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KentuckyWoman

(7,408 posts)

29. Feel sorry for her and move on -- UNLESS

Mon Dec 16, 2013, 07:02 PM

Dec 2013

the husband who is blood family is no longer looking out for her.

You may have to talk amongst yourselves after the holidays and decide if it's serious enough for an intervention. If you do it though make sure your reasons are out of concern for her wellbeing and the confrontation part of the intervention can be matter of fact, firm but loving with no hint of anger.

We had to go this route in my extended family. An aunt was in obvious mental trouble and lived alone, with no kids to keep an eye on her. It was very hard to tell if she was just making shit up for effect or really out of touch. 4 of us closest to her visited a geriatric psychiatrist before the intervention. Searched out our hearts first. Even then it was an ugly scene.

However, within a few weeks our aunt decided moving to a retirement community would be OK. She had people to talk to, got better nutrition etc etc. Within just a few months it started to turn around. Now 4 years later she even is willing to admit she was always terrible at pies and has to buy them from a local bakery if she wants to gift someone with a pie. (which is huge)

If your family chooses to act, I hope the outcome is as good.

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Dealing with a compulsive liar in the family at Christmas dinner. [View all] CTyankee Dec 2013 OP

Pretend you're in an SNL skit.... MADem Dec 2013 #1

Make a game of it JustABozoOnThisBus Dec 2013 #2

At this point, it's not serious and I really think it is how she deals with her reality given who CTyankee Dec 2013 #13

"Cool story, bro," and ignoring her is what she needs. There is no shaming msanthrope Dec 2013 #3

We are usually too blindsided by her latest confabulation to say anything. It comes out of nowhere. CTyankee Dec 2013 #7

Act all impressed, say something like, "Really?? Tell me more!" The Velveteen Ocelot Dec 2013 #4

See that's brilliant MattBaggins Dec 2013 #6

Yep, keep getting her to embellish the story until it's miles beyond absurd. Fun for all. Scuba Dec 2013 #80

"I did that too - on a unicycle!!" Mojo Electro Dec 2013 #84

...in the middle of the Atlantic! FSogol Dec 2013 #93

It reminds me Mojo Electro Dec 2013 #95

Omg yes.. SummerSnow Dec 2013 #5

I know someone like this. He really wants people to like him Matariki Dec 2013 #8

Oh, yes, I know. This is a pretty mild thing to deal with and actually my daughter stopped her cold CTyankee Dec 2013 #16

"That reminds me of the time ..." frazzled Dec 2013 #9

Now that Barcelona story of yours is JUST like something she would make up! CTyankee Dec 2013 #22

It wasn't Barcelona.... A HERETIC I AM Dec 2013 #63

You're both wrong...it was Kuala Lumpur. Chellee Dec 2013 #69

Ah yes.... A HERETIC I AM Dec 2013 #75

Well she was precocious... Chellee Dec 2013 #88

She must think your family is so awesome and interesting she has to compete with lies angstlessk Dec 2013 #10

Yes, I do think that she feels culturally disadvantaged...and in other ways... CTyankee Dec 2013 #27

It's good to hear that you have some insight into why she does these things xulamaude Dec 2013 #40

everybody feels sorry for her in that respect. what else can you feel? CTyankee Dec 2013 #42

You know, I just realized that almost all of the folks xulamaude Dec 2013 #47

Yes, it is a she in my family. CTyankee Dec 2013 #50

I suppose you could run a secret contest enlightenment Dec 2013 #11

LOVE it! Great idea... CTyankee Dec 2013 #44

Knowing me, I'd be a sarcastic ass and out-do her at every lie. Glassunion Dec 2013 #12

that is funny! I love the story. SO like her... CTyankee Dec 2013 #41

I spent several years working with someone whose previous work experience included Taitertots Dec 2013 #14

This one's a keeper! nt raccoon Dec 2013 #87

I worked for someone who spun yarns all day. I learned to enjoy it. Think of it KittyWampus Dec 2013 #15

this exactly ^^^^ magical thyme Dec 2013 #135

My brother is a compulsive liar. Sheldon Cooper Dec 2013 #17

"Wow, that's great! Really? Cool! Nice. I'm going to grab another beer. Nye Bevan Dec 2013 #18

Hey, we have one of them also tularetom Dec 2013 #19

If it makes you feel any better, I used to date someone exactly like that. arcane1 Dec 2013 #20

I find that hanging out on DU is excellent practice for that sort of thing. Warren DeMontague Dec 2013 #21

Laughing and saying how bizarre/insane etc. works to shut them up lunasun Dec 2013 #23

Before they even start just say. Hey you heard about the new phone app that detects liars? Lint Head Dec 2013 #24

I LOVE that! I'm thinking about telling her that. CTyankee Dec 2013 #33

If she does say that say, "Oh you tried that? Exactly how does that one work?" Lint Head Dec 2013 #59

I would just ignore her Niceguy1 Dec 2013 #25

One way to get through it... DURHAM D Dec 2013 #26

OMG, that sounds just like her! Except without the hair thing... CTyankee Dec 2013 #31

I have known people like that before. I always feel embarrassed for them. But I just don't know what Douglas Carpenter Dec 2013 #28

Feel sorry for her and move on -- UNLESS KentuckyWoman Dec 2013 #29

Her husband is 20 years her senior and is now often "out of it" for brief times and that is usually CTyankee Dec 2013 #32

sounds like that poor woman has alot of issues irisblue Dec 2013 #34

Oh, it's not a happy thing for anybody involved! CTyankee Dec 2013 #46

^^this^^ eridani Dec 2013 #76

Thank you! Le Taz Hot Dec 2013 #126

Yes, i had somebody in my life like that. It was a friend i no longer keep in touch with darkangel218 Dec 2013 #30

I have a friend like that. panader0 Dec 2013 #35

Just laugh and I mean really laugh malaise Dec 2013 #36

Run with it... sarisataka Dec 2013 #37

Oh yeah. . . We have a compulsive liar who ALSO has a histrionic and narcissistic personality. . . BigDemVoter Dec 2013 #38

I had a roommate like that. Cleita Dec 2013 #39

Hey! That's my ex-sister-in-law! Th1onein Dec 2013 #43

No, she's been in the family for a while. Not a tall blonde. Not much of a looker CTyankee Dec 2013 #49

Her stories seem rather harmless to me. LisaL Dec 2013 #45

Naw, this dish is just a silly thing, but it is the constant "I knew that" or "I did that" before CTyankee Dec 2013 #48

I would ask her to make that killer panna cotta or whatever it is bettyellen Dec 2013 #51

I thought about that! "Oh, Ruth, could you make your OWN panna cotta for Christmas?" CTyankee Dec 2013 #53

You should call her now and say, remember that amazing bettyellen Dec 2013 #60

You know, she sounds like she has low self-esteem. Th1onein Dec 2013 #52

yea, it's called who she is married to... CTyankee Dec 2013 #54

It's none of my business, but this IS you family, you know? Th1onein Dec 2013 #72

My daughter's complaint is that she tries to interject herself into family conversations that CTyankee Dec 2013 #83

I don't know her, of course, but usually when people do that it's because they feel Th1onein Dec 2013 #96

OH, she is included. Our family is too polite not to include her in all kinds of celebrations. CTyankee Dec 2013 #98

Good for you. Th1onein Dec 2013 #99

I know but the thing is she brings some of this on herself. It's really hard to warm up to people CTyankee Dec 2013 #100

Of course it's hard to warm up to these kinds of people. Th1onein Dec 2013 #106

That might happen, but it can't come from me. I'll bring it up to my grown kids, tho. CTyankee Dec 2013 #107

You can do this in a vague kind of empathetic way, without calling her a liar. Th1onein Dec 2013 #117

I will suggest that for our next family gathering at Christmas...don't know how that CTyankee Dec 2013 #118

People pick up on it when you don't like them. Being invited doesn't exactly Marr Dec 2013 #112

In a sense, you are right. It is too bad, really. CTyankee Dec 2013 #121

Everyone should play the one-upsman game. She lies, someone one-ups her. Then someone valerief Dec 2013 #55

Say " Really? That's amazing! No kidding! Tell us more! elfin Dec 2013 #56

If she says she did something dangerous .... rickford66 Dec 2013 #57

I would have a Festivus! Complete with feats of strength and airing of grievances. silvershadow Dec 2013 #58

Take turns countering her lies with a bit of movie plot... Barack_America Dec 2013 #61

There are lots of interesting suggestions here BainsBane Dec 2013 #62

nice to revisit this thread and find a mature, kind-hearted response. KittyWampus Dec 2013 #74

No kidding. Some of the stuff is just mean. A little more Nelson Mandela and less Glen Beck is in yellowcanine Dec 2013 #92

IMO yours is the best suggestion. nt raccoon Dec 2013 #128

This message was self-deleted by its author A HERETIC I AM Dec 2013 #64

i have come across some people like this over the years, the best is to ignore if possible JI7 Dec 2013 #65

my sister is just like that demigoddess Dec 2013 #66

"Sweetie, you need to shush now, the grown-ups are talking." nt TeamPooka Dec 2013 #67

Buckaroo Banzai: Don't be Mean. hunter Dec 2013 #68

Every family has some sort of eye-roll inducing weirdo. LeftyMom Dec 2013 #70

You're right. She's annoying but not menacing or really crazy... CTyankee Dec 2013 #82

Have you ever seen David Byrne's movie "True Stories"? Luminous Animal Dec 2013 #71

OMG, that sounds exactly like her! CTyankee Dec 2013 #81

This is probably not the best way to handle it, but I'd personally respond to every story penultimate Dec 2013 #77

it's just better to just love people FatBuddy Dec 2013 #78

I think my daughter tolerates her nicely because she does do some nice things for her. CTyankee Dec 2013 #86

Tell her about that abandoned diamond mine you discovered B Calm Dec 2013 #79

How about simply Caretha Dec 2013 #85

'Ours is just someone who "married in" to the family....' She is family then. Get used to it. yellowcanine Dec 2013 #89

+ a brazillion... TeeYiYi Dec 2013 #103

One-up her stories with one of your own that's even more absurd. cleanhippie Dec 2013 #90

+1 L0oniX Dec 2013 #91

That's exactly it! You nailed it. But I now have riffed on my earlier George Clooney tale... CTyankee Dec 2013 #97

Wow. ananda Dec 2013 #94

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty opens in theatres Dec.25 Tanuki Dec 2013 #101

I loved that story! Very funny, but not quite as funny as "The Night the Bed Fell." CTyankee Dec 2013 #102

Reward good behavior and ignore bad (if possible). cbayer Dec 2013 #104

''Like flatulence, her stuff just sits in the air around the holiday table every year.'' DeSwiss Dec 2013 #105

A compulsive, chronic liar IS a pathological liar! ItTakesAllKinds... Dec 2013 #108

Ohhhkay. But does compassion mean they get to do whatever they want? uppityperson Dec 2013 #109

If someone needs to gently talk to her about her issue ItTakesAllKinds... Dec 2013 #113

I know someone like that, who takes no responsibility for herself and her actions, instead blaming uppityperson Dec 2013 #114

What does "for know seeing" mean? ItTakesAllKinds... Dec 2013 #115

typo. For not seeing. You know how hard tablet typing is, right? uppityperson Dec 2013 #116

this is why I have decided not to get a tablet. I just can't do this...I need a keyboard...I mean a CTyankee Dec 2013 #119

I have gotten used to 4 finger typing but do typos and type slower. It is odd, with no uppityperson Dec 2013 #122

geez, that's all I need....sounds really bad to me, someone who can't stand to make CTyankee Dec 2013 #124

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #127

No, she didn't just marry into the family. This has been going on a LONG time. It's family lore by CTyankee Dec 2013 #129

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #131

not my brother. But the guy is/always has been effed up... CTyankee Dec 2013 #132

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #133

well, nobody yells at her or is abusive towards her! She was challenged, yes, but not in a bad way. CTyankee Dec 2013 #111

Agreed: Genuine Compulsive/Pathological Lying Is A Serious Mental Health Issue drgoodword Dec 2013 #125

This message was self-deleted by its author Marr Dec 2013 #110

Sounds like my ex husband except he was an alcoholic/druggie. bamademo Dec 2013 #120

Oy, sorry for that. This woman doesn't drink so it has nothing to do with alcohol... CTyankee Dec 2013 #123

my best friend growning up was like that-he remained my best friend dembotoz Dec 2013 #130

She sounds like a very insecure person. MineralMan Dec 2013 #134

We try. CTyankee Dec 2013 #136