"All that was required of them was a primitive patriotism ..."

[reACTIONary]

46. My one experience in traffic court....

...is a bit of a story. I was what I would now consider to be a "kid". I was stopped on an elevated freeway for speeding and was issued a ticket. Since I had a lot more time than money, I figured I would show up in court, plead guilty and take the "safe driving" class as my punishment.

I showed up and I waited, and waited, and waited, while the judge went through case after case. All of them amateur, do-it-yourself lawyers who didn't know squat. They would piss and moan and make ridiculous excuses that basically amounted to admissions of guilt. Bang, Guilty! Bang, Guilty! one after another.

After a while of this, I was growing impatient, so I slipped over to a "court official" standing on the side lines and asked when my case would come up. I told him I just wanted to plead guilty and take the safe driver course. He got all excited and frustrated and pointed out that they had announced at the beginning that everyone who wanted to do that was to form a line outside to be processed. I should have been paying attention! I missed my chance! He told me that the judge would be royally pissed at me, and would through the book at me. "Boy are you in for it." He was what I would now consider a snotty kid.

Finally my case came up. I was quaking! The prosecutor read the charge from off the ticket, including the date, time and location. The location was a street address, probably the street under the elevated freeway. I interrupted. "Excuse me sir, the incident did not occur at that location. It occurred on the freeway." The judge picked up his gavel - BANG - "Case dismissed." There was silence in the court while that sunk in.

As I was walking out, the snotty kid scowled at me. Hey, kid, have a nice day!