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In reply to the discussion: "Mother of girl involved in 'kissing' discipline speaks out" [View all]NuclearDem
(16,184 posts)347. Rape culture isn't just the action between two people (rape, assault, or violating boundaries).
It's the cultural reaction to and acceptance of this behavior. I've recently started to think of referring to as rape-enabling culture, because the old name confuses a lot of people.
When we talk about RC in the context of this story, only a little bit of it has to do with the six year old. No, there wasn't any sexual or nefarious intent on the child's part, but the issue with boundaries being violated is a root cause of RC. The rest (and majority) of the discussion is about the reaction to this incident from other people; labeling this as "innocent", "cute", or "just what kids are supposed to do" in lieu of pressuring the parents and school to cut this behavior is the worst aspect of RC.
Tl;dr: Rape culture isn't just about the act of rape, it's how culture devalues boundaries, women, and men through perpetuated attitudes about gender roles.
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That boy's going to get his ass kicked. And he's going to deserve it. And the girl who does it will
LeftyMom
Dec 2013
#1
Well, considering that the school actually reacted appropriately, perhaps not.
KitSileya
Dec 2013
#4
I think he is. Since his family took this to the media and is throwing a damned fit,
LeftyMom
Dec 2013
#5
If he wants it, the girl must be his "girlfriend" no matter what she wants...
CTyankee
Dec 2013
#348
well. there we go. and all the angst that it was wanted, and nothin, ect... good for the school.
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#2
and the men thru out this thread are totally reinforcing it. i posted the deleted, but yes...
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#65
i had it on the reverse side raising two sons. one boy was kissed at five, hated it, was angry
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#135
This little boy has to be taught that unwanted touching has consequences before he gets old enough
liberal_at_heart
Dec 2013
#3
I never saw it as anything but sexual harrassment. It was posted in threads as if it was innocent.
freshwest
Dec 2013
#8
the story in the OP is about a girl who did not want it and the boy refused to stop
JI7
Dec 2013
#17
i did not read it. but, i will tell you my experience with my 5 yr old son that was kissed by a
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#18
Because I don't live in the district, know any of the children, or work in the school...
ScreamingMeemie
Dec 2013
#128
so it is ok for a boy to continue harass a girl, stop her from playing with her friends, isolate her
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#20
the kids was doing this to the girl, he was stopping her from playing, teacher stepped
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#25
really? truly amazing. that you just do not care about the infringement on the little girl.
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#29
and you would be the only one with hair on fire with this rant. so i gotta figure it is your way of
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#30
WTF, is ANY of what you post grounded in reality- or human decency? It appears neither of those
bettyellen
Dec 2013
#147
of course. just another form of being disrespectful and disruptive. you boys can high five each
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#43
Let me post the relevant quotes from the article where the girl's mother speaks out.
KitSileya
Dec 2013
#56
Read the full article. The boy was a persistent molester and intervention was required.
NYC_SKP
Dec 2013
#188
Hey, sport. I'm reading ALL of your replies in this thread. You're fooling nobody. Here:
NYC_SKP
Dec 2013
#194
ah. see. you stepped over the line to really offensive. watch your child being bullied and then
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#243
that is your goal? seeing how ugly and outrageous you can be to get a reaction? kinda reinforces
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#267
Right, because any parent that teaches her child that others have no right to touch her without
BainsBane
Dec 2013
#364
people here seem to think men and women pop out fully formed, behaving nothing like their prior
bettyellen
Dec 2013
#399
Fascinating to find someone arguing for men's entitlement to buy women here
geek tragedy
Dec 2013
#172
if the two are not connected. thru out the threads. didnt want to call attention but so obvious
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#174
I suppose many people will rationalize the little boy as the victim in all this.
LanternWaste
Dec 2013
#130
So you are like white on rice in threads about Pope/Gay Rights but you are snide when it comes to
KittyWampus
Dec 2013
#380
If I was a kid today, I'd devote my life to ridding the world of as many
Egalitarian Thug
Dec 2013
#40
one kid has made it thru school and one kid is a couple years out. never had any issue.
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#41
or parents that did not put up with crap, had expectation of behavior and knew what was going on in
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#52
Anti-woman twofer: try to make men/boys the victim and then throw a hissy fit
geek tragedy
Dec 2013
#180
Apparently, I missed another DU flamefest. Do I understand correctly that half of the board is
Egalitarian Thug
Dec 2013
#37
A little boy was suspended for repeatedly bothering other classmates and being disruptive.
redqueen
Dec 2013
#50
you have a problem with them documenting the issue? and it arises again, they clearly understand
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#63
i think him thinking it's ok to keep doing things to girls they don't want is worse
JI7
Dec 2013
#66
"Sexual harassment is bothering a girl in a way you wouldn't bother a boy." See, easy!
LeftyMom
Dec 2013
#69
If that is true, then I would hope it is because schools are stopping boys from
CTyankee
Dec 2013
#361
OK, thank you all very much for the replies, I've read three articles now,
Egalitarian Thug
Dec 2013
#60
ya. that is about how the mom responded. hence, missing the opportunity to teach her son
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#67
If I had kids I would get them so far away from this nation of bat-shit insane maniacs,
Egalitarian Thug
Dec 2013
#80
Little boys, kissing girls who do not want it, and not stopping when told to stop?
KitSileya
Dec 2013
#86
You mean the little six year old girl who had to endure multiple kisses on her
Egalitarian Thug
Dec 2013
#101
Please re-read the last sentence of my previous reply. You really need it. n/t
Egalitarian Thug
Dec 2013
#108
perhaps you'd be happier in parts of India or Africa where little girls are routinely abused?
bettyellen
Dec 2013
#176
People who use words like "persistent molester" to describe a 6 year old?
lumberjack_jeff
Dec 2013
#434
looks like there are some who think Girls should be forced to allow guys to touch them as they want
JI7
Dec 2013
#72
Six year old boys don't know which side of their underwear smells the worst
Nanjing to Seoul
Dec 2013
#73
The kid is six years old. Whatever happened to sitting down with his mother in the principal's
Nanjing to Seoul
Dec 2013
#251
they did. a number of times. first talk. then time out. then inschool detention. then suspension
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#255
wrong. 6 yr olds are perfectly capable with appropriate and connecting parenting. just not that
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#278
jeezus. the kids was not addressed about sexual fuckin harassment. they sat down and talked to the
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#281
The boy has a serious behavior problem, and suspension is an appropriate consequence for his actions
Maedhros
Dec 2013
#74
And if you had read the articles, you would know that these steps had been taken.
KitSileya
Dec 2013
#99
appropriate steps were taking all the way thru this and the behavior continued.
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#138
The issue I have with this is equating it with some kind of sexual deviancy.
Blue_In_AK
Dec 2013
#95
it got national attention because his mother who lied about the girl wanting it went to the media
JI7
Dec 2013
#97
the parents were talked to asking them to tell boys it was not acceptable. one boy stopped
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#245
You should realize there are a lot of parents out there who encourage this behavior
Major Nikon
Dec 2013
#104
It wouldn't have drawn national attention if the mother hadn't gone to the press.
KitSileya
Dec 2013
#107
The girl that lived on the corner, Karen Cornelius (Yes, I still remember her name) used to kick
Egalitarian Thug
Dec 2013
#111
or a parent can do there job and address the issue instead of ignoring. giving a valued lesson to
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#139
The irony of that reply is so rich on so many levels, one has to wonder whether
Egalitarian Thug
Dec 2013
#445
Maybe the fiery language of sexual harassment isn't quite appropriate. Perhaps it could have
Ed Suspicious
Dec 2013
#106
you say ask, so i ask. having read your post above, you unequivocally say this behavior was wrong.
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#352
Warren Zevon's macabre tale is of a boy that everyone dismissed as excitable
Major Nikon
Dec 2013
#355
thanks. i agree. one does not have to be a child psychologist to know. all one does is have to be
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#358
true. i imagine you see there would have been outrage. or equally, and was asked often
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#373
you were not the one repeated told... you hate men. over and over in these threads.
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#383
exactly katsy. right on. my boys fought very little and last 5 yrs none at all. they shared
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#300
since you so unfailry put us in a box, be clear i have seen all of us address the mom as the issue.
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#187
ya. and if it is not addressed to me, and the group you are talking, you would be wrong
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#195
Thanks for elaborating, but I didn't realize I'd be inviting you into a hornets' nest.
Lasher
Dec 2013
#217
lot's of my friends teach, and it is disturbing to hear what some 6-10 year olds do and say.
bettyellen
Dec 2013
#406
of course they know. some even brag about how young kids are watching porn. and brag about
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#414
if you talk about women at all here, it has been to use or defend sexist language
geek tragedy
Dec 2013
#202
i guess the only solution for empathy is all women and girls stay far far away from all men
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#213
The reality is that you said that women who get raped bring it upon themselves
geek tragedy
Dec 2013
#220
Yes, your stance is that unless women are wearing burkas they provoke rapists
geek tragedy
Dec 2013
#230
classic whore virgin thing. if you have sex with someone else, why not me too? unless you're in
bettyellen
Dec 2013
#420
" but the Mom, GF , sister.... they are saints,"... unless they do something than man deems makes
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#427
and yet another post of boys will be boys. there is a whole lot to address with this issue from a
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#145
man hating. i stand up for the boy, capable of comprehending and needing the guiding hand of the
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#316
btw... ".he is six years old". the little girl was 6 yrs old for crying out loud
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#317
where the fuck did you fuckin hear me talk about fuckin ADULT sexual harassment any fuckin where....
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#319
kids will be kids. silly stuff. wrapped in cotton. immune to physical contact.interpersonal relation
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#385
If children are not taught to respect boundaries of both themselves and others
BainsBane
Dec 2013
#391
you did not address a single thing i posted. YOU are making up your own argument to throw YOUR
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#320
anytime darlin' and i would never ignore you, the what appears to be satire is too delicious.
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#471
"He's a six year old sexual deviant!" one poster besides you running around saying shit like this.
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#168
one post where i called the kid a sexual predator. one. one post where i blame the kid for his
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#190
boys will be boys, after all. And when he's taught that this is okay, why
geek tragedy
Dec 2013
#200
Sad tidings to those here in the 16th century. Charges hath been dropped.
Katashi_itto
Dec 2013
#149
it is a punishment when talking failed, time out failed, in school suspension failed, out of school
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#155
split hairs? truth. lie. reality. illusion. split hairs? lol. going to jail. not.
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#163
oh my god, how you have to fit that square peg into your round hole. lmao. what you will find,
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#171
you do this little boy no good, with this attitude. you only set him up for failure. why?
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#159
that is all he has. yet to have one post of substance. no reality in his running around with hair
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#169
it should sound familiar as i have watched a number of your posts being simply immature failures
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#177
actually talking about child development, parenting, responsibility of school, and us as a
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#193
ya. lol. every. single. one. what, you have only posted 4 or 5 posts in months, years????
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#198
really? one in a trillion? not a 100, not a million, but trillion? the post you refer to
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#371
ah. so accusing a person of lacking substance is cool. backing it up, not so much. challenging an
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#376
No, it's you "boys will be boys so let them assault girls" types who are in the 16th century.
geek tragedy
Dec 2013
#181
Because in the 21st century, obtaining consent before touching another person
BainsBane
Dec 2013
#293
ah. when there was a made up story by mom, there was a boundary discussion? cause the moms story
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#472
i guess you are totally overlooking the many men that professed it is boys being boys,
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#475
so. when i read warren saying there were emotionally damaged... you are talking about duers. this
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#477
When a parent rushes to the media and compalins about how her child can do no wrong...
joeybee12
Dec 2013
#152
What would the reaction have been if the boy had been planting unwanted kisses on another boy?
Nine
Dec 2013
#178
no one is hanging anything on the kid. and those saying it is the parents failure, are the ones
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#204
the parents aren't teaching him--they're going on television saying what he did was just fine. nt
geek tragedy
Dec 2013
#216
um. the sons mom was on news last night saying she was a GF and wanted it. teachers, school cant
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#254
no. it is not a feminist issue. it is a parental issue. thank you for taking it away from a
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#259
I guess when the shoe is on the other foot in a couple of years when her daughter is chasing down
Pisces
Dec 2013
#231
if her daughter is kissing , touching guys who told her to stop she should be punished also
JI7
Dec 2013
#241
He's 6 !!! My god do you people not have children??? I tell my kids not to do lots of things they
Pisces
Dec 2013
#252
it's not normal to continue to touch another person when told to stop, and now you are blaming
JI7
Dec 2013
#260
He kissed her had for gods sake!! Kids like to bother people that makes them do annoying shit
Pisces
Dec 2013
#274
it's been said many times that there were no legal authorities involved in this, he was not legally
JI7
Dec 2013
#275
repeatedly... the parents were told. the kids talked to. then time out and told. then inschool
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#283
Six year olds can easily understand they may not touch and kiss others if it is unwanted
MattBaggins
Dec 2013
#264
That is ridiculous. Of course he can be taught not to kiss her. If the parents are never informed
Pisces
Dec 2013
#271
the parent was repeatedly told about the issue. she said he is an energitic boy, bf, gf and the
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#284
yes. there certainly is the strong push to fabricate this story. i assumed it was cause so many
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#296
Yep, outright lying or just playing stupid, all in an effort to spin, spin, spin. nt
redqueen
Dec 2013
#444
no one labeled him a sex offender. but i certainly see where blame the victim comes in, from the
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#261
Are you playing at ignorance? No one is blaming or shaming. The adults need to learn how to handle
Pisces
Dec 2013
#277
just did not have that issue with my two boys. firstly. secondly, third time. the parent was
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#285
I have read up on the matter more and I do acknowledge that he was reprimanded more than once. What
Pisces
Dec 2013
#378
wow. really, lets just dig out our pitch forks and torches and run her out of town.
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#268
What that poster really thinks victims should do is shut up and get victimized again.
LeftyMom
Dec 2013
#306
ahhh. i knew there some anger there. i read from above the info. no, people are not making it
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#313
Why are you posting personal information and filthy insinuations about girl's mother on DU?
idwiyo
Dec 2013
#400
Given the ages of the participants, forget the sexual part. It's just harrassment. Bullying.
Jackpine Radical
Dec 2013
#304
as far as using that term in this thread, it is not about the 6 yr old. it would be the grown men
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#335
It was kissing, and the boy's mother referred to them as boyfriend and girlfriend.
KitSileya
Dec 2013
#344
there was aggression, can we agree. and there was kissing. to suggest it does not tie in is lame.
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#346
Rape culture isn't just the action between two people (rape, assault, or violating boundaries).
NuclearDem
Dec 2013
#347
What I would like to know and is missing from everything I have read about this, is
RC
Dec 2013
#386
the students knew she did not want it, hence going to teacher. the teachers knew she did not want
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#389
of course. and i expect no less. hence, she really wanted all the kissing, just wasnt brave enough
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#405
male bashing. so, saying a child should learn boundaries, not get a pass with boys will be boys, is
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#417
so. then for you. it IS male bashing suggesting a boy needs to learn boundaries. wow. nt
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#435
thank you. i better understand why you are seeing male bashing all around. no behavior is to be
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#437
so, a mother that does not draw a line for son, gives him sexual harassment, puts him in front of
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#411
they should nto be thought of as victim because they are girls. that would be absurd. they should
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#416
I figured you would ...... clearly, respecting boundaries of any type are something
polly7
Dec 2013
#484
Are you saying that you will only believe the girl didn't want it if she speaks in front of cameras?
KitSileya
Dec 2013
#441
what is really interesting about the poster are so many "tells" on how he really feels about women.
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#451
No, I am saying the opposite. The women and girls do not normally take a lot of shit from others.
RC
Dec 2013
#456
"Why didn't the girl herself put a stop to it, if she didn't like it?" *slaps forehead*
bettyellen
Dec 2013
#398
Reminds me of 'bullying isn't a problem, bullied kids should just stand up to them'.
redqueen
Dec 2013
#404
yes. cause girls are much stronger than that. why does she not have her "fuck you" sea legs yet at 6
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#408
good point, yes. when I was in Chile I saw a lot of kids gone wild- one kicked me in the head
bettyellen
Dec 2013
#413
she did what she could to stop it, are you really blaming the six year old girl here?
bettyellen
Dec 2013
#422
No, I am blaming the adults at the school for not handling this properly in the first place.
RC
Dec 2013
#438
Really? You think the school's first action was to "charge" the bully with sexual harassment?
redqueen
Dec 2013
#443
the kid was not, NOT charges with sexual harassment. that is ONE fact we know for sure. why would
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#448
i would say this post is the height of tells in what is happening in our society today with girls
seabeyond
Dec 2013
#453
One of my friends used to just kick the shit out of boys who bothered her.
leftyladyfrommo
Dec 2013
#486