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[TM99]

20. Politely but bluntly

it is incredibly arrogant and wrong-headed to believe that you can know the 'tells' of sexual abuse just because you are woman, have experienced sexual harassment, and consider yourself a feminist.

I am a man. I was sexually abused from the ages of 7 to 9. I am a psychologist. I have practiced somatic psychotherapies from almost 25 years. With all of my personal experience, years of therapy and supervision, professional training, and professional experience, I know that there are no 'tells' certainly such that I or anyone can or could look at this muddled and dysfunctional family system and know for sure that Dylan Farrow was molested.

Additionally, my mother is a brilliant and loving woman who was a 'feminist' long before many of y'all were even born. She was a damned fine mother who still had no idea I was being molested. She didn't miss any 'tells' because there weren't any to miss.

I watch fellow therapists, men and women, who have unresolved abuse issues carry that counter-transference into the counseling relationship. They see abuse where there was not any, and often miss the more subtle signs that could lead to a realization of abuse because of their unfinished business and arrogance.

There is enough information that counters sexual molestation as there are claims of it in this case. I am not arrogant enough to presume that I know for sure unless I actually have clinical contact with those involved.