General Discussion

tblue37

(68,444 posts)

11. I have a number of close friends--both male and female.

Sun Dec 8, 2013, 02:55 AM

Dec 2013

Most of my friends are much younger than I am, for a number of reasons not relevant to my point here.

Many of my male friends (not my female friends) tell me that I am their only close friend, the only one they confide in. My female friends always have a number of other close friends to confide in, so I am never their only one.

I am 63 years old, so I assure you that their feeling of closeness is not associated with sexual attraction, as might be the case with a younger woman.

My experience does suggest that when they need a friend to confide in, many men in our society find such friendship with a woman, not with another man. I wonder how much of this is related to pervasive homophobia.

My friends are not homophobes (if they were I would not be friends with them), but I bet they fear that other men would reject any attempt to be close friends because those other men would worry they were trying to hit on them.

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American men�s hidden crisis: They need more friends! [View all] Courtesy Flush Dec 2013 OP

Yeah, good points here. JimboBillyBubbaBob Dec 2013 #1

Perhaps a large share of American men do not want to divulge their feelings for fear of the emotions BlueJazz Dec 2013 #2

I wonder how this correlates CFLDem Dec 2013 #74

Seems like the media is constantly trying to start a war between Americans, even if the ... BlueJazz Dec 2013 #77

i have a few close guy friends but my closest friends are women. huh. dionysus Dec 2013 #3

Not surprising. It's the same with me. NuclearDem Dec 2013 #8

Trust. silverweb Dec 2013 #4

I think it just seems to get harder to make friends, especially the older you get kcr Dec 2013 #5

I think you're onto something. silverweb Dec 2013 #15

I think you're right.... tofuandbeer Dec 2013 #13

That could be. silverweb Dec 2013 #17

I have to second that. LWolf Dec 2013 #49

Me too. MuseRider Dec 2013 #67

Yes.... yes. sibelian Dec 2013 #71

I'm a male, and my wife cheated on me. I agree: forgive, maybe. Forget, never. I 100% understand. tofuandbeer Dec 2013 #86

It must be just you FrodosPet Dec 2013 #21

.... uhhh sibelian Dec 2013 #72

That hasn't been my experience. Marr Dec 2013 #85

I heard a thought about trust many years ago. onestepforward Dec 2013 #59

My husband has one very good friend who I count as a friend too. But it is different. CTyankee Dec 2013 #73

Seems to draw a lot of conclusions that have alternate explanations Major Nikon Dec 2013 #6

Maybe that's why women are depressed. Lex Dec 2013 #7

LOL NoOneMan Dec 2013 #57

Or maybe women are more likely to get depressed when they don't have close friends Nikia Dec 2013 #38

Agree. lumberjack_jeff Dec 2013 #9

Very true. I'm close with my extended family, but no real close friends bhikkhu Dec 2013 #10

I have a number of close friends--both male and female. tblue37 Dec 2013 #11

I've noticed my Hubby Heather MC Dec 2013 #12

Very similar to my husband... Phentex Dec 2013 #43

My husband is the same.. SoCalDem Dec 2013 #44

Whoa. I fall right into this category. No family, and with the car accident and associated Katashi_itto Dec 2013 #14

someone is always here for you Katashi_itto Skittles Dec 2013 #16

Thanks Katashi_itto Dec 2013 #18

IMHO.. sendero Dec 2013 #19

I think a lot of it has to do with our mobile society Victor_c3 Dec 2013 #20

Very true. polichick Dec 2013 #26

Very astute observation NickB79 Dec 2013 #47

+1 uponit7771 Dec 2013 #61

I have a nice circle of friends, but... meaculpa2011 Dec 2013 #22

I think the story over-played that part of it Courtesy Flush Dec 2013 #24

"Lifetime Movie Channel friendship" Um, maybe comments like that -about people who have true friend bettyellen Dec 2013 #33

You really don't get it. Courtesy Flush Dec 2013 #68

because the "feminine model" is actually the "macho" one plus other stuff? stuff that is good for bettyellen Dec 2013 #69

Here's what I've experienced... WhaTHellsgoingonhere Dec 2013 #23

same happens to women when they have kids, they still do the bulk of the domestic, social duties bettyellen Dec 2013 #34

and women are more eager to share their failings. SoCalDem Dec 2013 #45

I think you hit it on the head, I know my brother has had deep troubles with his wife bettyellen Dec 2013 #52

Fascinating article. 99Forever Dec 2013 #25

People just don't need friends Shankapotomus Dec 2013 #27

Good read. Thanks. n/t ronnie624 Dec 2013 #28

I got friends, just about all in recovery, A-Schwarzenegger Dec 2013 #29

Most men have friends that they work with FarCenter Dec 2013 #30

they get into entanglements- they just don't sort them out in their minds. they often brood and bettyellen Dec 2013 #36

I don't need a friend to blah blah blah about feelings and stupid crap tabasco Dec 2013 #31

"Not that I have friends, or an old lady" Aerows Dec 2013 #70

LOL! tabasco Dec 2013 #88

*smirk* Aerows Dec 2013 #89

In America, when young poor male friends hang out together...they are called a GANG...nt Jesus Malverde Dec 2013 #32

My best friend went back to school and became a lawyer now he doc03 Dec 2013 #35

Only got 2 really close friends myself LittleBlue Dec 2013 #37

My husband must be the exception to the rule ohheckyeah Dec 2013 #39

I don't know if it's only men. HappyMe Dec 2013 #40

Very Insightful. K&R Egalitarian Thug Dec 2013 #41

This is something I have been thinking about lately Sen. Walter Sobchak Dec 2013 #42

My wife is my best friend NoOneMan Dec 2013 #46

Same here. While not my only friend, certainly my best friend. retread Dec 2013 #50

Pretty much sounds like me too Populist_Prole Dec 2013 #48

I question the validity of her assertion that men want the same thing RedCappedBandit Dec 2013 #51

but- do you question that having close friendships is a good thing? bettyellen Dec 2013 #54

No RedCappedBandit Dec 2013 #64

I agree. sibelian Dec 2013 #63

A couple guys I work with retired recently and I was surprised at stories of what buddies they were. Gidney N Cloyd Dec 2013 #53

Huh ismnotwasm Dec 2013 #55

"As a trend this is very sad." NoOneMan Dec 2013 #56

Maybe it's an age thing ismnotwasm Dec 2013 #58

I've been this way since college NoOneMan Dec 2013 #60

Yeah ismnotwasm Dec 2013 #62

I got tired of explaining and talking about drama sibelian Dec 2013 #65

This thread isn't complete without the sad Hulk music. Initech Dec 2013 #66

This is the kind of thing the article was talking about. Courtesy Flush Dec 2013 #75

I wasn't belittling anybody. Initech Dec 2013 #78

HAHAHAHA Marr Dec 2013 #84

I have a new male friend who happens to be one of my closest friends' BF. kestrel91316 Dec 2013 #76

I always hung around the women simply because they were more interesting... WCGreen Dec 2013 #79

A true friend is good to find and to keep for life seveneyes Dec 2013 #80

my input: Blue_Tires Dec 2013 #81

Guys have a lot more Munificence Dec 2013 #82

I'm 41 now, and I've noticed that as I've aged, more and more of my friends are female. Marr Dec 2013 #83

I notice as I age that my old friends are dying off. These were irreplaceable individuals. Sognefjord Dec 2013 #87