General Discussion

Bettie

(19,734 posts)

14. I have three boys and both my husband and I have worked hard to overcome the stereotype of what

Fri Mar 7, 2014, 05:38 PM

Mar 2014

Society expects of them.

It has led to my three boys being very empathetic and kind.

It has also led to my boys being bullied for being 'less than manly' because they aren't afraid to cry and they aren't terribly interested in sports or more traditional 'male' tasks.

Neither DH nor I has ever said "Be a man" to them.

When one of their uncles did, my oldest said "But, Uncle X, I'm a boy, I won't be a man for a while yet".

I thought it was a good response.

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The 3 Most Damaging Words You Can Tell Your Son [View all] fried eggs Mar 2014 OP

"Be cool and be kind of a dick", made me laugh, but I have seen too many men deny pain siligut Mar 2014 #1

Like my husband. He absolutely refused to go to the doctor Cleita Mar 2014 #2

Yes, I know, and what can you do? siligut Mar 2014 #5

It's a reverse sexism. Little boys are taught not to cry or admit to pain, or other Cleita Mar 2014 #7

Heh. I guess I missed THAT memo, like the times I needed a root canal. Warren DeMontague Mar 2014 #8

Hm! sibelian Mar 2014 #40

It's really bad. Warren DeMontague Mar 2014 #44

Best stick with the most important 10 words dipsydoodle Mar 2014 #3

Seriously great words to live by RVN VET Mar 2014 #31

"be a man" is my guess. And as I scrolled down to post I saw the answer at the bottom of the OP. cui bono Mar 2014 #4

The most hurtful thing I ever heard was said to me by my mother when she was mad at my father once Fumesucker Mar 2014 #6

Thankfully, I can't remember anyone ever saying that to me. progressoid Mar 2014 #9

YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! I have seen this since I was little! It's the WORST thing for society! EVERYONE DesertDiamond Mar 2014 #10

.... yeah.... sibelian Mar 2014 #41

I hate you? Rex Mar 2014 #11

But "be a man" can also mean "take responsibility" Thats what my mom used to say 7962 Mar 2014 #12

Instead of saying be a man.... AnneD Mar 2014 #21

But that also leads to the idea that women can't take responsibiilty mythology Mar 2014 #43

Only if men and women are somehow opposites. sibelian Mar 2014 #49

how often do you hear anyone say to a little girl.... be a woman. a child is just that. seabeyond Mar 2014 #61

Walk it off Pretzel_Warrior Mar 2014 #13

"Spit on it and take a lap" was what I heard as a HS wrestler and basketball player. 11 Bravo Mar 2014 #16

Rub dirt on it. kairos12 Mar 2014 #23

Run to into the arms of the nearest bro sibelian Mar 2014 #51

+1 lumberjack_jeff Mar 2014 #69

I have three boys and both my husband and I have worked hard to overcome the stereotype of what Bettie Mar 2014 #14

I understand. We are going through this with our almost 5-year old son tandot Mar 2014 #55

We're older parents too Bettie Mar 2014 #59

Sorry for responding so late, Bettie tandot Mar 2014 #73

Sorry about the tummy bugs Bettie Mar 2014 #74

I disagree. My wife and I are teaching two amazing sons to "Be a man". What we aren't teaching ... 11 Bravo Mar 2014 #15

Pretty much what I taught my sons. HappyMe Mar 2014 #17

Interesting point fried eggs Mar 2014 #18

Yeah, I've never said those words to my son Aldo Leopold Mar 2014 #19

IMHO, if you properly define what a "man" is... Wounded Bear Mar 2014 #20

I have a problem with this HappyMe Mar 2014 #26

But I would argue... Wounded Bear Mar 2014 #27

I agree with you in regards HappyMe Mar 2014 #28

Maybe that dark hole needs illumination. n/t lumberjack_jeff Mar 2014 #70

Heh. I got the "...be a man" lecture from an old-school teacher in 8th grade. hunter Mar 2014 #22

I see nothing destructive about telling a kid to be a man tularetom Mar 2014 #24

"I'd never forgive you if...." A HERETIC I AM Mar 2014 #25

Somewhere on youtube there's video taken by Dylan Klebold... Smarmie Doofus Mar 2014 #29

We taught and are teaching Sissyk Mar 2014 #30

Be a man could mean different things to people upaloopa Mar 2014 #32

Most of my friends have been women and they rarely thump their chests. Spitfire of ATJ Mar 2014 #33

I lost my son when he was 14; but he was well on his way toward becoming a terrific man. IrishAyes Mar 2014 #34

"You little shit" Flying Squirrel Mar 2014 #35

This again. sibelian Mar 2014 #36

They don't matter... Lost_Count Mar 2014 #37

Depends on what your definition of a "man" is. flvegan Mar 2014 #38

He *will* be a man eventually. It is a worthy goal. lumberjack_jeff Mar 2014 #39

Consider how many supposedly enlightened men on DU say... Bonobo Mar 2014 #42

good point. My son is 15 now. He is just now getting interested in things that some would call liberal_at_heart Mar 2014 #45

Curiosity tends to work differently in boys and girls. lumberjack_jeff Mar 2014 #68

Parents say malicious evil shit to their kids every day. This doesn't even rate... Demo_Chris Mar 2014 #46

My Mum made a point of telling my sister she wasn't an expected baby. sibelian Mar 2014 #47

What a peach. nt Demo_Chris Mar 2014 #64

It's as obnoxious to me as telling a woman to "act like a lady.". Inkfreak Mar 2014 #48

I don't see how sibelian Mar 2014 #50

Well, "be a man" means other things too fishwax Mar 2014 #52

Hm. sibelian Mar 2014 #53

Yes, there are some contexts in which "stop complaining" is fine fishwax Mar 2014 #54

Yes they are. Inkfreak Mar 2014 #62

I am a flamboyant gay man. sibelian Mar 2014 #71

Nonsense JJChambers Mar 2014 #56

And some use "be a man" to pressure others Inkfreak Mar 2014 #65

Sure it can JJChambers Mar 2014 #67

I assure you - there are much worse 3 words. aikoaiko Mar 2014 #57

"Congratulations, you're married" ? The Straight Story Mar 2014 #58

Fur words but waht comes to mind is whistler162 Mar 2014 #60

There are plenty of bad examples of "Be a man". L0oniX Mar 2014 #63

Yes indeed! (nt) Inkfreak Mar 2014 #66

oh FFS... dionysus Mar 2014 #72