General Discussion

ProudToBeBlueInRhody

(16,399 posts)

88. Be honest and up front about it.

Mon Dec 16, 2013, 03:15 AM

Dec 2013

I have always let it be known before a relationship started that I don't believe in the legal construct of marriage and I don't want kids....and that if you can't be happy with that, please walk away now or let us at least agree that eventually this will end so let's not get too serious. I actually had what I thought was a great long term relationship end when one night suddenly I was hit with "When are you going to outgrow this no marriage no kids bullshit?" after years of hearing "I don't want to get married or have kids, I like our life together". She admitted she never changed her mind, just expected me to eventually and was waiting me out. It hurt tremendously, but at least looking back I was the one who was always honest.

The societal pressures of marriage and parenthood on both women and men is obnoxious. People should be free to decide for themselves, not bow to family and friends like having kids is getting the new iPhone or whatever keeping up with the Joneses metaphor your want to use.

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To The Women Who Choose Not To Have Kids. [View all] LionsTigersRedWings Dec 2013 OP

Thanks for posting PasadenaTrudy Dec 2013 #1

you're welcome!! LionsTigersRedWings Dec 2013 #3

Yep. NV Whino Dec 2013 #2

Thank you. ohheckyeah Dec 2013 #4

Societal pressure even among men Populist_Prole Dec 2013 #30

I'm sure men get a lot of pressure, too. ohheckyeah Dec 2013 #38

You are NEVER done with your children…hope he keeps a four bedroom house, because in today's.. Tikki Dec 2013 #48

My SO never had any kids. RC Dec 2013 #5

Funny how a lot of people don't understand your last sentence, "Not my decision anyway." enough Dec 2013 #13

Too many people still think babies are some kind of miracle. RC Dec 2013 #71

As a mother myself, I could not agree with you more. calimary Dec 2013 #103

The key word here is choice. efhmc Dec 2013 #6

For some of us, chervilant Dec 2013 #7

excellent. and it does not mean you cannot play a role in childrens life. what an awesome choice seabeyond Dec 2013 #16

So kind of you to respond, seabeyond! chervilant Dec 2013 #100

My mother was dogged by everyone for just having one child. politichew Dec 2013 #8

There's a reason they're called "PRIVATE matters" ! hedgehog Dec 2013 #10

My wife and I had just one child, by choice. My idiot sister-in-law badgered us for years, saying Flatulo Dec 2013 #91

This is a post I truly support! hedgehog Dec 2013 #9

Good post. Feral Child Dec 2013 #11

kudos for being that type of guy! erronis Dec 2013 #43

Thank you so much! No one....and I mean no one...ever said anything like that to me... VanillaRhapsody Dec 2013 #12

I heard that one too. Triana Dec 2013 #20

I agree totally VanillaRhapsody Dec 2013 #26

Same thing the doc told me ie: "pregnancy is more dangerous than the pill" Triana Dec 2013 #32

Well we mustn't continue this myth that long-term use of birth-control pills is dangerous VanillaRhapsody Dec 2013 #61

Yes, I don't get the "selfish" argument get the red out Dec 2013 #96

i figured this would inevitably create a battle. and it did not. good for you. agree totally. nt seabeyond Dec 2013 #14

Yep. I heard it all. Triana Dec 2013 #15

What I hear is... MadrasT Dec 2013 #19

You're welcome! I am pushing 60 & never regretted not having kids. catbyte Dec 2013 #17

Women in poorer countries should have that choice tblue Dec 2013 #18

Thank you for bringing that up. Overpopulation in the world is starting to be the downfall of the loudsue Dec 2013 #41

The only way to do that is to educate women Warpy Dec 2013 #78

Absolutely get the red out Dec 2013 #95

I didn't choose not to have children LittleGirl Dec 2013 #21

"What do you know ? You never had children so you don't know what the fuck you're talking about!"... Veilex Dec 2013 #31

thank you LittleGirl Dec 2013 #46

I think the intent of this message is a bit different Major Nikon Dec 2013 #40

It is a bit different LittleGirl Dec 2013 #45

Childless by Chance here too JustAnotherGen Dec 2013 #102

thanks eom LittleGirl Dec 2013 #105

I don't express either approval or disapproval, as it's none of my business. Nye Bevan Dec 2013 #22

I didn't have children Holly_Hobby Dec 2013 #23

I also could not find a doctor to do a tubal ligation. Curmudgeoness Dec 2013 #50

The pill was not an option for me, Holly_Hobby Dec 2013 #65

Not a lot easier these days REP Dec 2013 #89

It took five years? Curmudgeoness Dec 2013 #107

We were 35 and had 2 kids HockeyMom Dec 2013 #98

Your last line is what really matters. Curmudgeoness Dec 2013 #106

With what we are doing to this planet.... chknltl Dec 2013 #24

I don't have kids... Helen Borg Dec 2013 #25

The only part of this that saddens me... Veilex Dec 2013 #27

And wehave a winner joeglow3 Dec 2013 #104

Thanks for the OP, and for the posts in this thread. love_katz Dec 2013 #28

Absolutely, and men too, if I may:) grahamhgreen Dec 2013 #29

Thank you! virgdem Dec 2013 #33

She would be the perfect one for me. BlueJazz Dec 2013 #34

Why only women? Decisions re: children involve more than one person typically nt geek tragedy Dec 2013 #35

K&R. This doesn't get said enough. (nt) Paladin Dec 2013 #36

My youngest daughter, who is 28, asked me not too long ago Blue_In_AK Dec 2013 #37

"Just right?" On average, every woman should have two children? enough Dec 2013 #83

So I had three kids? Blue_In_AK Dec 2013 #84

I'm a man, Jamaal510 Dec 2013 #39

It doesn't end at 18. rickford66 Dec 2013 #47

Having children defines the rest of your life, period. Egalitarian Thug Dec 2013 #56

Unsolicited advice Jim Lane Dec 2013 #59

All true. And when you tell her that Demobrat Dec 2013 #62

My only advice LittleBlue Dec 2013 #63

As men age, the probability that their children will be born with medical problems increases, too. Cassidy Dec 2013 #87

ummm..yes but there is a solution Joel thakkar Dec 2013 #99

When I was 20, I felt exactly as you do. lumberjack_jeff Dec 2013 #64

Be honest and up front about it. ProudToBeBlueInRhody Dec 2013 #88

Thanks for posting this! There's a weird equation of "selfishness" with choosing.... Moonwalk Dec 2013 #42

That line about "never find a husband" is especially annoying Jim Lane Dec 2013 #44

Or, like me, find someone who's already had kids. alarimer Dec 2013 #51

Yes, that can be a good solution for men, too. Jim Lane Dec 2013 #60

My one and only child was born LibDemAlways Dec 2013 #49

And thank you for posting this. Curmudgeoness Dec 2013 #52

It used to be that peope had children so that they would take care of them when they are old question everything Dec 2013 #53

Thank you for the thread Nika Dec 2013 #54

and thanks for help saving the planet SHRED Dec 2013 #55

someone to take care of you ... fierywoman Dec 2013 #57

I never wanted kids... BlancheSplanchnik Dec 2013 #58

I actually love kids, but strangely, never wanted one of my own. I work with Squinch Dec 2013 #69

nice way of putting it BlancheSplanchnik Dec 2013 #74

My first career was child-free. Squinch Dec 2013 #82

You're welcome n/t NMDemDist2 Dec 2013 #66

Deleted kiva Dec 2013 #67

I have no maternal bone in my body. a la izquierda Dec 2013 #68

I an exactly like you. smirkymonkey Dec 2013 #81

kick Liberal_in_LA Dec 2013 #70

and thank you to those who having kids is being true to who you are. We should all be true to who liberal_at_heart Dec 2013 #72

Thank you too! smirkymonkey Dec 2013 #73

I'm not female, and I do have kids, but . . . MrModerate Dec 2013 #75

IMNSHO... RoccoR5955 Dec 2013 #76

Why? BainsBane Dec 2013 #77

We chose not to have biological children but PumpkinAle Dec 2013 #79

I had a coworker once lordsummerisle Dec 2013 #80

The artist is Roy Lichtenstein Demobrat Dec 2013 #85

. NYC_SKP Dec 2013 #86

Thanks for finding this! n/t lordsummerisle Dec 2013 #97

I chose not to have them, until I found a lifelong partner who would be Jamastiene Dec 2013 #90

Well said. Childbearing is a choice women should be allowed to make without comment from others. n/. Paper Roses Dec 2013 #92

Unless it's a well said thank you The2ndWheel Dec 2013 #93

You're welcome get the red out Dec 2013 #94

I am so tired of the 'Once you have them you'll change your mind about kids' LynneSin Dec 2013 #101