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In reply to the discussion: Americans are the loneliest, most isolated people [View all]Lydia Leftcoast
(48,217 posts)39. This article is from 2001, but it still rings true
...What is your life these days? Do you wake up in the dark bedroom of your suburban house, dress hurriedly, stumble into the attached garage, strap yourself in the car even before you open the garage door with your remote, and roll out onto the streets alone in your glass-and-steel coffin, headed numbly to your underground parking structure and your cubicle? Maybe you'll drop your kids off at school on the way (your kids who do not know who lives around the corner); maybe you'll pick up breakfast at Jack-in-the-Box on the way to work (giving your order to an electronic grill, inching your car ahead till a plastic-coated hand reaches toward your window with the "food" ; maybe you'll watch TV tonight, because it's all you've ever done every night since you started working. Maybe that's your life these days. If you're in America, it probably is. You live alone with your family, and all the burdens of your humanity fall on the three or four of you alone.
(snip)
For seventy years or more the vast right-wing conspiracy has been telling us that we can be happy only in a little separate house surrounded by a moat of grass in a quiet suburb where everyone minds their own business. For seventy years or more they have been telling us that true freedom means driving everywhere alone in a car, that true security means sweating ever longer hours in a little gray cubicle at work, that true fulfillment comes from buying ever bigger television sets and watching ever simpler shows and ever-more-complicated commercials. For seventy years or more they've been telling us that the touch of a stranger brings a shame worse than death, and that the pinnacle of creation is four nervous people fighting over which meaningless TV show to watch on Friday night.
http://www.newcolonist.com/rr11.html
I lived in Japan back in the 1970s, and I was struck by how each neighborhood of the vast megalopolis of Tokyo was a village (and probably was an actual village in pre-modern times) with its own self-contained businesses and neighborhood events. It may have been different for the men, but for the women of the neighborhood, every day brought interactions in the local shops, and the children all attended neighborhood schools that they could walk to. Eventually, if you become a regular customer, you get special favors and introductions to the other regular customers, which in turn led to dinner invitations and people asking if it was all right for them to visit me. (It helped that I could already speak some Japanese, but I have observed the same thing in other foreign societies.)
There's an episode of The Sopranos in which "the boys" visit their counterparts in Italy. As they leave to go home, they pass through a bustling neighborhood where the streets are full of pedestrians and children playing and neighbors shouting across the way. In the next scene, they're driving home from the Newark Airport and looking vaguely disturbed at the bleak suburban landscape.
(snip)
For seventy years or more the vast right-wing conspiracy has been telling us that we can be happy only in a little separate house surrounded by a moat of grass in a quiet suburb where everyone minds their own business. For seventy years or more they have been telling us that true freedom means driving everywhere alone in a car, that true security means sweating ever longer hours in a little gray cubicle at work, that true fulfillment comes from buying ever bigger television sets and watching ever simpler shows and ever-more-complicated commercials. For seventy years or more they've been telling us that the touch of a stranger brings a shame worse than death, and that the pinnacle of creation is four nervous people fighting over which meaningless TV show to watch on Friday night.
http://www.newcolonist.com/rr11.html
I lived in Japan back in the 1970s, and I was struck by how each neighborhood of the vast megalopolis of Tokyo was a village (and probably was an actual village in pre-modern times) with its own self-contained businesses and neighborhood events. It may have been different for the men, but for the women of the neighborhood, every day brought interactions in the local shops, and the children all attended neighborhood schools that they could walk to. Eventually, if you become a regular customer, you get special favors and introductions to the other regular customers, which in turn led to dinner invitations and people asking if it was all right for them to visit me. (It helped that I could already speak some Japanese, but I have observed the same thing in other foreign societies.)
There's an episode of The Sopranos in which "the boys" visit their counterparts in Italy. As they leave to go home, they pass through a bustling neighborhood where the streets are full of pedestrians and children playing and neighbors shouting across the way. In the next scene, they're driving home from the Newark Airport and looking vaguely disturbed at the bleak suburban landscape.
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How so? Would traveling outside of the country help us change the isolation lifestyle? nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#2
Canada's entire population doesn't even reach California's 38 million.
SleeplessinSoCal
Mar 2014
#142
If you live in Germany, you immediately notice that the system is completely different.
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#12
Even here on DU, when we hear someone is broke or in need of money, we basically say...
randome
Mar 2014
#17
welcome to du--quite an alphabet soup you have!! I think the closest thing we have to what
niyad
Mar 2014
#213
Yes, thousands of influences, the country's ideology, its laws, who has the most power, etc. nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#42
My grandpa was born in northern Spain, where villages were isolated from other villages
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#117
I think this is the core difference. Having worked in Europe, one is certainly exposed to
RKP5637
Mar 2014
#86
Mobile devices have usurped the television for pushing advertising. People are glued to their
japple
Mar 2014
#146
I've noticed this too. The less and less one does something, the less the habit of it...
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#226
Yup there are superficial & sporadic contacts, but few "for-life, give-your-all" friendships, family
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#8
Did I say churches should be prohibited? I merely said they've turned right wing and quite fascist
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#133
Big difference in friendliness between US & Germany/Ireland/Scotland/England/France
Divernan
Mar 2014
#88
Yes, I went by myself to a concert at Edvard Grieg's home in Bergen, Norway
Lydia Leftcoast
Mar 2014
#108
Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss! Enemies all around us, you have only yourself to handle it, you
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#11
While the article contains many valid points, I think it's important to remember that
Sheldon Cooper
Mar 2014
#16
Yep. People have "alone time" all over the world. But isolation (what we have here) is not
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#24
Perhaps only someone who has lived elsewhere would notice the isolation in the U.S.
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#45
The Japanese are known for their "introversion" yet have very close friends and family, neighbors
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#52
There have always been isolated people, just as there has always been cancer.
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#164
The greater the influence of capitalism, the less reverence for the elderly. I'd hate to think they
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#171
Unrelated, but here's a very brief explanation of differences between American and Japanese
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#179
I'd seen a hugely long documentary on the respect required for communicating in Japan
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#191
My brother, who now lives in Spain (but was raised here), traveled to Japan for business
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#202
I agree. Too much discourse and "conventional wisdom" is framed by extroverts
Populist_Prole
Mar 2014
#112
I spent seven years in a town that is widely deemed "a good place to raise kids"
Lydia Leftcoast
Mar 2014
#109
Yes, in this case we've substituted capitalism for family, neighbors, of-the-heart friendships, etc.
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#61
Well, in much of Europe (where there are better govt social support systems), people also have
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#54
"However, it makes a workforce of individuals that can be treated like widgets"
woo me with science
Mar 2014
#198
Live alone yet don't feel lonely or isolated. Since I stopped driving, though, feel more connected.
pinto
Mar 2014
#37
Many Americans are descended from immigrants who came by themselves or with 1 or 2 others
FarCenter
Mar 2014
#43
If that's true, why is "solitary" a punishment in jail? Why is it that putting people by themselves
jtuck004
Mar 2014
#58
It depends. If they are introverts because they are happy with the solitude, proud of
jtuck004
Mar 2014
#156
I agree with you. I've noticed that a few here have said they prefer to be alone, despite the fact
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#205
The article merely discusses the person found dead to make the point of the rest of the
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#225
But it was a mission, which is a temporary period of time, and they went elsewhere to do this
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#212
Socialization in places where people are close, tight and warm, is not forced.
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#59
I wasn't born here, so I'm commenting on what I noticed and added this article. nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#70
you are a skilled straw-man fabricator. that's a compliment. high paying job in today's world. ;^p
Adam051188
Mar 2014
#113
Very interesting observation. Do you think it's because of the physical separation of homes?
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#67
You grew up in a real neighborhood. What a pleasure. Kids nowadays don't go play outside. nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#75
LOL! I also grew up "outside." We went inside to eat, shower, sleep, do homework or if we were in
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#83
Good point (about TV). I wonder why we Americans were so willing to isolate ourselves for it?
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#68
I think you're right. Work here in the U.S. is a hostile environment that leads to exhaustion and
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#129
My son's experience living for a year in 2 very remote, tiny Indonesian villages.
Divernan
Mar 2014
#73
Not surprised at all, Americans are bred to be competitive and combative, it's what
RKP5637
Mar 2014
#78
I agree they're raised that way. I'd be interested in hearing more of your thoughts on this.
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#79
No, just my ramblings on DU. Part of my background is in the social sciences and out of
RKP5637
Mar 2014
#107
Ok. I also find that in other countries there are introverts (for ex., the Japanese) but they have
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#110
This might not be the best word, but I've heard some describe American behavior as
RKP5637
Mar 2014
#124
What worries me is that Americans might not even have real cliques? Just the illusions of cliques?
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#127
And especially in older age. There are IMO doubtless millions of heartbreaking stories that
RKP5637
Mar 2014
#135
Agree--competition is definitely rewarded & sociopaths take full advantage
marions ghost
Mar 2014
#94
"But often in the past I found myself investing in friends that were really just competitors."
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#136
I think MSM fear mongering has played a role in people isolating themselves.
notadmblnd
Mar 2014
#82
That's such a good point. I hadn't thought of how the MSM instills fear which leads to further
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#84
Do you think the more successful a country is, the more broken down its social ties?
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#111
Absolutely. If we all got together, we could write the definitive book on why our society is broken
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#222
I have no confidante. I write in my journal about hopes, fears, dreams.
riderinthestorm
Mar 2014
#161
Yup, when we die, only we die for ourselves. However, having a confidant used to be a vital part
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#163
I can enjoy solitude for days at a time, but eventually it depresses me
Lydia Leftcoast
Mar 2014
#122
What I mean - in the countries I lived in, even introverts had tight relationships with family
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#104
Thank you for taking the time to type this out. I feel exactly the same way.
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#220
Oddly, the article you link is about Facebook and loneliness and does not cite
Bluenorthwest
Mar 2014
#105
It includes Facebook in the article and title, but isn't exclusively an analysis of Facebook
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#106
No, the title is 'Is Facebook Making Us Lonley'. No nation is compared to another
Bluenorthwest
Mar 2014
#116
Did you read only the title? Or did you read the entire article's assertion as to isolation in the
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#118
Within all societies are extroverts, introverts, loneliness and happiness, but all societies are
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#140
Only about that? How about feeling guilty about not having read the article? :) nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#123
Yes, and on the other hand, they think if they say "hi" to someone daily, that's a true friend,
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#130
I'm so sorry. Maybe it helps to hear that this is a nationwide problem nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#178
When you are an introvert in a society that expects you to be an extrovert, it's tough.
alarimer
Mar 2014
#149
There's a difference between introversion and social isolation. Look at the Japanese...
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#162
Well, maybe it's the system of life here that you detest, and the way people are affected nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#190
I agree. The greater the insecurity, the higher the isolation. And may I add:
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#160
Oh, I know it sounds sad so let me explain (of course, you may still be sad for me :)
WhaTHellsgoingonhere
Mar 2014
#188
Another thing: being an outlier (GLBT for example) is impossible in many "close" communities
riderinthestorm
Mar 2014
#180
Yes, but I've heard that being an outlier can create a closely-knit group?
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#181
That's exactly the #1 thing the corporatists don't want us to do - organize nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#192
The outsourcing of manufacturing has contributed greatly to this isolation.
Enthusiast
Mar 2014
#196
Thanks for the awesome post. Job loss does destroy extended families, friends, neighborhoods,
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#201
Yes. I think too many of us became like cattle, just moving forward on to the slaughter -
Sarah Ibarruri
Mar 2014
#210