General Discussion

yellowcanine

(36,798 posts)

89. 'Ours is just someone who "married in" to the family....' She is family then. Get used to it.

Tue Dec 17, 2013, 12:06 PM

Dec 2013

There are not two tiers of family - the natural born ones and the "married in" ones. Maybe seeing it that way colors how you see this person? I really don't think the answer is to put a target on this person's back for snark attacks - which is what I make of some of the comments here. Unless you wish to turn family gatherings into war zones. It sounds a little toxic already actually - confronting someone with "proof" about the authenticity of the dish they brought? - Really??? That more than actual flatulence, would certainly take away from the spirit of the holiday for me - amazing this person still shows up at your gatherings. If in fact the whoppers are an actual problem, there certainly would be a kinder way of addressing the issue discreetly than soliciting advice from a internet discussion group (which she might read and recognize herself, by the way - is that your intent?)

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Dealing with a compulsive liar in the family at Christmas dinner. [View all] CTyankee Dec 2013 OP

Pretend you're in an SNL skit.... MADem Dec 2013 #1

Make a game of it JustABozoOnThisBus Dec 2013 #2

At this point, it's not serious and I really think it is how she deals with her reality given who CTyankee Dec 2013 #13

"Cool story, bro," and ignoring her is what she needs. There is no shaming msanthrope Dec 2013 #3

We are usually too blindsided by her latest confabulation to say anything. It comes out of nowhere. CTyankee Dec 2013 #7

Act all impressed, say something like, "Really?? Tell me more!" The Velveteen Ocelot Dec 2013 #4

See that's brilliant MattBaggins Dec 2013 #6

Yep, keep getting her to embellish the story until it's miles beyond absurd. Fun for all. Scuba Dec 2013 #80

"I did that too - on a unicycle!!" Mojo Electro Dec 2013 #84

...in the middle of the Atlantic! FSogol Dec 2013 #93

It reminds me Mojo Electro Dec 2013 #95

Omg yes.. SummerSnow Dec 2013 #5

I know someone like this. He really wants people to like him Matariki Dec 2013 #8

Oh, yes, I know. This is a pretty mild thing to deal with and actually my daughter stopped her cold CTyankee Dec 2013 #16

"That reminds me of the time ..." frazzled Dec 2013 #9

Now that Barcelona story of yours is JUST like something she would make up! CTyankee Dec 2013 #22

It wasn't Barcelona.... A HERETIC I AM Dec 2013 #63

You're both wrong...it was Kuala Lumpur. Chellee Dec 2013 #69

Ah yes.... A HERETIC I AM Dec 2013 #75

Well she was precocious... Chellee Dec 2013 #88

She must think your family is so awesome and interesting she has to compete with lies angstlessk Dec 2013 #10

Yes, I do think that she feels culturally disadvantaged...and in other ways... CTyankee Dec 2013 #27

It's good to hear that you have some insight into why she does these things xulamaude Dec 2013 #40

everybody feels sorry for her in that respect. what else can you feel? CTyankee Dec 2013 #42

You know, I just realized that almost all of the folks xulamaude Dec 2013 #47

Yes, it is a she in my family. CTyankee Dec 2013 #50

I suppose you could run a secret contest enlightenment Dec 2013 #11

LOVE it! Great idea... CTyankee Dec 2013 #44

Knowing me, I'd be a sarcastic ass and out-do her at every lie. Glassunion Dec 2013 #12

that is funny! I love the story. SO like her... CTyankee Dec 2013 #41

I spent several years working with someone whose previous work experience included Taitertots Dec 2013 #14

This one's a keeper! nt raccoon Dec 2013 #87

I worked for someone who spun yarns all day. I learned to enjoy it. Think of it KittyWampus Dec 2013 #15

this exactly ^^^^ magical thyme Dec 2013 #135

My brother is a compulsive liar. Sheldon Cooper Dec 2013 #17

"Wow, that's great! Really? Cool! Nice. I'm going to grab another beer. Nye Bevan Dec 2013 #18

Hey, we have one of them also tularetom Dec 2013 #19

If it makes you feel any better, I used to date someone exactly like that. arcane1 Dec 2013 #20

I find that hanging out on DU is excellent practice for that sort of thing. Warren DeMontague Dec 2013 #21

Laughing and saying how bizarre/insane etc. works to shut them up lunasun Dec 2013 #23

Before they even start just say. Hey you heard about the new phone app that detects liars? Lint Head Dec 2013 #24

I LOVE that! I'm thinking about telling her that. CTyankee Dec 2013 #33

If she does say that say, "Oh you tried that? Exactly how does that one work?" Lint Head Dec 2013 #59

I would just ignore her Niceguy1 Dec 2013 #25

One way to get through it... DURHAM D Dec 2013 #26

OMG, that sounds just like her! Except without the hair thing... CTyankee Dec 2013 #31

I have known people like that before. I always feel embarrassed for them. But I just don't know what Douglas Carpenter Dec 2013 #28

Feel sorry for her and move on -- UNLESS KentuckyWoman Dec 2013 #29

Her husband is 20 years her senior and is now often "out of it" for brief times and that is usually CTyankee Dec 2013 #32

sounds like that poor woman has alot of issues irisblue Dec 2013 #34

Oh, it's not a happy thing for anybody involved! CTyankee Dec 2013 #46

^^this^^ eridani Dec 2013 #76

Thank you! Le Taz Hot Dec 2013 #126

Yes, i had somebody in my life like that. It was a friend i no longer keep in touch with darkangel218 Dec 2013 #30

I have a friend like that. panader0 Dec 2013 #35

Just laugh and I mean really laugh malaise Dec 2013 #36

Run with it... sarisataka Dec 2013 #37

Oh yeah. . . We have a compulsive liar who ALSO has a histrionic and narcissistic personality. . . BigDemVoter Dec 2013 #38

I had a roommate like that. Cleita Dec 2013 #39

Hey! That's my ex-sister-in-law! Th1onein Dec 2013 #43

No, she's been in the family for a while. Not a tall blonde. Not much of a looker CTyankee Dec 2013 #49

Her stories seem rather harmless to me. LisaL Dec 2013 #45

Naw, this dish is just a silly thing, but it is the constant "I knew that" or "I did that" before CTyankee Dec 2013 #48

I would ask her to make that killer panna cotta or whatever it is bettyellen Dec 2013 #51

I thought about that! "Oh, Ruth, could you make your OWN panna cotta for Christmas?" CTyankee Dec 2013 #53

You should call her now and say, remember that amazing bettyellen Dec 2013 #60

You know, she sounds like she has low self-esteem. Th1onein Dec 2013 #52

yea, it's called who she is married to... CTyankee Dec 2013 #54

It's none of my business, but this IS you family, you know? Th1onein Dec 2013 #72

My daughter's complaint is that she tries to interject herself into family conversations that CTyankee Dec 2013 #83

I don't know her, of course, but usually when people do that it's because they feel Th1onein Dec 2013 #96

OH, she is included. Our family is too polite not to include her in all kinds of celebrations. CTyankee Dec 2013 #98

Good for you. Th1onein Dec 2013 #99

I know but the thing is she brings some of this on herself. It's really hard to warm up to people CTyankee Dec 2013 #100

Of course it's hard to warm up to these kinds of people. Th1onein Dec 2013 #106

That might happen, but it can't come from me. I'll bring it up to my grown kids, tho. CTyankee Dec 2013 #107

You can do this in a vague kind of empathetic way, without calling her a liar. Th1onein Dec 2013 #117

I will suggest that for our next family gathering at Christmas...don't know how that CTyankee Dec 2013 #118

People pick up on it when you don't like them. Being invited doesn't exactly Marr Dec 2013 #112

In a sense, you are right. It is too bad, really. CTyankee Dec 2013 #121

Everyone should play the one-upsman game. She lies, someone one-ups her. Then someone valerief Dec 2013 #55

Say " Really? That's amazing! No kidding! Tell us more! elfin Dec 2013 #56

If she says she did something dangerous .... rickford66 Dec 2013 #57

I would have a Festivus! Complete with feats of strength and airing of grievances. silvershadow Dec 2013 #58

Take turns countering her lies with a bit of movie plot... Barack_America Dec 2013 #61

There are lots of interesting suggestions here BainsBane Dec 2013 #62

nice to revisit this thread and find a mature, kind-hearted response. KittyWampus Dec 2013 #74

No kidding. Some of the stuff is just mean. A little more Nelson Mandela and less Glen Beck is in yellowcanine Dec 2013 #92

IMO yours is the best suggestion. nt raccoon Dec 2013 #128

This message was self-deleted by its author A HERETIC I AM Dec 2013 #64

i have come across some people like this over the years, the best is to ignore if possible JI7 Dec 2013 #65

my sister is just like that demigoddess Dec 2013 #66

"Sweetie, you need to shush now, the grown-ups are talking." nt TeamPooka Dec 2013 #67

Buckaroo Banzai: Don't be Mean. hunter Dec 2013 #68

Every family has some sort of eye-roll inducing weirdo. LeftyMom Dec 2013 #70

You're right. She's annoying but not menacing or really crazy... CTyankee Dec 2013 #82

Have you ever seen David Byrne's movie "True Stories"? Luminous Animal Dec 2013 #71

OMG, that sounds exactly like her! CTyankee Dec 2013 #81

This is probably not the best way to handle it, but I'd personally respond to every story penultimate Dec 2013 #77

it's just better to just love people FatBuddy Dec 2013 #78

I think my daughter tolerates her nicely because she does do some nice things for her. CTyankee Dec 2013 #86

Tell her about that abandoned diamond mine you discovered B Calm Dec 2013 #79

How about simply Caretha Dec 2013 #85

'Ours is just someone who "married in" to the family....' She is family then. Get used to it. yellowcanine Dec 2013 #89

+ a brazillion... TeeYiYi Dec 2013 #103

One-up her stories with one of your own that's even more absurd. cleanhippie Dec 2013 #90

+1 L0oniX Dec 2013 #91

That's exactly it! You nailed it. But I now have riffed on my earlier George Clooney tale... CTyankee Dec 2013 #97

Wow. ananda Dec 2013 #94

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty opens in theatres Dec.25 Tanuki Dec 2013 #101

I loved that story! Very funny, but not quite as funny as "The Night the Bed Fell." CTyankee Dec 2013 #102

Reward good behavior and ignore bad (if possible). cbayer Dec 2013 #104

''Like flatulence, her stuff just sits in the air around the holiday table every year.'' DeSwiss Dec 2013 #105

A compulsive, chronic liar IS a pathological liar! ItTakesAllKinds... Dec 2013 #108

Ohhhkay. But does compassion mean they get to do whatever they want? uppityperson Dec 2013 #109

If someone needs to gently talk to her about her issue ItTakesAllKinds... Dec 2013 #113

I know someone like that, who takes no responsibility for herself and her actions, instead blaming uppityperson Dec 2013 #114

What does "for know seeing" mean? ItTakesAllKinds... Dec 2013 #115

typo. For not seeing. You know how hard tablet typing is, right? uppityperson Dec 2013 #116

this is why I have decided not to get a tablet. I just can't do this...I need a keyboard...I mean a CTyankee Dec 2013 #119

I have gotten used to 4 finger typing but do typos and type slower. It is odd, with no uppityperson Dec 2013 #122

geez, that's all I need....sounds really bad to me, someone who can't stand to make CTyankee Dec 2013 #124

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #127

No, she didn't just marry into the family. This has been going on a LONG time. It's family lore by CTyankee Dec 2013 #129

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #131

not my brother. But the guy is/always has been effed up... CTyankee Dec 2013 #132

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2013 #133

well, nobody yells at her or is abusive towards her! She was challenged, yes, but not in a bad way. CTyankee Dec 2013 #111

Agreed: Genuine Compulsive/Pathological Lying Is A Serious Mental Health Issue drgoodword Dec 2013 #125

This message was self-deleted by its author Marr Dec 2013 #110

Sounds like my ex husband except he was an alcoholic/druggie. bamademo Dec 2013 #120

Oy, sorry for that. This woman doesn't drink so it has nothing to do with alcohol... CTyankee Dec 2013 #123

my best friend growning up was like that-he remained my best friend dembotoz Dec 2013 #130

She sounds like a very insecure person. MineralMan Dec 2013 #134

We try. CTyankee Dec 2013 #136