General Discussion

NickB79

(20,363 posts)

47. Very astute observation

Sun Dec 8, 2013, 03:30 PM

Dec 2013

I had a very solid circle of friends, both male and female, as a college student. It was amazing. We were all there for each other, within a few minutes drive of one another (or even roommates), and able to talk about anything. I had guy friends who's shoulders I literally cried upon at times, and vice versa.

10 years later, those friends have scattered to the winds. One is in Japan, one in Australia, one in Seattle, one in Texas. Some are still here in Minnesota, but even they've scattered across the state.

With a 40-hr workweek, a 3-yr old to care for, a wife to spend time with, a fixer-upper house to work on, and a budding mini-farm business I'm trying to start up, I have no time to drive 1-2 hrs to visit my old college buddies.

And Facebook is NOT a suitable substitute for actual face-to-face meetings.

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American men�s hidden crisis: They need more friends! [View all] Courtesy Flush Dec 2013 OP

Yeah, good points here. JimboBillyBubbaBob Dec 2013 #1

Perhaps a large share of American men do not want to divulge their feelings for fear of the emotions BlueJazz Dec 2013 #2

I wonder how this correlates CFLDem Dec 2013 #74

Seems like the media is constantly trying to start a war between Americans, even if the ... BlueJazz Dec 2013 #77

i have a few close guy friends but my closest friends are women. huh. dionysus Dec 2013 #3

Not surprising. It's the same with me. NuclearDem Dec 2013 #8

Trust. silverweb Dec 2013 #4

I think it just seems to get harder to make friends, especially the older you get kcr Dec 2013 #5

I think you're onto something. silverweb Dec 2013 #15

I think you're right.... tofuandbeer Dec 2013 #13

That could be. silverweb Dec 2013 #17

I have to second that. LWolf Dec 2013 #49

Me too. MuseRider Dec 2013 #67

Yes.... yes. sibelian Dec 2013 #71

I'm a male, and my wife cheated on me. I agree: forgive, maybe. Forget, never. I 100% understand. tofuandbeer Dec 2013 #86

It must be just you FrodosPet Dec 2013 #21

.... uhhh sibelian Dec 2013 #72

That hasn't been my experience. Marr Dec 2013 #85

I heard a thought about trust many years ago. onestepforward Dec 2013 #59

My husband has one very good friend who I count as a friend too. But it is different. CTyankee Dec 2013 #73

Seems to draw a lot of conclusions that have alternate explanations Major Nikon Dec 2013 #6

Maybe that's why women are depressed. Lex Dec 2013 #7

LOL NoOneMan Dec 2013 #57

Or maybe women are more likely to get depressed when they don't have close friends Nikia Dec 2013 #38

Agree. lumberjack_jeff Dec 2013 #9

Very true. I'm close with my extended family, but no real close friends bhikkhu Dec 2013 #10

I have a number of close friends--both male and female. tblue37 Dec 2013 #11

I've noticed my Hubby Heather MC Dec 2013 #12

Very similar to my husband... Phentex Dec 2013 #43

My husband is the same.. SoCalDem Dec 2013 #44

Whoa. I fall right into this category. No family, and with the car accident and associated Katashi_itto Dec 2013 #14

someone is always here for you Katashi_itto Skittles Dec 2013 #16

Thanks Katashi_itto Dec 2013 #18

IMHO.. sendero Dec 2013 #19

I think a lot of it has to do with our mobile society Victor_c3 Dec 2013 #20

Very true. polichick Dec 2013 #26

Very astute observation NickB79 Dec 2013 #47

+1 uponit7771 Dec 2013 #61

I have a nice circle of friends, but... meaculpa2011 Dec 2013 #22

I think the story over-played that part of it Courtesy Flush Dec 2013 #24

"Lifetime Movie Channel friendship" Um, maybe comments like that -about people who have true friend bettyellen Dec 2013 #33

You really don't get it. Courtesy Flush Dec 2013 #68

because the "feminine model" is actually the "macho" one plus other stuff? stuff that is good for bettyellen Dec 2013 #69

Here's what I've experienced... WhaTHellsgoingonhere Dec 2013 #23

same happens to women when they have kids, they still do the bulk of the domestic, social duties bettyellen Dec 2013 #34

and women are more eager to share their failings. SoCalDem Dec 2013 #45

I think you hit it on the head, I know my brother has had deep troubles with his wife bettyellen Dec 2013 #52

Fascinating article. 99Forever Dec 2013 #25

People just don't need friends Shankapotomus Dec 2013 #27

Good read. Thanks. n/t ronnie624 Dec 2013 #28

I got friends, just about all in recovery, A-Schwarzenegger Dec 2013 #29

Most men have friends that they work with FarCenter Dec 2013 #30

they get into entanglements- they just don't sort them out in their minds. they often brood and bettyellen Dec 2013 #36

I don't need a friend to blah blah blah about feelings and stupid crap tabasco Dec 2013 #31

"Not that I have friends, or an old lady" Aerows Dec 2013 #70

LOL! tabasco Dec 2013 #88

*smirk* Aerows Dec 2013 #89

In America, when young poor male friends hang out together...they are called a GANG...nt Jesus Malverde Dec 2013 #32

My best friend went back to school and became a lawyer now he doc03 Dec 2013 #35

Only got 2 really close friends myself LittleBlue Dec 2013 #37

My husband must be the exception to the rule ohheckyeah Dec 2013 #39

I don't know if it's only men. HappyMe Dec 2013 #40

Very Insightful. K&R Egalitarian Thug Dec 2013 #41

This is something I have been thinking about lately Sen. Walter Sobchak Dec 2013 #42

My wife is my best friend NoOneMan Dec 2013 #46

Same here. While not my only friend, certainly my best friend. retread Dec 2013 #50

Pretty much sounds like me too Populist_Prole Dec 2013 #48

I question the validity of her assertion that men want the same thing RedCappedBandit Dec 2013 #51

but- do you question that having close friendships is a good thing? bettyellen Dec 2013 #54

No RedCappedBandit Dec 2013 #64

I agree. sibelian Dec 2013 #63

A couple guys I work with retired recently and I was surprised at stories of what buddies they were. Gidney N Cloyd Dec 2013 #53

Huh ismnotwasm Dec 2013 #55

"As a trend this is very sad." NoOneMan Dec 2013 #56

Maybe it's an age thing ismnotwasm Dec 2013 #58

I've been this way since college NoOneMan Dec 2013 #60

Yeah ismnotwasm Dec 2013 #62

I got tired of explaining and talking about drama sibelian Dec 2013 #65

This thread isn't complete without the sad Hulk music. Initech Dec 2013 #66

This is the kind of thing the article was talking about. Courtesy Flush Dec 2013 #75

I wasn't belittling anybody. Initech Dec 2013 #78

HAHAHAHA Marr Dec 2013 #84

I have a new male friend who happens to be one of my closest friends' BF. kestrel91316 Dec 2013 #76

I always hung around the women simply because they were more interesting... WCGreen Dec 2013 #79

A true friend is good to find and to keep for life seveneyes Dec 2013 #80

my input: Blue_Tires Dec 2013 #81

Guys have a lot more Munificence Dec 2013 #82

I'm 41 now, and I've noticed that as I've aged, more and more of my friends are female. Marr Dec 2013 #83

I notice as I age that my old friends are dying off. These were irreplaceable individuals. Sognefjord Dec 2013 #87