To the younger women of DU:

[Ms. Toad]

107. Had a conversation with my daughter the other day -

(early 20s) The word feminism puts her off, and she thinks that men are equally oppressed by gender norming, so we should find a different word that doesn't exclude men.

Partly that is just ignorance (she really hasn't encountered blatant sexism yet - partly because she has far bigger issues in her own life), and partly it is a different perspective on the impact of oppression. She (and more of her generation - or at least the progressive types she tends to run with) are more focused on emotional health than financial health. She sees guys who more closely fit female gender norms being less free to do that than women who more closely fit the tomboy mold.

What she doesn't see is that the reason there is more expressed prejudice at being gender non-conformative for males is because that for many men (not always consciously), women are inferior. Women expressing more traditionally masculine traits is at least striving to move up in the world, whereas a man adopting a more feminine presentation is moving down - and that dynamic is still part and parcel of women being valued less than men.

So - I don't know what she wants (question 3), but I'm talking with her about what I have (and still do) experience in my traditionally male job, and about the bigger perspective - about why what she is accurately observing is still where feminism needs to play a role in pointing out why that strong discouragement for her male friends wearing high heels, or wanting to work in more traditionally female jobs still happens.