beastie, Sleek, tiny, timorous, cowering beast,
O, what panic's in thy breastie! why's such panic in your breast?
Thou need na start awa sae hasty, Why dash away, so quick, so rash,
Wi' bickering brattle! in a frenzied flash
I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee, when I would be loath to run after you
Wi' murd'ring pattle! with a murderous plowstaff!

I'm truly sorry Man's dominion I'm truly sorry Man's dominion
Has broken Nature's social union, has broken Nature's social union,
An' justifies that ill opinion, and justifies that bad opinion
Which makes thee startle, which makes you startle,
At me, thy poor, earth-born companion, when I'm your poor, earth-born companion
An' fellow-mortal! and fellow mortal!

I doubt na, whyles, but thou may thieve; I have no doubt you sometimes thieve;
What then? poor beastie, thou maun live! What of it, friend? You too must live!
A daimen-icker in a thrave A random corn-ear in a shock's
'S a sma' request: a small behest; it-
I'll get a blessin wi' the lave, 'll give me a blessing to know such a loss;
An' never miss't! I'll never miss it!

Thy wee-bit housie, too, in ruin! Your tiny house lies in a ruin,
It's silly wa's the win's are strewin! its fragile walls wind-rent and strewn!
An' naething, now, to big a new ane, Now nothing's left to construct you a new one
O' foggage green! of mosses green
An' bleak December's winds ensuin, since bleak December's winds, ensuing,
Baith snell an' keen! blow fast and keen!

Thou saw the fields laid bare an' wast, You saw your fields laid bare and waste
An' weary Winter comin fast, with weary winter closing fast,
An' cozie here, beneath the blast, and cozy here, beneath the blast,
Thou thought to dwell, you thought to dwell,
Till crash! the cruel coulter past till crash! the cruel iron ploughshare passed
Out thro' thy cell. straight through your cell!

That wee-bit heap o' leaves an' stibble, That flimsy heap of leaves and stubble
Has cost thee monie a weary nibble! had cost you many a weary nibble!
Now thou's turn'd out, for a' thy trouble, Now you're turned out, for all your trouble,
But house or hald. less house and hold,
To thole the Winter's sleety dribble, to endure cold winter's icy dribble
An' cranreuch cauld! and hoarfrosts cold!

But Mousie, thou are no thy-lane, But mouse-friend, you are not alone
In proving foresight may be vain: in proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men, the best-laid schemes of Mice and Men
Gang aft agley, go oft awry,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain, and leave us only grief and pain,
For promis'd joy! f or promised joy!

Still, thou art blest, compar'd wi' me! Still, friend, you're blessed compared with me!
The present only toucheth thee: Only present dangers make you flee:
But Och! I backward cast my e'e, But, ouch!, behind me I can see
On prospects drear! grim prospects drear!
An' forward, tho' I canna see, While forward-looking seers, we
I guess an' fear! humans guess and fear!