General Discussion

raven mad

(4,940 posts)

61. Family ("blood") doesn't necessarily mean caring for family.

Wed Feb 19, 2014, 03:58 AM

Feb 2014

I've seen it too much. Not so much in my own life, except in areas, but in many others.

Rejoice in your daughters, rejoice in your love for them; don't worry about those unfortunate enough to not care. Anyone can donate a gift at a baby shower, give a birthing gift - that doesn't involve caring, that involves "social niceties" (which, to me, are bullshit). Anyone can do that. Hell, Ted Bundy did that.

My heart hurts for your pain, but honestly I think you did the right thing. A sister is someone you can count on, someone who cares no matter what, and helps no matter what. I know. I have no birth sisters. I have a LOT of 'em who aren't blood, but are family!

I'm sending all the good karma my 60 years and 5 cats can muster just now - which is considerable, because you're in pain.

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I came to the realization that my sister doesn't like my children. [View all] SummerSnow Feb 2014 OP

This is sad Harmony Blue Feb 2014 #1

thank you for your kind words SummerSnow Feb 2014 #4

We still can have empathy for those Harmony Blue Feb 2014 #6

I had a grandmother like that a bit. Your children will remember you roguevalley Feb 2014 #54

Quite a bit of information left out. How have you confronted her about it over the years Pretzel_Warrior Feb 2014 #2

When I would mention things to her ...for example... SummerSnow Feb 2014 #8

well, you know the situation far better than any of us could Pretzel_Warrior Feb 2014 #11

also I mentioned stuff over the years in the letter and she text me that I'm entitled to my feelings SummerSnow Feb 2014 #10

Sounds like your sister doesn't have ... 1StrongBlackMan Feb 2014 #34

She sounds like a sociopath - no empathy, sympathy, etc. kysrsoze Feb 2014 #55

omg, my sister is very narcisstic and shes anti-social.oh yeah shes an asshole too... SummerSnow Feb 2014 #68

Your sister sounds like my brother Courtesy Flush Feb 2014 #70

It sounds like you guys don't get along Dorian Gray Feb 2014 #3

I always thought we got along. We use to laugh and talk all the time. When I saw what was going SummerSnow Feb 2014 #5

I'm very sorry Dorian Gray Feb 2014 #9

I tried through the years but she manipulated my concerns and made me think I didn't know SummerSnow Feb 2014 #12

That is awful. LittleBlue Feb 2014 #7

I am sorry about that, nadinbrzezinski Feb 2014 #13

Been there, done that YarnAddict Feb 2014 #14

Thank you for sharing . I thought about my decision and I realize that it was best for my SummerSnow Feb 2014 #16

That's exactly the way I felt. YarnAddict Feb 2014 #22

I feel your pain. My long-deceased father taught my older sister that it was OK to be mean to me. raccoon Feb 2014 #73

We may have been the victims, but YarnAddict Feb 2014 #75

Does your sister have children of her own? Tx4obama Feb 2014 #15

no children. But she broke up with her boyfriend cause he was a doting dad to SummerSnow Feb 2014 #21

Well that seems to be a huge part of your answer there. It's not just your kids, it's all kids. Tx4obama Feb 2014 #24

Some people need to be the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral. haele Feb 2014 #48

I think you nailed it. Complete self-absorption kysrsoze Feb 2014 #56

Love that phrase! And the rest, spot on too. bettyellen Feb 2014 #65

Sounds like narcissism to me. nt raccoon Feb 2014 #74

Out of curiosity, Jenoch Feb 2014 #17

never married, no children SummerSnow Feb 2014 #23

Yours is a sad story, Jenoch Feb 2014 #25

As someone wise once said...you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family... pkdu Feb 2014 #18

+1. Some families are made of blood and some are made of friendship. riderinthestorm Feb 2014 #20

You may have done the right thing for you, Curmudgeoness Feb 2014 #19

Some people, even close relatives, think they are above others. Lint Head Feb 2014 #26

Wow, I am so sorry. There is nothing... TeeYiYi Feb 2014 #27

That shocked me too.I can't imagine ever doing such a thing. Auntie Bush Feb 2014 #40

Did you get along as sisters before you had the children? nt Sarah Ibarruri Feb 2014 #28

yes, we were alright. She seemed to have behaved as if my children never existed. SummerSnow Feb 2014 #36

How strange, Summersnow. Sarah Ibarruri Feb 2014 #39

I won't begin to go into the stunts my sister pulled on me. She's a bagger now. Toxic. You did the freshwest Feb 2014 #29

Oh wow.. how Cha Feb 2014 #30

I am so very sorry SummerSnow. nt sheshe2 Feb 2014 #31

as an old song goes, "better off without you, better off without you, I'm better off without you in Douglas Carpenter Feb 2014 #32

On a related note, my two girls (17 and 22) indie9197 Feb 2014 #33

... handmade34 Feb 2014 #35

I'm sorry about your Mother Handmade. Auntie Bush Feb 2014 #44

I understand perfectly how you feel... virgdem Feb 2014 #37

''Everything in life, is a lesson.'' - K&R DeSwiss Feb 2014 #38

You have every right to cut off a toxic family member. You did right. kairos12 Feb 2014 #41

She Might Be a Psychopath BodieTown Feb 2014 #42

I think you mean sociopath. Xithras Feb 2014 #58

I Use the Words Interchangeably BodieTown Feb 2014 #67

The line is fine, and it doesn't really matter. Xithras Feb 2014 #69

As someone whose only sibling... 3catwoman3 Feb 2014 #43

My situation may be different from yours, but my brother's wife makes it nearly impossible Lex Feb 2014 #45

My sister does this sometimes. bravenak Feb 2014 #46

yes. set yourself free. Whisp Feb 2014 #47

Family relations can be painful at times. Rozlee Feb 2014 #49

My sister wrote me off 30 yrs ago. KentuckyWoman Feb 2014 #50

There are people in your life who love you and your children. proudretiredvet Feb 2014 #51

Good riddance. Deep13 Feb 2014 #52

I've got parents who don't seem very fond of my kids. Common Sense Party Feb 2014 #53

Very sorry about that. I just can't understand it. I don't think anyone can. kysrsoze Feb 2014 #57

Wow. Going through same situation this week Citizen Seattle Feb 2014 #59

You're not co-dependent or enabling. You understand societal norms and try to keep the peace kysrsoze Feb 2014 #60

Family ("blood") doesn't necessarily mean caring for family. raven mad Feb 2014 #61

Psychologist told me long ago..... Glitterati Feb 2014 #62

I've lived by a rule an older TBF Feb 2014 #63

Denial feeds on itself. The more they deny, the more they need to, and the more they need to KurtNYC Feb 2014 #64

Now that you know know, and have stopped making excuses for her bettyellen Feb 2014 #66

I don't call that a sister. 4_TN_TITANS Feb 2014 #71

You can pick your friends, but not your family Rider3 Feb 2014 #72

A better idea for a narcissist is to write the letter but not send it. Warpy Feb 2014 #76

My life is great. She has to deal with her own demons. SummerSnow Feb 2014 #79

I'm sorry for your sister - it's her loss Glorfindel Feb 2014 #77

I can't stand my 2 daughters in law riverwalker Feb 2014 #78