INDIAN AD TURNS THE MALE GAZE BACK ON ITSELF AND IT'S AWESOME

[MineralMan]

221. No, you know, I think you're wrong.

A number of years ago, I was the oboist in a semi-pro woodwind quintet. We played together as a group for eight years. During that time, the horn player, a woman 15 years younger than me, and I found ourselves mutually attracted to each other. Lots of flirtation went on between us.

I was married, and she was single. After one of our rehearsals, the horn player told me that we ought to just go somewhere and have some fun. Now, that was a very enticing suggestion, for sure. Given the flirtations we had both been engaging in, it would have been easy enough to have done just that.

Instead, we talked about it. I explained that I was really a monogamous guy, and that I really couldn't do that. We both admitted that we were attracted to each other and that in another time and another place, we'd probably be off somewhere together. So, we never did do anything more about the attractions. We continued flirting with each other, but recognized that it was just a matter of mutual attraction that was fun and harmless. The attraction remained, of course.

I think you're wrong about men being monogamous for lack of opportunity and guilt. That may be true for some. For others, it's more a matter of personal principles. That doesn't mean that attractions do not exist. It's what one does about those attractions that makes the difference.

The horn player went on to get married and have three kids with a man she fell in love with. We're still exchanging Christmas cards and an occasional newsy email. I haven't seen her for a couple of decades. If I did, I'm quite sure we'd still flirt with each other.