I've found I'm developing a particular type of physical depression the older I get - the realization that I'm not immortal, and the fact the more I try to get to the "finish line", the ability to retire in dignity and to be able to take care of myself and the hostages to fate I call my loved ones, the harder it is to keep getting out of bed each morning.
I've got a pile of "must do's" in life that are greater than they were twenty years ago, and I have very few resources left. I keep thinking I have the stamina and drive I did back then, when it was easy. Now it's hard and getting harder.
There's still hope, still some brightness to life, but the future is not clear.
Frankly,it's starting to seem like the future going to get much worse before society in general gets it collective head out of it's collective asses, and the increasingly few privileged "leaders" stop throwing their massive temper-tantrum before it starts getting better - and not all of us are warriors.
Thanks a bunch Walton Family, Brothers Koch, and all you other narcissistic fellow travelers, insecure power-brokers, and sycophants! The figurative "room" still needs to be cleaned up, and should have been before you assholes decided to take just take the all resources available that everyone was supposed to share, and buy your toys. I'm sure all those toys will be of great help when you can't get out as the house burns down around you.
Sigh - Add a hard winter, a chronic health condition, and a few emotional body blows, and it might just be easier to let whatever take one off that wheel that is going faster and faster the older one gets. Not everyone is a warrior, and even the strong can't continue to fight when their body starts to betray them.
Haele
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