I dare to write about: Men and Women Today

[BellaKos]

126. I will say this to you, seabeyond.

I don't believe that I ever addressed you personally about whether or not you are damaged by past experiences. I certainly didn't mean that. I am frankly surprised that you would assume that.
And speaking of the "loud voice of women," yours included, I hope that more women speak out about these issues, but I still maintain my position that women don't have to convey hostility towards men tp make their points -- even in the confines of internet chat. I believe that the problem today is that women are *too* accepting of gender oppression in many forms. Things have gone *backwards* as far as I'm concerned. Ya-ya rhetoric about the gains women have made contradicts the facts on the ground. And as long as women attack *each other* about their individual choices and opinions, nothing will change.

You said:
"i also have a father that was totally respectful to me all my life, and to this day, making it clear my worth in respect."
Well, my father was an alcoholic who died of liver failure and malnutrition. I have scars even now where he hit me in the head with a metal heel of a shoe for talking back to him. I have a "Christmas memory" of waking up where blood literally dripped down from the top of the wall the night he rammed a piece of broken glass into my mother's leg. Those are just some of the highlights. I was emotionally and physically abused. I have all the symptoms of having been sexually abused, but those memories are apparently blocked.

"i have a husband that is respectful and a good man."
My husband is a good man, too. The respect, however, had to be demanded from me.

I'm uncomfortable bringing up any of these details -- especially about my childhood. Those wounds have not healed completely. And by admitting that I have been damaged by all that, I can recognize areas where I can work on that healing.

So given what you know now, can you now see that any comment about women who have suffered abuse could not have possibly been derogatory and especially about you, personally? I am one of those women!

I can speak to the pain. The suffering. The anger that sits at the bottom of the soul. The festering, raw emotion that jumps out inappropriately. I can speak to that. Personally. I know all about. it. I can feel it even now. Plus, the sadness. The sadness that comes upon me in waves -- for no apparent reason. Week after week. Year after year. Year after year. Year after year. So doesn't it strike you that I would certainly have tremendous sympathy and compassion for anyone who has been abused or molested? I would never put such a person down. The pain of my own past is all too real. Even now.

And all of that is beside the effing point. It doesn't matter what my experience is or has been.

But I can still stand against people being personally attacked and maliciously accused. Can't I? I mean, can't I?

I can still point out that men are people, too.

I can still point out that women need a *new* voice. A voice that is not tinged with emotionalism and hostility, but instead one that asserts the necessary independence to design her own path -- without apology. You know, like men do.

Can't I feel free enough in casual, internet conversation to say what I think without the prospect of being willfully misunderstood? Or with the assumption that I'm being contentious? Without my opinions being dismissed out-of-hand?

Can't I? I mean, with your permission, can't I?

I really would prefer not speaking to you again -- other than to accept the apology that you owe me.