INDIAN AD TURNS THE MALE GAZE BACK ON ITSELF AND IT'S AWESOME

[davidthegnome]

223. The Male Gaze...

I think that the last time I actually stared at a woman was several years ago - and in my own defense, I don't think I realized I was staring. I was at a restaurant with my sister and my parents, and a Waitress working there had the most beautiful eyes. When she asked for my order, I apparently didn't catch on, as I was kind of lost her eyes. My sister abruptly let me know that I was being "real subtle", by elbowing me in the ribs. I turned twelve different shades of red and apologized profusely. She blushed, but she also had a very warm smile. I don't know if she was flattered or offended, but I hope it was the former - as the latter was not my intention.

I think part of the problem for men is understanding what sort of gaze is appropriate, and what isn't. In my mind, if you meet a woman's eyes and smile, you're not leering. If, on the other hand, you turn to stare at her butt as she walks away from you... or, if, during conversation, you can't keep your eyes from drifting to her breasts... well, I suspect that's the sort of male gaze that makes women uncomfortable. Our culture generally finds both types of looking normal, and has a difficult time telling the difference between the two. It is rather more subtle, and subtlety is, generally speaking, not a concept most Americans are terribly familiar with.

It's somewhat more confusing for men. We don't have the same parts, not really. We aren't as appealing - our bodies aren't quite as graceful or lovely, generally speaking. I believe that many of us are simply enchanted by women, admiring grace of form and beauty as opposed to leering and thinking dirty thoughts. Yes, both types of looks occur frequently, but I expect that one is very often mistaken for another. We live in a culture that seems to link sex and violence together, that often mistakes honest affection for predatory hunger.

Men are, stereo-typically speaking, objectified in a very different sort of way. We are expected to be strong, to keep our emotions hidden, or to give the appearance of simply not having any. So many in this age admire men for great feats of physical strength or violence, this is clear in television, in media, in the... under-currents of society as a whole. We are not seen as simply human beings with our own strengths and weaknesses, who also bleed and cry and are, in truth, probably more emotionally vulnerable than most women.

As a man with three beautiful sisters, I have often had to explain to my friends the difference between respectful admiration and perversion. Most of them didn't get it - and probably still would not. These are the sorts of men that view their wives as possessions, that have hungry, predatory looks in their eyes as they watch women on the dance-floor, that deliberately and coldly view women more as something to hunt and pursue than as human beings deserving of respect. I feel that they lose great opportunities and the potential for real affection as they twist something that should be mutually lovely into something that is more... a hunter looking down the barrel of a rifle at a deer.

I am very much a man who admires beauty, in all of it's many forms. I am not a man who would ever deliberately make someone else uncomfortable, as I am a very nervous and shy person by nature. That said, I do feel that my admiration has often been misread as juvenile leering, when it is instead an open, honest expression of awe. It is sad that we live in an age where a woman must attempt to decipher the stare of random men and wonder... are they admiring her hair, or planning to follow her home?

Our gender has earned this suspicion. We might change it tough, through improving our education, our understanding, and, overall, the simple knowledge that women are human beings just like us.

I suppose I've ranted enough for one post... but let me say simply, that a man gazing at you is not always a bad thing. Some times it is a look filled with respectful admiration.