Adam Lanza’s Father, in First Public Comments, Says ‘You Can’t Get Any More Evil’

[Ms. Toad]

204. He is still alive.

He came within 36 hours of execution. We had made arrangements for his body to be retrieved, he had been moved to the death-watch row (were they hold prisoners so they don't commit suicide and deprive the state of the ability to execute them), and had written a combined note to friends who had supported us during the ~20 years on death row and press release.

I was on the way to the airport to pick up my spouse when he was granted a stay. (I had flown out earlier for the parole hearing and to support my parents.)

The appeals had been exhausted, and the state picked it up sua sponte (on its own) and determined there was a constitutional flaw in the original trial. Although the prosecution considered (for around a year) putting on another trial, they ultimately commuted the sentence to life with no possibility of parole. I think the fact that all of the family members of one victim, and the husband and daughter of the other, had been very publicly and actively working against the execution tipped the balance in favor of the commutation.

And - the husband of the woman my family didn't know got to meet my brother right after the execution was called off. The husband asked for it, and my brother would have preferred not to (out of guilt and shame), but felt he owed that much to him. None of us were present, but it was - by the husband's account - both remarkable and terribly ordinary. He found my brother someone he would have enjoyed spending time with, under any other circumstances.

I live 1000 miles from my brother at this point, and my parents no longer live in the state. I will likely see him this summer, but since I don't have other reasons to go back home, any more, I don't see him very often. But - other things people don't think of - my daughter visited her uncle in prison about once a year from a very young age - and was stripped (as an infant) and patted down at every visit since then. I understand it - but being suspected every time I visit of using my daughter to smuggle in contraband - is an experience I never expected to have. She was aware that her uncle was about to be executed - but my brother and his wife made a different decision for their same age children about what to tell them - they would be led to believe that their uncle got sick and died until they were older. That made it challenging for my daughter because we chose not to lie to her, but she had to lie to her cousins (or at least was unable to talk to them about it).

But yes. Mostly people don't think about the fact that even people who do great evil have family members who love them - or that those family members might be good decent people who are grieving for both their own child and the families of the victims.

If you haven't found it, I've posted a blog I wrote on that topic right after Sandy Hook.