...For me I have a very flexible schedule that allows me to schedule appointments any time of day, any day of the week. I work close to home and to my son's and my doctors, and have flexbile hours. So those wait times I'm giving are without any other factors than "I want to schedule an appointment. LIterally give me your first available time slot." So I can only imagine that it's 20 times harder if you don't have the kind of flexibility I do.
One of the most upsetting things I've ever seen was when my son was doing an extended stay in ta children's hospital, and there were long term care kids there. Their parents often times couldn't make it to see them because of their work schedules so they would at times have to go days, sometimes even a full week before they could visit their child at the hospital. Forget how tortorous that must be on a parent/child relationship, how are you on top of that able to advocate for their care and talk to doctors and if necessary argue and fight with doctors (which I learned quickly is also a large part of our healthcare system, even when they have the best of intentions).
What I've been through with my son was difficult and my wife and I were thankfully barely able to keep it together through all of it. And we have all the resources that anyone can be expected to have in terms of flexible job hours, close location to lots of good doctors, great insurance from both our companies, and tons of supportive family close by. I can't even fathom how it's done without those resources.