General Discussion

louslobbs

(3,416 posts)

194. I'm so sorry you were subjected to such a horrible experience. It happened to me many years ago

Sat Dec 7, 2013, 03:18 PM

Dec 2013

when I was a teenager...........it was supposed to teach me not to be gay.......by a supposed group of non-gay tough guys.

Don' t do what I did, I tried to put it out of my mind and forget about it.......I packed up my car and left NY and drove clear across the country to LA where I have lived and worked ever since, and that was in 1985.

Until I got help, I not only felt horribly dirty and weak, but additionally, I brought horrible, undeserved baggage, into every one of my relationships and beat myself up on a daily basis with various drugs......just take care of yourself and part of that taking care of yourself, means seeking help from a professional and not trying to deal with this on your own like many do.......like I did.

I hope that everything works out as you deal with the aftermath of this situation and as you begin to heal and trust again. One more thing, you did nothing wrong. All the best and a big hug out to you.
Lou

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I was raped this week, ask me anything [View all] Prism Dec 2013 OP

Are you getting the help you need? JaneyVee Dec 2013 #1

I have no question but one--are you getting the help you need to deal with this trauma? nt MADem Dec 2013 #2

I'm ok Prism Dec 2013 #6

Funny thing about stoicism; it's a short term fix, but long haul, eh, not so much. MADem Dec 2013 #22

I agree with you Prism Dec 2013 #66

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #80

If you know of a crisis center nearby, maybe you should think about calling or dropping in. MADem Dec 2013 #86

If you do decide you want to speak to a professional or a rape counselor... Chan790 Dec 2013 #64

What wonderful resources, and so well laid out. Best response in this thread! nt MADem Dec 2013 #88

Yes! This is a great resource! n/t pnwmom Dec 2013 #90

Thank you Prism Dec 2013 #112

I just want to say the advice from Chan790, MAdem, and pnwmom are what makes this site worth it's adirondacker Dec 2013 #188

+1 RainDog Dec 2013 #196

No! No No NO NO!!!! Le Taz Hot Dec 2013 #83

I encourage you to talk to a rape counselor even though you're doing okay. pnwmom Dec 2013 #89

I will take advantage Prism Dec 2013 #114

No one can decide except for you. But I hope will be open to the idea pnwmom Dec 2013 #124

Trust me being stoic isn't nearly enough I'm a male I was raped as a child Arcanetrance Dec 2013 #134

Stoic just means you can put it in a jar and put a lid on it.... DonRedwood Dec 2013 #175

I'm sorry. Blue_In_AK Dec 2013 #3

Has an arrest been made? Rochester Dec 2013 #4

I did not report it Prism Dec 2013 #8

Why not? nt Deep13 Dec 2013 #164

I'm so sorry this happened to you. BanzaiBonnie Dec 2013 #5

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #7

It was an acquaintance Prism Dec 2013 #9

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #13

No Prism Dec 2013 #15

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #25

I don't understand yours. rug Dec 2013 #51

People respond differently to abuse. joshcryer Dec 2013 #126

You know neither Prism nor the other man. sibelian Dec 2013 #132

THANK YOU! Behind the Aegis Dec 2013 #133

How incredibly kind of you to make a victim of rape responsible for rape. Disgusting. idwiyo Dec 2013 #148

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #150

I repeat: your post is disgusting. Prism, please ignore this crap, and accept my apologies. idwiyo Dec 2013 #152

This is on e of the most repellent posts I've ever seen on DU. rug Dec 2013 #158

AUTOMATED MESSAGE: Results of your Jury Service Capt. Obvious Dec 2013 #160

4 more people think that blaming the victim is OK. I am speechless. idwiyo Dec 2013 #162

Another shining example of jury system failure. L0oniX Dec 2013 #238

Go and stand by someone with some sense. sibelian Dec 2013 #161

I also did not report my rape over 20 years ago. And i find the suggestion that Prism is somehow peacebird Dec 2013 #204

Only a total scum will ever suggest something like it. I am sorry you had to read this shit. idwiyo Dec 2013 #209

STOP IT! me b zola Dec 2013 #141

Stop It! manwithoutaface Dec 2013 #156

I don't know what the hell to say or do, I just wish I could somehow help. idwiyo Dec 2013 #241

Prism, I'm trying to get through to you here. Le Taz Hot Dec 2013 #87

your life is wrecked but you fear his life getting wrecked? Skittles Dec 2013 #127

Why are you lecturing a victim? Behind the Aegis Dec 2013 #128

he states he fears wrecking a rapist's life Skittles Dec 2013 #129

And yet... Behind the Aegis Dec 2013 #131

Making a rape victim responsible for rapists actions is disgusting. idwiyo Dec 2013 #242

This message was self-deleted by its author polichick Dec 2013 #145

Do you understand that it was in no way your fault? Mariana Dec 2013 #10

I do, thanks =) Prism Dec 2013 #12

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #11

Do you think the rapist became a rapist because of watching rape porn? Bonobo Dec 2013 #14

This message was self-deleted by its author NYC_SKP Dec 2013 #18

No Prism Dec 2013 #19

That happened to me once. Blue_In_AK Dec 2013 #29

Fragmented memory Prism Dec 2013 #32

I'm really, really sorry. Blue_In_AK Dec 2013 #52

Thank you Prism Dec 2013 #59

Aren't you in a committed relationship? PassingFair Dec 2013 #174

unbelieveable... Whisp Dec 2013 #33

It's a fair question and Prism was kind enough to share his experience. Bonobo Dec 2013 #47

I agree it was tasteless to say that on this thread. You should be more sensitive to the topic here. nomorenomore08 Dec 2013 #201

An agenda wrapped in the veneer of a "fair question" might be more accurate LanternWaste Dec 2013 #244

Remarkably cold response. And sad. Luminous Animal Dec 2013 #46

It was a fair question. Bonobo Dec 2013 #48

Shitty way to try and score some kind of points around here, wow. bettyellen Dec 2013 #176

Odd question painesghost Dec 2013 #110

There have been a large number of threads recently about pornography simulating rape and possibly sibelian Dec 2013 #159

oh. n/t painesghost Dec 2013 #190

Christ. joshcryer Dec 2013 #125

Unbelievably cold. myrna minx Dec 2013 #147

Seriously?!? TDale313 Dec 2013 #172

There have been few times when a post of yours has taken me aback. This is one of them. uppityperson Dec 2013 #180

This thread is not about that. MineralMan Dec 2013 #230

You're missing something. A-Schwarzenegger Dec 2013 #233

you should report them , what if they rape someone else ? JI7 Dec 2013 #16

I am conflicted Prism Dec 2013 #23

i think the way you are looking at this is wrong regardless of whether you report him JI7 Dec 2013 #27

Given my personality Prism Dec 2013 #38

in the end, you have to do what is right for you regardless, if you want to move on as long as you loli phabay Dec 2013 #49

I'm not saying mine is the right reaction Prism Dec 2013 #62

i am going to tell you from experience , whatever you decide to do as long as its your decision is t loli phabay Dec 2013 #68

Yes Prism Dec 2013 #74

just remember buddy, its about you being able to move on, no regrets loli phabay Dec 2013 #76

That's what you hope you can do BainsBane Dec 2013 #91

Nice guys don't have sex with blacked out people BainsBane Dec 2013 #31

It has changed my perception of him Prism Dec 2013 #43

He's a dangerous person BainsBane Dec 2013 #44

amen Liberal_in_LA Dec 2013 #215

Do you blame yourself somewhat, for putting yourself in a position of vulnerability? Electric Monk Dec 2013 #37

I do feel responsible to that extent Prism Dec 2013 #42

You do know that Tree-Hugger Dec 2013 #94

I don't Prism Dec 2013 #99

You didn't ask to be raped. Being drunk doesn't mean "open season" for rapists. I'd press charges. Electric Monk Dec 2013 #105

if you were drunk, a truly nice person would take care of you magical thyme Dec 2013 #199

"You will not be ruining his life if you turn him in. He is ruining his own life by being a rapist." Matariki Dec 2013 #203

hey Skittles Dec 2013 #130

If he had done this to someone you love, would you be giving him the same benefit of the doubt? Squinch Dec 2013 #171

I'm so sorry that happened to you, Prism. Whisp Dec 2013 #39

Maybe Prism Dec 2013 #45

this would be the problem if you do report it, though i believe you it gets into the he said he said loli phabay Dec 2013 #118

Then you need to explain it to him before Ilsa Dec 2013 #140

He ruined his own life the moment he raped you. Vashta Nerada Dec 2013 #63

I don't want to send him to prison Prism Dec 2013 #69

This is between him and the law. Barack_America Dec 2013 #219

"Generally nice guys" don't rape . Captain Stern Dec 2013 #72

J17 brings up a real important point, I think. Warren DeMontague Dec 2013 #120

While certainly good points, there is also the issue of how this could affect Prism. Behind the Aegis Dec 2013 #122

I agree 100%. Warren DeMontague Dec 2013 #123

Nice guys are not rapists. Really. Rapists are not nice guys. Luminous Animal Dec 2013 #121

I'm sure it's not an easy decision. lumberjack_jeff Dec 2013 #167

I often disagree with what you write but in this case, you hit it dead on. +10000 uppityperson Dec 2013 #184

You are what matters. If he chose to do something wrong, that was his choice. HE chose to ruin uppityperson Dec 2013 #182

Right off I don't have any questions, just hope your gonna BootinUp Dec 2013 #17

I'll be ok Prism Dec 2013 #20

Ok, something has come to my mind BootinUp Dec 2013 #53

This happened Monday Prism Dec 2013 #102

You are still in the immediate shock that follows such an experience. Sheldon Cooper Dec 2013 #146

You should, at the VERY least, insist on proof that he has a clean bill of health. PassingFair Dec 2013 #178

I know I speak for many here when I say we support you and we want you to stick around. Bjorn Against Dec 2013 #21

Thank you n\t Prism Dec 2013 #26

Do get some professional support. Cleita Dec 2013 #24

I'm weirdly ok Prism Dec 2013 #30

That's because you are in shock. You need to speak to a professional. Cleita Dec 2013 #36

I'll think about it Prism Dec 2013 #71

I'm sorry that you went through such an awful asault BainsBane Dec 2013 #28

I don't want to ruin a life Prism Dec 2013 #50

He has doubtless ruined countless lives. BainsBane Dec 2013 #55

I honestly can't comprehend the pain you must be feeling but I hope this helps in some way.... Rowdyboy Dec 2013 #34

I'm talking here Prism Dec 2013 #57

Nothing, and I mean nothing... TDale313 Dec 2013 #186

If you can talk to him...Tell him first hand what a dispicable act he has done to you and Auntie Bush Dec 2013 #191

This will not go away easily, even if you're being "stoic" AuntFester Dec 2013 #35

I appreciate that Prism Dec 2013 #75

As a survivor I understand the chaos in your mind.... alittlelark Dec 2013 #40

It's almost . . . Offensive Prism Dec 2013 #77

My take BainsBane Dec 2013 #92

It's very removed Prism Dec 2013 #98

That's disassociation BainsBane Dec 2013 #101

Denial is the first and most prevalent feeling.... alittlelark Dec 2013 #109

A mnemonic device I've learned to describe the stages of the grieving process is: HAD BAD Electric Monk Dec 2013 #111

good advice. salin Dec 2013 #170

I am a survivor as well salin Dec 2013 #166

I am so sorry prism kcdoug1 Dec 2013 #41

Thank you n/t Prism Dec 2013 #78

You already did the hard part. You survived. He didn't win. Warpy Dec 2013 #54

do you think he is going to rape again? jamzrockz Dec 2013 #56

Seriously disgusting insensitive questions. nt Mnemosyne Dec 2013 #96

I don't know, and no Prism Dec 2013 #104

Oh Prism UtahLib Dec 2013 #113

Sorry, I was unclear Prism Dec 2013 #116

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. May I offer a word of caution? nolabear Dec 2013 #58

Thanks Prism Dec 2013 #106

I hope this is not the last thing you post there. rug Dec 2013 #60

I am a rape survivor and I am so sorry this happened to you. hrmjustin Dec 2013 #61

I remember your story Prism Dec 2013 #107

I will not presume sarisataka Dec 2013 #65

Thank you for that n/t Prism Dec 2013 #108

I'm not going to ask you anything. LadyHawkAZ Dec 2013 #67

your a class act az loli phabay Dec 2013 #70

I'm really sorry this happened to you. KitSileya Dec 2013 #73

I wish you a speedy Niceguy1 Dec 2013 #79

All I can say is that you're not alone. Le Taz Hot Dec 2013 #81

(((hug))) nt ZombieHorde Dec 2013 #82

I'll not ask you anything, either. But I understand. countryjake Dec 2013 #84

As a fellow host, LadyHawkAZ, has said, there is a group here if you need it. Behind the Aegis Dec 2013 #85

I am so sorry this happened. TDale313 Dec 2013 #93

blessings to you catrose Dec 2013 #95

... Mnemosyne Dec 2013 #97

Prism I am so sorry. :( polly7 Dec 2013 #100

I have something to ask. REP Dec 2013 #103

I had a similar situation, a roomate , I was late twenties. Kurovski Dec 2013 #115

Very, very sorry Prism. I would echo what others have said and hope that you are doing what Warren DeMontague Dec 2013 #117

Thank you everyone Prism Dec 2013 #119

+1 n/t Smarmie Doofus Dec 2013 #155

Sorry to see this, no questions. Take care of yourself. n/t Tuesday Afternoon Dec 2013 #169

I'm so sorry this happened. bravenak Dec 2013 #135

Oh no, I'm so sorry! TorchTheWitch Dec 2013 #136

. myrna minx Dec 2013 #137

... JackBeck Dec 2013 #213

Hi Prism... sibelian Dec 2013 #138

((hugs)) Starry Messenger Dec 2013 #139

I am so sorry that you were assaulted. mstinamotorcity2 Dec 2013 #142

Are you really OK? It's not my place to judge or even know your answer -- but you owe it to yourself struggle4progress Dec 2013 #143

I just want you to be well. idwiyo Dec 2013 #144

Love to you gollygee Dec 2013 #149

So sorry this happened to you maddezmom Dec 2013 #151

Oh God. I don't even know what to say. HappyMe Dec 2013 #153

I'm sorry that happened to you ecstatic Dec 2013 #154

Oh Prism MuseRider Dec 2013 #157

+1. n/t JackBeck Dec 2013 #212

I'm so sorry this happened to you. TroglodyteScholar Dec 2013 #163

No question -- I think you're brave for posting aikoaiko Dec 2013 #165

My heart broke when I read your post. I am so sorry this happened to you. Squinch Dec 2013 #168

I'm so sorry that you were raped. Are you seeing a rape councilor? In_The_Wind Dec 2013 #173

Join the club of survivors. xmas74 Dec 2013 #177

I am so sorry this happened to you! mecherosegarden Dec 2013 #179

All I want to know is that you are OK and getting the support you need. catbyte Dec 2013 #181

Prism, I just hope you're okay LittleBlue Dec 2013 #183

In your state mercuryblues Dec 2013 #185

Prism all the best. Puglover Dec 2013 #187

+1. n/t JackBeck Dec 2013 #211

Please don't think this person has a moral compass beyond rape... Tikki Dec 2013 #189

Post removed Post removed Dec 2013 #192

How awful/unkind/despicable of you to question his truthfulness. Auntie Bush Dec 2013 #193

I'm so sorry you were subjected to such a horrible experience. It happened to me many years ago louslobbs Dec 2013 #194

What advice would you give a friend in this situation? westerebus Dec 2013 #195

^^^^This! Right now, your brain is distancing you from it. That is a good protection, and Squinch Dec 2013 #208

So sorry to hear this happened to you. stevenleser Dec 2013 #197

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #198

he has in various spots through out this thread La Lioness Priyanka Dec 2013 #200

It's a horrible enough thing to have happen... liberalmuse Dec 2013 #202

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #205

Wow, the not reporting it part is an issue with me. Why worry about ruining their life??? n-t Logical Dec 2013 #206

The impact of the decision on his own life merits (at least) equal consideration. n/t lumberjack_jeff Dec 2013 #207

i'm so sorry and hope you get the help you need. DesertFlower Dec 2013 #210

I'm so sorry this happened. CFLDem Dec 2013 #214

Why does this have zero recs? DU is weird. closeupready Dec 2013 #216

Try reading the thread rather than trumping your petty agenda BainsBane Dec 2013 #217

No thanks, little one. My point stands. closeupready Dec 2013 #218

You seem to be quite disturbed by her comment, though. Sheldon Cooper Dec 2013 #229

Reading this thread it is clear that members not only take male rape seriously BainsBane Dec 2013 #240

Well, so far, I'm the only one who recommended it... MrMickeysMom Dec 2013 #220

I just recced for wider exposure. I didn't know whether to rec for that or if it'd be taken as appro uppityperson Dec 2013 #221

People haven't rec'd it because it is horrible news BainsBane Dec 2013 #223

I don't rec things that are horrible, it doesn't feel right to me. Warren DeMontague Dec 2013 #227

Normally I don't either but just did maddezmom Dec 2013 #232

I think a lot of people are of that mind, too. closeupready Dec 2013 #234

I think rec is largely used to express approval for whatever sentiment the post appears to express. sibelian Dec 2013 #228

Has it not occured to you xulamaude Dec 2013 #237

Prism I have stayed out of this thread for fear of not really knowing what to say to you. William769 Dec 2013 #222

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Jamastiene Dec 2013 #224

Thank you for sharing your own experience here. closeupready Dec 2013 #235

I'm.....I'm.....so sorry you went thru this. ='( AverageJoe90 Dec 2013 #225

I'm sorry that this happened to you. I'm glad you are talking this over with DUers. w4rma Dec 2013 #226

. graywarrior Dec 2013 #231

I am so sorry. Be well, and take care of yourself. nt msanthrope Dec 2013 #236

How terrible. There really are no words that can convery question everything Dec 2013 #239

No questions, just hoping that thucythucy Dec 2013 #243

So very sorry, Prism. Rape is a horrible experience. Zorra Dec 2013 #245

I am so grieved to hear this. Please take care of yourself steve2470 Dec 2013 #246

Fuck dude, that is horrid. blackspade Dec 2013 #247