Not the Onion: Mormons Declare War on Masturbation

[warrprayer]

106. Jacking is a point of pride

in the military. I read "Black Hawk Down" several times and nearly spit out my anti-masturbation corn flakes reading about paratroopers boasting of running one off while descending by parachute, or in combat.

<snip>

"The past decade of combat operations in Iraq and Afghanistan has given military physicians such as myself the important opportunity to gather unprecedented data on some of our most pressing medical issues. This data set has spurred advances in the care of trauma, hemorrhagic shock, traumatic brain injury, and other occupational injuries common to young men and women in combat. Our job, and indeed our temperament, is to make observations, gather data, test hypotheses, and solve problems all day long—all while in the middle of a combat zone.

Which brings me to one of the most common medical inquiries I receive in combat: "How the hell am I supposed to jack off up in this motherfucker?"

I present to you a series of real-life scenarios that Marines and sailors in my infantry battalion have faced over the past several years, as well as the field-tested solutions they devised to handle each one. None of what follows is hypothetical. All have been successfully completed, and I have even witnessed a few of the outcomes. Following each solution, I present a rub (or friction point) that I hope you might avoid as you negotiate your own obstacles."

<snip.

http://deadspin.com/5984350/the-coming-war-a-military-doctors-field-guide-to-masturbating-in-afghanistan