Rude Pundit:Pleasures in Everyday Life, Part 1: Restaurant Impossible and Mainstreaming LGBT Couples

[Capt. Obvious]

13. I can't get enough of Chopped

The rules to Chopped:

1) If you win the dessert round, you lose.

2) If you recently lost a close family member (cousins don't count), you win.

3) Wear a funny hat or have a mohawk, you make it to the final round.

4) If you're a heavy set, African American woman, you're almost always the first one out; occasionally the second.

5) If you're competing on Chopped to "show my kid(s) I made something of myself", you lose.

6) If you're competing on Chopped to "show my parents I made something of myself", you make it to the final round.