General Discussion

KurtNYC

(14,549 posts)

24. Really like your points about forgiveness

Mon Dec 23, 2013, 10:42 AM

Dec 2013

Someone surprisingly young pointed out to me that my Ex would apologize for things that they had done on purpose and that they would probably do again. So they weren't accidents or blind spots. My Ex wasn't really asking for forgiveness so much as just asking me to accept that they were going to continue to behave like a selfish jerk. If you accept those kinds of things then you can stay with the person but that is not the same as forgiving them.

I found it much easier to let go of things my Ex "apologized" for after I got my Ex out of my day to day life.

I don't think it is selfish to be self preservational. The first thing they teach lifeguards is that the person you go in the water to save may try to drown you (in a panic) so you have to save yourself or you can't be of value to others.

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If you have found peace, what worked for you? [View all] KurtNYC Dec 2013 OP

Acceptness of who I am madokie Dec 2013 #1

+1. There's a big one: "Loving getting old" KurtNYC Dec 2013 #4

Its my present project madokie Dec 2013 #6

forgiveness Puzzledtraveller Dec 2013 #2

A Course in Miracles MoonRiver Dec 2013 #9

Heart of the matter whatchamacallit Dec 2013 #41

peace is accepting the search G_j Dec 2013 #3

Learning Transcendental Meditation did it for me. Solomon Dec 2013 #5

Where'd you learn it? fadedrose Dec 2013 #42

Contentment Coyote_Bandit Dec 2013 #7

I went through a bout of depression more than 10 years ago. Brickbat Dec 2013 #8

For me what worked was spirituality. darkangel218 Dec 2013 #10

Part of what got me to this question was the annual tempest over "happy holidays" KurtNYC Dec 2013 #19

I think there are people who feel just as strong about their anti religious just as much as some darkangel218 Dec 2013 #21

so what is "spirituality" by your definition? KatyMan Dec 2013 #22

Spirituality has many meanings for many people. darkangel218 Dec 2013 #26

pretty vague there... KatyMan Dec 2013 #36

Sorry, but its personal. darkangel218 Dec 2013 #37

then why answer in the first place with some KatyMan Dec 2013 #38

Oh gawd, just go away. darkangel218 Dec 2013 #40

What is your problem? Union Scribe Dec 2013 #74

Badgering? KatyMan Dec 2013 #79

Yes, so true fadedrose Dec 2013 #44

My own flawed definition: a focus on concepts which are not material KurtNYC Dec 2013 #32

hm. I would consider mortality, generosity and empathy KatyMan Dec 2013 #35

There is a higher plain and a lower plain( in my view ) darkangel218 Dec 2013 #39

Being absolutely honest with myself about Squinch Dec 2013 #11

Really like your points about forgiveness KurtNYC Dec 2013 #24

Yes, exactly. It's a matter of believing people when they Squinch Dec 2013 #28

Don't sweat the small shit. hobbit709 Dec 2013 #12

Peace is in this moment babydollhead Dec 2013 #13

I found peace once I learned to Nuclear Unicorn Dec 2013 #14

Easy one that. dipsydoodle Dec 2013 #15

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A few of them were giving me grief 10 - 12 years ago. dipsydoodle Dec 2013 #25

Crushing my enemies, seeing them driven before me, hearing the lamentation of their women. Orrex Dec 2013 #16

. Liberal_in_LA Dec 2013 #73

Faith, and the realization that... meaculpa2011 Dec 2013 #17

Amen. 840high Dec 2013 #86

A dozen beers and a pipefull of homegrown. panader0 Dec 2013 #18

Dynamical meditation.... peace13 Dec 2013 #20

Through awareness Laughing Mirror Dec 2013 #27

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Getting old. I don't get excited about stuff any more. leftyladyfrommo Dec 2013 #31

I could say many things, but I do think that one wears out with age bhikkhu Dec 2013 #34

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being in the moment, learning to accept things as they are, and letting go. liberal_at_heart Dec 2013 #64

So nice to hear that. I'm happy for you. KurtNYC Dec 2013 #68

We just recently lost a dog. He passed away. I had never owned a dog before. He showed love liberal_at_heart Dec 2013 #69

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That seems like a key part of the plan libodem Dec 2013 #72

Trashing GD. eom uppityperson Dec 2013 #75

I beat up the people who were stressing me tularetom Dec 2013 #76

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This message was self-deleted by its author elocs Dec 2013 #80

When it was realized that there was no me to find peace ! RagAss Dec 2013 #81

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A mystical experience. Or rather, several and continuous experiences. kwassa Dec 2013 #83

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I'm the happiest person in the world, but there is really no point in Zorra Dec 2013 #85

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+1 liberal_at_heart Dec 2013 #88

This is the best thread I have ever read on DU flying rabbit Dec 2013 #89