General Discussion

BainsBane

(57,741 posts)

63. I hear you

Thu Feb 6, 2014, 06:14 PM

Feb 2014

As awful as those experiences are, we can learn from them. The other aleternative is not to learn and continue to repeat a pattern of involving oneself with abusive partners. Therapy is intended to avoid the latter.

Why you have that feeling is exactly what therapists do. That enables you to think consciously about the various cues you've picked up on. Yeah, abuse survivors can be hypervigilant, but it beats the altnerative. I'm not risking my life because someone online who despises me thinks I should succum to the determination of an anonymous therapist. That some don't distinguish between a categorical statement of another person's guiilt and making personal decisions about one's own life is also odd.

I'm very sorry you endured such an awful experience, bettyellen. I'm gald you came out on the otherside of it.

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This message was self-deleted by its author [View all] BainsBane Feb 2014 OP

This poll/thread could be classic, or a bomb snooper2 Feb 2014 #1

I really don't care. TreasonousBastard Feb 2014 #2

Not enough info is available to know (nt) LostOne4Ever Feb 2014 #3

I believe Dylan(children do NOT lie about this)but is this really appropriate as a POLL question? Ken Burch Feb 2014 #4

It's been the subject of countless threads this week BainsBane Feb 2014 #5

Unfortunately, yes TM99 Feb 2014 #6

Yes the "satanic abuse panic" of the 80s is a great example of the problems that can arise anneboleyn Feb 2014 #123

Exactly. TM99 Feb 2014 #133

actually you did declare allen innocent and vindicated. and secondly..... seabeyond Feb 2014 #139

What on earth are you reading? polly7 Feb 2014 #142

what am i reading? other posts of his also. lower in the thread. but jump seabeyond Feb 2014 #143

Oh .... sorry, I didn't realize this thread wasn't meant to include everyone. polly7 Feb 2014 #144

and, i said that where? really? bah hahahaha seabeyond Feb 2014 #148

You said I just 'jumped right in'. polly7 Feb 2014 #151

yes. you did. jump right in. ... that is as far as i am going. polly.... seabeyond Feb 2014 #154

I sure did. I pay to be a member and post here just like you. nt. polly7 Feb 2014 #155

ya, ok, so??? lol seabeyond Feb 2014 #159

She surely missed you a lot sea - lol. n/t seaglass Feb 2014 #170

Wow. Speak for yourself. polly7 Feb 2014 #171

I think it's funny. n/t seaglass Feb 2014 #172

I actualy find deliberate twisting of others' words fairly disgusting, polly7 Feb 2014 #173

I do too polly, avoid it at all costs. As far as your other comments, are you stating that sea seaglass Feb 2014 #183

If you avoid it at all costs, polly7 Feb 2014 #187

What I think is funny (when not annoying) is your constant obvious and selective attacks. seaglass Feb 2014 #189

Attacks! polly7 Feb 2014 #192

I'm not a victim nor claiming to be one - talk about twisting words...lol. n/t seaglass Feb 2014 #193

What does any of that have to do with Woody Allen or Dylan Farrow? BainsBane Feb 2014 #232

I was answering posts addressed to me, do you have a problem with that too? polly7 Feb 2014 #234

That's quite an accusation. Where did she call someone a pedophile apologist? BainsBane Feb 2014 #231

Quite an accurate accusation!! polly7 Feb 2014 #235

Twisting words BainsBane Feb 2014 #238

Oh, I don't worry about your life ......... believe me. polly7 Feb 2014 #239

Cool BainsBane Feb 2014 #240

Just answering your smarmy accusations. polly7 Feb 2014 #242

No, it didn't BainsBane Feb 2014 #245

I'm going through some pretty great things at the moment, thanks. polly7 Feb 2014 #246

lol. i know. to be so loved. there are a handful. i got the welcome yesterday in a subthread seabeyond Feb 2014 #191

Would 10 years old be considered a "younger woman"? That's when Woody first met Soon-Yi, R B Garr Feb 2014 #200

he said she was in the background and he noticed and wanted her to feel special. (not exact quote) . seabeyond Feb 2014 #201

Yes, it's not as simple as a man being attracted to a "younger woman" R B Garr Feb 2014 #202

here is the thread, that has link to judge. very interesting. seabeyond Feb 2014 #211

There is a lot of muddied information TM99 Feb 2014 #233

except that's not the basis for it treestar Feb 2014 #251

From what is reported TM99 Feb 2014 #253

It's not like your average rich man being attracted to a 19 year old treestar Feb 2014 #256

I have a relative who is a Wee Care kid... msanthrope Feb 2014 #174

actually many have lied about this. bowens43 Feb 2014 #177

I voted that it's likely gollygee Feb 2014 #7

The other question - if the allegations are true what should fans of Woody Allen do about it? nt el_bryanto Feb 2014 #8

That, I believe, is a separate question BainsBane Feb 2014 #9

It is a separate question but I think it's key. el_bryanto Feb 2014 #10

I had to break down and see "Midnight in Paris" and I admit I loved it. CTyankee Feb 2014 #12

This will never be proven. SolutionisSolidarity Feb 2014 #104

Any charge against a man? That's interesting terminology. nt el_bryanto Feb 2014 #116

The argument has been that false accusations are so rare that we should assume all accusations true. SolutionisSolidarity Feb 2014 #216

I'm not sure how useful a polygraph is in such cases BainsBane Feb 2014 #185

When you display the names of the voters Capt. Obvious Feb 2014 #11

. pintobean Feb 2014 #13

All but one has been entirely predicatable throughout this story BainsBane Feb 2014 #14

after reading this for a couple days, it seems what i hear, is the people that excuse allen seabeyond Feb 2014 #15

I've been surprised by the number of men here who have disclosed experiences BainsBane Feb 2014 #16

agree with what you say.... absolutely. and i think some feel they are entitled, a mans right seabeyond Feb 2014 #17

I think some are also truly unaware that their Squinch Feb 2014 #65

Where do you think that comes from? BainsBane Feb 2014 #68

To give THEM the benefit of the doubt, for SOME I am sure it comes from Squinch Feb 2014 #71

false accusation is rare, and pedophiles lying is always. hm... lets believe the pedophile. seabeyond Feb 2014 #96

Politely but bluntly TM99 Feb 2014 #20

i do not fully agree with you, and i do not disagree either.... seabeyond Feb 2014 #22

We all have instincts BainsBane Feb 2014 #23

Instincts are just not enough TM99 Feb 2014 #28

I was quite clear about how I see the role of instinct BainsBane Feb 2014 #29

What then are the precise and objective consequences of an instinct to avoid Woody's movies...? LanternWaste Feb 2014 #53

Both of you seem focused solely on the idea of a 'court case' TM99 Feb 2014 #106

"Both of you seem focused solely on the idea of a 'court case'" BainsBane Feb 2014 #110

Sadly, a predictable response. TM99 Feb 2014 #112

not really. at the least baines was a well thought out and well expressed post seabeyond Feb 2014 #117

There is no possibility of conversation TM99 Feb 2014 #119

"There is no possibility of conversation" BainsBane Feb 2014 #120

you are the one that has chosen to name call thru out your posts. you are the one that has seabeyond Feb 2014 #121

Heads up BainsBane Feb 2014 #126

Really? I've had some great conversations with BB and sea. Rex Feb 2014 #149

It is more challenging when one doesn't read my post BainsBane Feb 2014 #184

Yeah that has to be hard, to discuss something Rex Feb 2014 #222

Did you see this? BainsBane Feb 2014 #223

Thank you for your brilliant, well-thought out posts on this matter. nt msanthrope Feb 2014 #175

Somatic psychotherapy BainsBane Feb 2014 #124

body, mind, spirit. seabeyond Feb 2014 #196

When I spoke with the dance therapist I mentioned BainsBane Feb 2014 #198

How about a line of reasoning where you indicate BainsBane Feb 2014 #118

and this would be the interesting of the net. i am so willing to discuss all kinds of aspects seabeyond Feb 2014 #122

"Emotional pablum" left a mark, did it not? nt msanthrope Feb 2014 #176

Actually the most startling part BainsBane Feb 2014 #182

Left quite a mark, then. nt msanthrope Feb 2014 #186

No, but you want to think so BainsBane Feb 2014 #188

Bain..the fact that you've spent so much time on a poster who quite deftly msanthrope Feb 2014 #190

So what is the point for you? BainsBane Feb 2014 #194

Is that the way ignore works? pintobean Feb 2014 #195

You're really going to talk about what peple do when someone has them on ignore? BainsBane Feb 2014 #204

check out the thread, roguevalley, what the judge said way back when. not looking good for woody. nt seabeyond Feb 2014 #207

here is the link. thinking therapist should unignore us so he can gather more info.... seabeyond Feb 2014 #209

Your replies frequently pintobean Feb 2014 #212

I suggest you worry about what you write BainsBane Feb 2014 #213

Your suggestions are welcome pintobean Feb 2014 #215

Classy as always BainsBane Feb 2014 #230

i asked a question, and baines thoroughly provided information for me. why would you turn it into seabeyond Feb 2014 #197

Yeah, I don't see how he handed my ass to me BainsBane Feb 2014 #208

since he addressed nothing you talked about, but called you arrogant and stupid, lol seabeyond Feb 2014 #210

point by point excellent post baines that would be an interesting conversation yet was shrugged, seabeyond Feb 2014 #114

you just said there are no tells, but people- "miss the more subtle signs". A complete contradiction bettyellen Feb 2014 #30

Does that mean that you are the moral arbiter of what is the right way to think sabrina 1 Feb 2014 #134

No, it means I answered his question BainsBane Feb 2014 #135

So you really don't care about having a discussion, you just want to know how to pass judgment cui bono Feb 2014 #218

Right, that's it exactly BainsBane Feb 2014 #220

Brilliantly stated. cui bono Feb 2014 #219

Brilliance? BainsBane Feb 2014 #221

Absolutely! Oh, and accurate. cui bono Feb 2014 #225

the judge says allen was grossly inappropriate with dylan seabeyond Feb 2014 #226

You're confusing me with someone who is arguing the merits of Dylan's accusations. cui bono Feb 2014 #227

ah. and see. after posting i was thinking to self.... seabeyond Feb 2014 #228

"Captain Obvious" = Best username ever. lumberjack_jeff Feb 2014 #237

Based on the understanding that most accusations of abuse have some merit ... 11 Bravo Feb 2014 #18

I voted other because I don't need nor want to know the sordid details of this family's Tuesday Afternoon Feb 2014 #19

i think the trigger in all this was teh public honoring. how much bile would you have to swallow... seabeyond Feb 2014 #24

I agree with that. Would -I- have made a public statement? -I- don't know ... Tuesday Afternoon Feb 2014 #25

I have no idea but I have to say he gives me the creeps. hrmjustin Feb 2014 #21

Dylan is unquestionably the victim of abuse. baldguy Feb 2014 #26

"Certainly by Mia" BainsBane Feb 2014 #27

"instinct" pintobean Feb 2014 #31

And the jury results are in... aikoaiko Feb 2014 #32

Haha. ForgoTheConsequence Feb 2014 #34

Oh my pintobean Feb 2014 #39

I think alerters need own their alerts. That might cut down on some of this crap. Comrade Grumpy Feb 2014 #46

Your sensity to the topic is duly noted BainsBane Feb 2014 #33

The thread topic is not the source of amusement. pintobean Feb 2014 #37

Your posts speak for themselves BainsBane Feb 2014 #40

How do you know what he decided is most important? polly7 Feb 2014 #41

She's hiding behind the subject. ForgoTheConsequence Feb 2014 #43

Exactly! nt. polly7 Feb 2014 #45

Imagine thinking the point of a discussion board BainsBane Feb 2014 #78

The thing is, you don't appreciate discussion that you don't agree with. polly7 Feb 2014 #87

A very common tactic by some. nt oldhippie Feb 2014 #49

As is the passive aggressive tendency to refer to specific people as "some" LanternWaste Feb 2014 #54

Which is used as a tactic to avoid ..... oldhippie Feb 2014 #56

That tactic is common on DU pintobean Feb 2014 #58

At least you're honest about your "gotcha" tactics. R B Garr Feb 2014 #72

Once again, you show your amazing comprehension skills. pintobean Feb 2014 #74

Ironic, considering BainsBane Feb 2014 #77

Exactly! R B Garr Feb 2014 #88

Well, there are a few others he focuses on BainsBane Feb 2014 #91

Please don't use me pintobean Feb 2014 #93

I can do better than that BainsBane Feb 2014 #99

Not a problem pintobean Feb 2014 #100

Pot-kettle BainsBane Feb 2014 #103

I entered the thread to vote in your poll. pintobean Feb 2014 #89

Oh, the irony! opiate69 Feb 2014 #66

Going for another? BainsBane Feb 2014 #76

Another what? Is that some kind of a threat? opiate69 Feb 2014 #90

It was a question BainsBane Feb 2014 #92

Criticism? BainsBane Feb 2014 #75

People don't even know you, polly7 Feb 2014 #85

People reveal their concerns and priorities through what they post BainsBane Feb 2014 #79

Well that was deep. polly7 Feb 2014 #86

Thanks Polly. Well said. n/t sabrina 1 Feb 2014 #136

Your posts speak for themselves, as well. pintobean Feb 2014 #42

Make whatever excuse you like BainsBane Feb 2014 #44

You know nothing about me or my life. pintobean Feb 2014 #51

"Everybody knows what you're trying to do." Who is "everybody"? R B Garr Feb 2014 #69

Well, you just proved me wrong. pintobean Feb 2014 #70

As for subject matter BainsBane Feb 2014 #47

the "professional" who directly contradicted themselves- saying there were subtle signs but no tells bettyellen Feb 2014 #55

Moreover, liscenced therapists are mandated reporters BainsBane Feb 2014 #60

yeah, that was no professional opinion, LOL. Ignoring your gut feelings is counter indicated- bettyellen Feb 2014 #62

I hear you BainsBane Feb 2014 #63

Now, now ...... polly7 Feb 2014 #166

What some people find inconceivable ..... oldhippie Feb 2014 #48

Yeah, it's a safe bet that will always be the case BainsBane Feb 2014 #50

You don't think that brainwashing your child to hate their other parent isn't abuse? baldguy Feb 2014 #80

Moses isn't the victim, Dylan is BainsBane Feb 2014 #81

I note that you didn't answer the question. baldguy Feb 2014 #82

I didn't answer the question because I don't believe it happened BainsBane Feb 2014 #83

So you think Moses is lying when he said him and his sister were abused by Mia. baldguy Feb 2014 #94

I know nothing but you know with certainty Mia abused Dylan BainsBane Feb 2014 #101

And you are deligitimizing the other child's own account of his experience sabrina 1 Feb 2014 #137

The victim BainsBane Feb 2014 #214

The judge found that it was Woody who responded in litigation by treestar Feb 2014 #252

And that has exactly bupkis to do with Mia's allegations of sexual abuse. baldguy Feb 2014 #254

The judge did not find that she did that treestar Feb 2014 #255

This whole Moses Farrow thing is ridiculous. ALL of the other children say the opposite Squinch Feb 2014 #95

No they don't. Most haven't said anything at all. And 6 of them were adopted after Farrow & El_Johns Feb 2014 #98

Keep telling yourself that BainsBane Feb 2014 #111

You must have an awfully low opinion of Soon-Yi. Bonobo Feb 2014 #113

None of which has anything to do with the point at issue. El_Johns Feb 2014 #127

If brainwashing isn't at issue BainsBane Feb 2014 #131

Try to follow the conversation, please. El_Johns Feb 2014 #138

Oh, so you were responding to my post BainsBane Feb 2014 #140

I see you are incapable. El_Johns Feb 2014 #141

What you are doing is insisting the conversation be directed toward one side issue BainsBane Feb 2014 #146

Actually, what I'm asking is that you follow the conversation rather than vomiting out El_Johns Feb 2014 #147

You mean not getting back to the key issue BainsBane Feb 2014 #206

So if brainwashing isn't at issue BainsBane Feb 2014 #129

But it was in People Magazine! BainsBane Feb 2014 #105

Moses is a family therapist himself. kskiska Feb 2014 #199

Other. Iggo Feb 2014 #35

That is an option. BainsBane Feb 2014 #36

No, Number 3 is "I have no idea." Iggo Feb 2014 #38

This is tasteless. Marr Feb 2014 #52

I have no idea and furthermore.. sendero Feb 2014 #57

what i do know - woody is a perv to start up romance with teen adopted daughter Liberal_in_LA Feb 2014 #59

but it wasn't his adopted daughter. kwassa Feb 2014 #107

BLECH!!!! countryjake Feb 2014 #61

Here, lie down for a bit. Sheldon Cooper Feb 2014 #73

I see nasty, sexist smears about pearl-clutching, emotional women... countryjake Feb 2014 #165

I believe Dylan Bjorn Against Feb 2014 #64

This is not a court of law and I did not base my vote on "beyond a reasonable doubt" standard Gothmog Feb 2014 #67

Other: I just don't effing care. Never liked pnwest Feb 2014 #84

Not responding to poll and this thread is going in the trash where it belongs. Skidmore Feb 2014 #97

There is the notion that even firsthand eyewitnesses closeupready Feb 2014 #102

I think you summed it up pretty accurately. sabrina 1 Feb 2014 #109

Does anyone know how old Soon-Yi was when he took those nude pictures R B Garr Feb 2014 #108

someone is bound to have a link ... Tuesday Afternoon Feb 2014 #164

I don't think Mia Farrow would have hesitated to mention if they were underage photos. tammywammy Feb 2014 #203

Thanks for the links! That's a great observation about Mia, as well. R B Garr Feb 2014 #224

Soon Yi was 19 when they found the photos, I think BainsBane Feb 2014 #205

OTHER: None of my (or anyone's) business. ScreamingMeemie Feb 2014 #115

If true, you do realize it's a felony BainsBane Feb 2014 #125

You do realize it's none of my business? ScreamingMeemie Feb 2014 #128

I disagree BainsBane Feb 2014 #130

I will hope, for you, that your family hasn't been or never is thrust into the court of the ScreamingMeemie Feb 2014 #132

So how is the list comparison going? Capt. Obvious Feb 2014 #145

i would say 3 out of 4 that have an opinion think allen is a pedophile. seabeyond Feb 2014 #150

Incorrect and unwarranted assumption HERVEPA Feb 2014 #152

74/25. 3 in 4. i excluded those who dont know. seabeyond Feb 2014 #156

Repeating your statement does not address my point HERVEPA Feb 2014 #158

he asked what the poll was saying, not all of life. i spoke about the poll, not all of life. seabeyond Feb 2014 #160

I was not addressing all of life. HERVEPA Feb 2014 #167

That's not what he asked. pintobean Feb 2014 #169

if you have an opinion you are welcome to share it. it is Only an Opinion after all Tuesday Afternoon Feb 2014 #162

You blew off 60% of respondents pintobean Feb 2014 #153

74/25. 3 in 4. i excluded those who dont know. seabeyond Feb 2014 #157

None of us know. pintobean Feb 2014 #161

Opinions was the question. Fact is a lot of people have an opinion. Tuesday Afternoon Feb 2014 #178

See the post that I replied to. pintobean Feb 2014 #180

Perfectly valid way to interpret polls Capt. Obvious Feb 2014 #163

Other. I don't have a clue, I wasn't there. Autumn Feb 2014 #168

A poll? nt msanthrope Feb 2014 #179

NOBODY has any idea, except the two people involved Scootaloo Feb 2014 #181

Getting a black list together? cui bono Feb 2014 #217

You going to read the judge's ruling? BainsBane Feb 2014 #229

No, I know that there's no point in discussing this with you as that's not what you want. cui bono Feb 2014 #247

I don't want you to discuss it with me. BainsBane Feb 2014 #248

Save your condescendingn attitude. cui bono Feb 2014 #249

Other: thank Elad for auto-trash by keyword. lumberjack_jeff Feb 2014 #236

It is not strictly ethical to change the title of your thread after so many participated. Gravitycollapse Feb 2014 #241

I won't be doing that BainsBane Feb 2014 #243

Then I would delete it or have it locked. Manipulating the title or contents might lead others... Gravitycollapse Feb 2014 #244

No surprise. This says a lot pintobean Feb 2014 #250

Another day devoted to spreading cheer BainsBane Feb 2014 #257

This thread won't die so I'm killing it BainsBane Feb 2014 #258