General Discussion

hunter

(40,686 posts)

37. "Success in dating," "get the girl..." sorry, that's starting to sound a little creepy.

Tue Dec 24, 2013, 11:42 AM

Dec 2013

Success in dating is getting along with the woman you are dating. The socially awkward man is not going to get along with women attracted to the "sexist creep."

I'm a socially awkward, very introverted science person. I'm diagnosed Asperger's. I could count all the women I dated on one hand. Approaching the age of thirty I married the only woman I ever "successfully dated." We have kids.

It was my good fortune to grow up in a matriarchal household. My dad's an artist who had a good union job before he retired. Now he's a full time artist. The women in my family and my wife's family are wild west. They have zero tolerance for creepy men. They taught their boys to respect women. They taught their girls to respect themselves and not tolerate creepy men.

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How did "creeps" and socially awkward men become conflated? [View all] DanTex Dec 2013 OP

Thank you. RedCappedBandit Dec 2013 #1

No it doesn't make you a creep ismnotwasm Dec 2013 #6

Here's an essay that seems relevant to this discussion JHB Dec 2013 #19

I have no idea ismnotwasm Dec 2013 #2

Well said FreakinDJ Dec 2013 #5

.. ismnotwasm Dec 2013 #7

+1 ... 1StrongBlackMan Dec 2013 #10

And +1 to you. To whatever extent these two things are being conflated, enough Dec 2013 #18

perfect analogy, thank you BlancheSplanchnik Dec 2013 #21

Great post. Happy Holidays! nomorenomore08 Dec 2013 #107

To you as well ismnotwasm Dec 2013 #116

Very true. raging moderate Dec 2013 #3

There is more to beauty than surfaces. Bernardo de La Paz Dec 2013 #17

i really love the the balance and grounding in your psot that allows you to seabeyond Dec 2013 #29

I've spent the last 23 years married to the love of my life, but that doesn't mean ... 11 Bravo Dec 2013 #96

Shyness and introversion aren't the same thing. Spider Jerusalem Dec 2013 #4

In my opinion ... 1StrongBlackMan Dec 2013 #8

Your post displays a lot of insight etherealtruth Dec 2013 #9

And to extend my thought, a bit ... 1StrongBlackMan Dec 2013 #12

Yeah etherealtruth Dec 2013 #14

Actually, creeps do get the girl. DanTex Dec 2013 #16

I agree ... 1StrongBlackMan Dec 2013 #20

"Success in dating," "get the girl..." sorry, that's starting to sound a little creepy. hunter Dec 2013 #37

You must have missed this. Pretty much the opposite of what you're suggesting: Comrade Grumpy Dec 2013 #69

How so? n/t 1StrongBlackMan Dec 2013 #100

danger seattledo Dec 2013 #70

What? Very often? DanTex Dec 2013 #76

What you say has little to no basis in reality. And "awkward" men don't need to be demonized nomorenomore08 Dec 2013 #109

Because it is subjective Harmony Blue Dec 2013 #11

Here's two "socially awkward" charactors from The Big Bang TexasProgresive Dec 2013 #13

absolutely. making socially awkward cool and lovable. the only show i watch. i love the characters. seabeyond Dec 2013 #30

Perfect etherealtruth Dec 2013 #36

Where did that happen? treestar Dec 2013 #15

For example... DanTex Dec 2013 #28

the second was done because SOME men were defending the leering with socially awkward. seabeyond Dec 2013 #32

I'd say that at the very least that quote has an unpleasant tone. DanTex Dec 2013 #39

i think the reason it probably resonated with the OP'er is cause we had been hearing all day, seabeyond Dec 2013 #40

Everyone's responding to something. DanTex Dec 2013 #48

i agree. you do not see me starting OPs. i never do. and the majority of what i do address seabeyond Dec 2013 #51

I agree, two completely different groups of people. geek tragedy Dec 2013 #22

Because "socially awkward" is a euphemism for Creep Demeter Dec 2013 #23

Here: Vashta Nerada Dec 2013 #24

that's not what it says Demeter Dec 2013 #26

Yeah, read the thread title. Vashta Nerada Dec 2013 #35

That differentiates between the two treestar Dec 2013 #34

Really disturbing grahamhgreen Dec 2013 #115

good post dan. there was a lot talking about leering using it as an excuse for men, seabeyond Dec 2013 #25

I have a hard time understanding your posts Boudica the Lyoness Dec 2013 #72

i knew there were issues, as did the school and teachers. i never took him to the doctor to seabeyond Dec 2013 #74

I never have trouble understanding your posts. You do have a unique style and I suspect some use retread Dec 2013 #86

i appreciate it retread. thank you. have a happy couple days. i am off to enjoy seabeyond Dec 2013 #92

Attack what? Boudica the Lyoness Dec 2013 #99

I'm trying to understand what you are talking about Boudica the Lyoness Dec 2013 #89

"it's pissing me off" xulamaude Dec 2013 #91

Hey! Boudica the Lyoness Dec 2013 #98

I don't have any trouble understanding what she says. xulamaude Dec 2013 #102

I don't see a whole lot of people having much trouble understanding her kcr Dec 2013 #104

take care of your boys. i will take care of mine. you have no idea... seabeyond Dec 2013 #93

Not boys Boudica the Lyoness Dec 2013 #97

Good riddance? Where is she going? kcr Dec 2013 #105

K&R Katashi_itto Dec 2013 #27

Latest gender wars on DU suck TransitJohn Dec 2013 #31

Nice post.. I love the last line because what a better world it would be mountain grammy Dec 2013 #33

Just to contribute an added layer Shankapotomus Dec 2013 #38

I remember an NPR interview libodem Dec 2013 #41

"women who talk about street harrassment" hfojvt Dec 2013 #42

"Relatively easier" is not the same thing as "easy." Just saying. nomorenomore08 Dec 2013 #110

When creeps/assholes started trying to say 'I'm not a creep, I'm just socially awkward!' redqueen Dec 2013 #43

They're not. A creep is any guy who's attention is unwanted... Demo_Chris Dec 2013 #44

It's not within anyone's power to control what other people think kcr Dec 2013 #45

"Creep" is a subjective perjorative label, not an objective description of activities Demo_Chris Dec 2013 #83

Right. Exactly so. How does that change what I've said? kcr Dec 2013 #87

My objection is that you insist on using the term as something men DO, rather than something women f Demo_Chris Dec 2013 #94

I'm doing no such thing kcr Dec 2013 #95

Of course it's subjective. All "labels" are. Doesn't make them invalid, though. nomorenomore08 Dec 2013 #113

Wrong. redqueen Dec 2013 #67

My point Red is that we are not talking here about objective things... Demo_Chris Dec 2013 #88

But really, all labels are are descriptive words. kcr Dec 2013 #103

Can't argue with that. nt Demo_Chris Dec 2013 #111

haha, so she is demanding attention and the creep ignores her, LOL. Sure thing. bettyellen Dec 2013 #78

I don't know. Relationships are difficult. I really love this song and video: Zorra Dec 2013 #46

This one's also apropos DanTex Dec 2013 #47

That's a beautiful song. redqueen Dec 2013 #49

That's a great song too. DanTex Dec 2013 #50

The No Doubt people love the Radiohead side. redqueen Dec 2013 #52

Yes. kcr Dec 2013 #53

THANK YOU! redqueen Dec 2013 #55

Men who've harrassed me, leered at me, gave creeepy vibes, generally haven't been the awkard types kcr Dec 2013 #59

Same experience here, save a few. redqueen Dec 2013 #62

I'm not sure that's entirely true. DanTex Dec 2013 #54

I read that as him trying to be charitable to the kinds who see discussions of sexual harassment redqueen Dec 2013 #57

I don't see how you could possibly read it that way. Honestly. DanTex Dec 2013 #63

You'll have to ask Mr. Scorpio to clarify his intent. I can only give you my perspective. redqueen Dec 2013 #64

There are at least two such examples in this thread. DanTex Dec 2013 #71

The first post was replied to almost immediately. redqueen Dec 2013 #73

Thanks for getting that I get it. DanTex Dec 2013 #90

Both those tunes rule whatchamacallit Dec 2013 #61

As a perfect example of someone who actually is both creepy and socially awkward, I present Flatulo Dec 2013 #56

Almost makes me wish I had HBO. redqueen Dec 2013 #60

Wonderfully said WatermelonRat Dec 2013 #58

I wish you didn't feel targeted by such rhetoric. redqueen Dec 2013 #75

Thank you WatermelonRat Dec 2013 #82

Why don't you ask some women IRL? Egalitarian Thug Dec 2013 #65

Even if true, what about the significant percentage that aren't? It's a type of profiling Tom Rinaldo Dec 2013 #77

Life is hard. Get a fucking helmet. Egalitarian Thug Dec 2013 #79

My well informed opinion: xulamaude Dec 2013 #66

some guys cry "Unfair!" that women will allow the socially adept more leeway, and bettyellen Dec 2013 #68

Definition of the word Glassunion Dec 2013 #80

Parts of nerd culture tend to be really sexist. NuclearDem Dec 2013 #81

Creepiness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Tierra_y_Libertad Dec 2013 #84

You're right - it's two different issues gollygee Dec 2013 #85

Thank you for this lucid and intelligent post bluestateguy Dec 2013 #101

they are 2 entirely different things in my mind. magical thyme Dec 2013 #106

i also find Socially Awkward types to be mostly respectful to everyone JI7 Dec 2013 #108

Maybe partly because people tend to be simpleminded, and not big on nuance? nomorenomore08 Dec 2013 #112

I don't know, and I don't like it. SMC22307 Dec 2013 #114