How did "creeps" and socially awkward men become conflated?

[bettyellen]

68. some guys cry "Unfair!" that women will allow the socially adept more leeway, and

them less, so they use that excuse as a reason to push the boundaries and disrespect a woman's agency. I think this is where the assumption that looks and money excuse boorish behavior (and they do for people who only want status from partners) so that equals boorish behavior should be blanket acceptable. So, a women's desires or comfort level with them becomes a non-issue. And it goes to the heart of the creeper problem, being very okay with making people uncomfortable.


nerdspaces like Comic Con, etc, where it seems to be a problem, have cause a lot of net chatter on it. These two blog posts are especially good.

"the fundamental truth about creepy behavior: at it’s core it’s an issue of a violation of boundaries. Some people are able to get away with behavior that others are not – being sexually direct, making inappropriate jokes, standing well within an individual’s personal space – because boundaries are elastic. We are more willing to accept certain behavior from some people than others; people we know well are able to “get away” with more as it were. People who are socially well-calibrated are given more opportunities than a random stranger. We allow them greater leeway than others because they demonstrate through their behavior and actions that they understand where the line is – and this is important – how to step back from it when they get too close."

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2013/04/how-to-reform-creeper/

Acknowledge that you don’t get to define other people’s comfort level with you. Which is to say that you may be trying your hardest to be interesting and engaging and fun to be around — and still come off as a creeper to someone else. Yes, that sucks for you. But you know what? It sucks for them even harder, because you’re creeping them out and making them profoundly unhappy and uncomfortable. It may not seem fair that “creep” is their assessment of you, but: Surprise! It doesn’t matter, and if you try to argue with them (or anyone else) that you’re in fact not being a creep and the problem is with them not you, then you go from “creep” to “complete assbag.” Sometimes people aren’t going to like you or want to be near you. It’s just the way it is."

http://whatever.scalzi.com/2012/08/09/an-incomplete-guide-to-not-creeping/