Why Women Aren’t Welcome on the Internet

[BarackTheVote]

73. Very true. I've gotten into fights with family on FB that never would have happened IRL

Back in the AOL days, I thought that people felt they had license to behave badly online because of their anonymity. Unless you screwed up, or unless you ticked off a hacker, nobody would ever connect you with your screen name. It instills bravery, or recklessness... you feel more able to speak your mind, because there are virtually no consequences. Burn down a bridge, delete your screen name and come back with a new one. The Star Warsies of AOL would invade the Bridge (the most popular Star Trek chat room) and vice versa, slinging insults and generally being disruptive, and yes, bullying each other. The "anonymous dick" aka "troll" is just a part of the internet... a person removed from consequences is kind of terrible a lot of the time. They're on almost every message board, they're in almost every chat room, and don't even get me started on the quality of conversation you get in the middle of a Modern Warfare 2 multiplayer match.

And then there's Facebook, which seems to blow the anonymity theory completely out of the water. Supposedly, everyone you interact with is someone you know IRL, or at least a friend of a friend. You see their name, you see their image, you see their connections. You've known each other practically your whole lives, loved each other as friends and family, and yet BANG--Duck Dynasty happens and you're at each other's throats, saying things you would never dream of saying IRL, getting called ignorant, stupid, and getting the same back in return--even to the point of them telling you you're legit going to hell!. Clearly, they're not anonymous. So what's the mechanism? Well, the lack of consequences still exists in two big obvious ways: 1) you can't see how much you're upsetting them, you can't see them cry, and 2) you're far enough away that they won't just cold-cock you in the face. You're largely removed from the empathetic triggers, as well as physical danger, two of the biggest things that hold us in check as social animals.

And this is between FAMILY! I know I've got to see these people again, and the last thing I want is to have that awkward moment when we remember all the shit we said online and don't know what to say IRL (actually didn't go to one half of my familys' Christmas party this year because they went too far on FB). So I, at least, try to keep myself in check, and a lot of times I do, sometimes I slip up in the heat of the moment, but I always try to take a breath and ask myself, would I say this to their faces? Almost unequivocally, the answer is no, but is that no because I'd be too afraid to take a moral, righteous stand, or is the answer no because it's just mean? If the former, say it, if you later, delete that shit and walk away.

Then, you get people who are just angry, who just want to vent. Maybe they were bullied IRL, or had a girlfriend break their hearts, or never had a girl give them the time of day for one reason or another, or have been fed homophobic and/or racist BS their whole lives. Anonymity, lack of empathetic feedback, and a mean spirit looking to make trouble form a very toxic concoction. And a lot of times, to the victim, I know it's a shock to the system, but you just gotta let it go. 99% of the time, these people are no threat because they're cowards at the core; they reason why they're doing this online is because it's the only outlet for saying what they want to say where they won't get horrifically beaten. They're harassing to harass because they can, and you can engage them (what they're looking for, probably) or you can block them, you can report them to the admins and see about getting them banned from the site... Trolls should be pitied, not feared. For the 1% that are a special kind of crazy and are willing to take this IRL... that's one of those things I feel out society hasn't quite caught up to yet. But, my point is that the vast majority of the time, these people can't be reasoned with, just want to disrupt, and are no real threat, so you really need a grow a thick skin online or else you will be psychologically tormented. Like demons, the only way they can hurt you is if you let them inside. It sucks to have to deal with, but if you have any kind of presence online, you have to.

I feel it's also important to point out that a lot of the cyber-bullying suicides result from bullying that starts IRL transferring over to harassment online, which doesn't sound exactly like what the OP is talking about, or at least is a different issue from strictly online harassment and I don't think the two should be lumped in together.