I was raped this week, ask me anything

[salin]

166. I am a survivor as well

I didn't get help at the time, though I did talk to some friends. I also had a detached view. But it affected me deeply in ways that I now know were self-protective (and not uncommon). I started viewing myself as less attractive (because then, I wouldn't feel so vulnerable) this was really subtle and over time... I remember looking in the mirror a few years later and asking myself... what happened I used to be pretty cute? Other times I would suddenly be certain that I was in physical danger - all of my senses would amp up (hearing/vision) which is a form of ptsd (again not uncommon). And then, seemingly untriggered, sometimes when in an intimate moment - I would go into that detached state - it would be like I was watching the intimacy and was not physically engaged. That was freaky. That was the one aftereffect that I could correctly attribute to the rape.

Years later, while in grad school I sought therapy for an unrelated issue. During this time something made me mention this event and the therapist stopped in her tracks.... ah, that explains a lot (of dysfunctional ways I would deal with conflict and other things.) Our therapy went in a very different direction.

One never completely goes back to who was one before - but one can be whole.

As others have done in this thread, please find a support group or a therapist with experience working with rape survivors.

Deep regrets for what you have gone through and are going through.