Today has been the worst day of my life

[ladyVet]

85. No, no and, in case you missed it: NO.

Oh, marriages can survive infidelity. Oh, men can't talk about their feelings. There's something worth saving. Bull and shit.

I just don't believe this crap. He made a conscious choice to have an affair. Nobody held a gun to his head. He was thinking straight enough to lie about what was going on, and hide what he was doing.

My advice:

#1 First thing Monday morning, go get at least half of any savings and checking out of the bank. Do it before he clears the accounts. Think he won't? You didn't think he'd cheat on you, either. Be safe, rather than sorry. Think of your children, if you can't think of yourself.

#2 Next, go straight to a divorce lawyer and get proceedings started. Don't wait for him to do it. Don't wait for him to decide he's made a mistake.. Make sure you get someone who will fight for you and your children.

#3 Kick his ass out. Unless the lawyer says otherwise, don't leave the home. He should leave.

#4 Don't even think about taking him back. Not now, and not ever.

#5 Get a counselor for you and the children. Divorce doesn't have to be the worse thing for them or for you.

#6 He's in the wrong, not you. You don't have anything to feel guilty about. Remember, he's the one who cheated, whether there was a physical relationship or not (and I'd bet there was, no matter what he says).

I say all of this as a woman who's been through it. My sons were 14 and 12. I wish I'd gotten some counseling for them, and for me. I might have not walked into another bad relationship if I had, and my youngest might not have believed stuff his father said and hated me. I had to finally tell them why the marriage ended. That was hard.

The ex told me once, he didn't know what I was so upset about, it wasn't like I had any feelings. I tried and tried to make the marriage work. I went years being the only person who tried, while he cheated on me over and over again. Guess who got blamed for that?

After two nervous breakdowns, I finally got strong enough to kick him out. Think of all that time I wasted on a man who didn't love me! I was so messed up, I ended up making a bad choice, got another kid to raise, and was once again on the losing end of an adulterer.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, but know that you will come out the other side. Things will get better. Your kids will be okay. You will be okay.