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MADem

(135,425 posts)

47. I agree with you--some people are just NOT CUT OUT to be parents.

Tue Mar 18, 2014, 08:48 AM

Mar 2014

They're mean, they're nasty, they have no patience or interest--and they are smart enough to know it.

It's not always the "poor woman" with no resources who gives up a child. Sometimes, some people just Don't. Want. Kids.

It's not personal, either. In that kind of situation, it's far better to give over a child to a family that will put their needs first, rather than hang on to a biological relative out of some warped sense of "duty." I have a great deal of admiration for a biological parent who knows their own limits and puts the child's future/well-being ahead of some idiotic societal pressure to be forced into a role they don't want to play.

There isn't much that is worse than being "tolerated" (in the most negative sense of the term). A child is lucky to be given a chance to avoid that kind of souless, spartan upbringing.

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Another adoptee commits suicide: Fashion designer L'Wren Scott,girlfriend of Mick Jagger, found dea [View all] me b zola Mar 2014 OP

Charlotte Dawson~also an adoptee~ Australia�s Next Top Model Judge Dead me b zola Mar 2014 #1

Her depression also is reportedly linked to an abortion marshall Mar 2014 #197

and you assume the abortion causes the suicide attempts? That's some brilliant RW reasoning! bettyellen Mar 2014 #235

That's why I qualified my statement with "reportedly" marshall Mar 2014 #245

Claudia and I were H.S. classmates. Same H.S., same year. The year after Stephen Baldwin. stevenleser Mar 2014 #2

I haven't met Claudia yet (just missed her in Atlanta last summer) me b zola Mar 2014 #3

She was one of the few already politically active folks in high school. I was interested, but not stevenleser Mar 2014 #4

Claudia's blog is great. Other good ones are StevieM Mar 2014 #7

No, I don't post there, but I do love to read First Mothers Forum me b zola Mar 2014 #82

Obama and Clinton are two happy and successful adoptees marshall Mar 2014 #5

The speckled goat ate oatmeal me b zola Mar 2014 #6

They are in a completely different position because they never lost their mothers. pnwmom Mar 2014 #10

I am an adoptee. So was my brother. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #15

What was so offensive? Not everyone is as lucky as you. pnwmom Mar 2014 #20

What's the difference between being loved by a biological parent or an adopted one? blueamy66 Mar 2014 #23

"Please don't talk to her about being adopted, EVER." That's pretty terrible advice. n/t pnwmom Mar 2014 #27

No, it's good advice. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #32

Well, for one thing, she's in an open adoption. There's no way to hide that from her. pnwmom Mar 2014 #40

How old are you? me b zola Mar 2014 #84

47 blueamy66 Mar 2014 #85

50 me b zola Mar 2014 #90

See, I had a Mother. There was only ONE. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #93

Did you feel better after you reunited with her? pnwmom Mar 2014 #175

Are you that mean-girl that my amom sent me to summer with in Newport Beach? me b zola Mar 2014 #83

what's an amom? blueamy66 Mar 2014 #86

I am adopted and have great parents, but the person you are beating up adigal Mar 2014 #212

I am beating someone up? I wasn't the one who posted about a 50 year old adoptee.... blueamy66 Mar 2014 #213

Again, you protest way too much for someone who is totally OK adigal Mar 2014 #217

How can one protest too much? blueamy66 Mar 2014 #222

That is a fair Dorian Gray Mar 2014 #225

Most children Dorian Gray Mar 2014 #173

You don't think it represents a significant loss in the child's life? n/t pnwmom Mar 2014 #174

A significant loss? Dorian Gray Mar 2014 #178

I would never say your experiences or families are false. pnwmom Mar 2014 #181

Good. Dorian Gray Mar 2014 #182

If you constantly harp around your grand-daughter about adoptees Nuclear Unicorn Mar 2014 #206

Don't worry. I'm sure I'll treat her with far more sensitivity than you ever would. n/t pnwmom Mar 2014 #207

This message was self-deleted by its author blueamy66 Mar 2014 #200

The woman had a six million euro debt and business problems. MADem Mar 2014 #39

Your analysis is way off base Orrex Mar 2014 #44

Yeah....that's the ticket....! nt MADem Mar 2014 #48

OTOH... pipi_k Mar 2014 #67

Oh, sure. NOW you tell me. Orrex Mar 2014 #68

Sorry... pipi_k Mar 2014 #81

You don't understand statistics? me b zola Mar 2014 #91

You don't, apparently. Let's break down your nasty little over-simplification, shall we? MADem Mar 2014 #101

and she had trouble with Mick, with whom she shared a half dozen residences and helped her bankroll bettyellen Mar 2014 #95

She didn't have the name recognition or customer base ... MADem Mar 2014 #100

Sadly she was well known as Mick's gal, and that undoubtably gave her an entree and some sales from bettyellen Mar 2014 #110

Don't forget RL's JustAnotherGen Mar 2014 #141

I think she never had the name recogniition or hip factor. She may have never been interested in it. bettyellen Mar 2014 #163

I loved you before JustAnotherGen Mar 2014 #179

Aww thanks- back at you Gen! I was working from home when I saw the sad news and immediately bettyellen Mar 2014 #208

it's too bad she was embarrassed to accept financial help. magical thyme Mar 2014 #146

I think people tend to project their own experiences onto situations like this... marshall Mar 2014 #76

Don't assume that you know how any adoptee feels me b zola Mar 2014 #87

Then why did you write an OP, assuming how an adoptee feels? nt msanthrope Mar 2014 #130

Exactly where did I write such an OP? me b zola Mar 2014 #138

Don't back down now! It would be bad form. nt msanthrope Mar 2014 #150

+1,000...it's thick and deep, too... nt MADem Mar 2014 #165

Clinton and Obama were not ripped from the breast of their mothers when they StevieM Mar 2014 #11

So, I was 'RIPPED' from my mother's breast???? blueamy66 Mar 2014 #17

Why are you responding defensively? If your situation was better than it is for many, pnwmom Mar 2014 #21

Again, please refrain from speaking to your granddaughter. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #25

I honestly don't think that's pipi_k Mar 2014 #74

I didn't mean for her to not speak to her at all about the child's adoption. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #79

I wish I had her in my life while I was growing up me b zola Mar 2014 #92

Shame on me for what? blueamy66 Mar 2014 #94

You don't find what was written to be offensive? blueamy66 Mar 2014 #26

No one said you were ripped from your mother's breast. Why are you taking this so personally? pnwmom Mar 2014 #31

Um, read StevieM's post.... blueamy66 Mar 2014 #34

StevieM was making the point that adoptees who lost both parents are worse off pnwmom Mar 2014 #38

You need to re-read what I wrote. I didn't say that your mother "happily moved on with her life." StevieM Mar 2014 #135

I was never told this. Moved on? blueamy66 Mar 2014 #145

How do you know, since you seem to not have found your birth mother? adigal Mar 2014 #215

Who gives a shit? blueamy66 Mar 2014 #234

News flash...it's not "your" cause adigal Mar 2014 #244

Yeah, there is something seriously wrong with you. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #246

Get over what? Ok, no more discussion. You are being irrational. Nt adigal Mar 2014 #248

The thing that is wrong is you. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #251

Not one person told you to care about this adigal Mar 2014 #250

Who cares? blueamy66 Mar 2014 #247

Thre is a difference between acknowledging the real losses Ms. Toad Mar 2014 #53

Thank you Ms. Toad. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #57

+1,000--and ascribing every adoptee's death, even if that adoptee is a half century old, to some MADem Mar 2014 #58

and another angel823 Mar 2014 #70

That's absolutely true. But I'm not sure the poster who said that was describing pnwmom Mar 2014 #80

I am not demonizing the mother. I am doing the exact opposite. I am saying that StevieM Mar 2014 #155

You are demonizing those mothers who truly DID want to give up their children, Ms. Toad Mar 2014 #187

I used that phrase in the exact opposite way then how you are attributing it to me. StevieM Mar 2014 #189

Putting quotes around choosing Ms. Toad Mar 2014 #191

A pregnant woman is not a birth mother--she is an expectant mother StevieM Mar 2014 #193

You continue to act as if the scenario you are describing is the only adoption scenario Ms. Toad Mar 2014 #194

What I want is to make certain that women who sign relinquishment papers are truly doing so StevieM Mar 2014 #195

Fine - but stop pushing your agenda by implying that women who tell you the choice was theirs Ms. Toad Mar 2014 #199

The system wasn't a disgrace back when I was adopted. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #201

I am glad to hear that this is your issue with me--because it is easily resolved. StevieM Mar 2014 #229

No thanks. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #230

As an adult Dorian Gray Mar 2014 #227

I don't get the OP's agenda... blueamy66 Mar 2014 #231

Are you against adoption? Dorian Gray Mar 2014 #176

Absolutely not. pnwmom Mar 2014 #177

That is fair Dorian Gray Mar 2014 #180

You mis-read part of what I wrote. StevieM Mar 2014 #132

Okay. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #134

I don't question your love for your family, or that the love you feel is positive and healthy StevieM Mar 2014 #140

You got me at the wrong time. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #144

OK, then don't. But just know that if you were born in 1966 then that was StevieM Mar 2014 #158

Chances are that I don't give a shit. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #161

Methinks you protest WAY too much adigal Mar 2014 #216

Seriously? Dorian Gray Mar 2014 #228

Really? Pissed off so much... blueamy66 Mar 2014 #242

No one asked for your help...you are making stuff up adigal Mar 2014 #243

Because "Jack and Diane" are the archetypical parents who have a child "ripped from the breast" Sen. Walter Sobchak Mar 2014 #137

How lovely of their mother to call their natural mothers "trash." StevieM Mar 2014 #142

I believe her exact words were to the effect of "not naive unwed teenagers" Sen. Walter Sobchak Mar 2014 #157

Where did you find that this was L'Wren Scott's experience? marshall Mar 2014 #164

Adopted and growing up with a step-parent malaise Mar 2014 #169

I don't think that is the kind of adoption the OP is referring to. n/t Crunchy Frog Mar 2014 #198

Thanks for another informative post. n/t pnwmom Mar 2014 #8

And they are SEVEN times more likely to lose a child to adoption themselves (eom) StevieM Mar 2014 #9

Interesting. Ms. Toad Mar 2014 #33

Please define the word "loose" in your post. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #36

It was a misplaced homonym. I meant to write "lose." (eom) StevieM Mar 2014 #133

"Lose" is not really a fair word treestar Mar 2014 #148

Often times, there isn't. Coercion and duress are rampant in the adoption industry. StevieM Mar 2014 #153

Since the assertion in the OP was not true, we'll need to see some cites, now. MADem Mar 2014 #167

Was she a banker? functioning_cog Mar 2014 #12

Am I the only person that thinks Aerows Mar 2014 #13

No You're Not vankuria Mar 2014 #14

I agree with you Bettie Mar 2014 #16

OMG, its not about the adoptive parents me b zola Mar 2014 #98

Perhaps if we'd quit labeling PARENTS as ADOPTIVE, there won't be as many issues. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #102

Exactly, why can't parents be parents Bettie Mar 2014 #105

Exactly. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #106

Frankly, my life would have been better Bettie Mar 2014 #108

For the last time--I said the exact opposite of what you keep attributing to me StevieM Mar 2014 #192

You are really reaching now... blueamy66 Mar 2014 #209

Except you automatically put them into the 'causing the problem' status Bettie Mar 2014 #104

No, what you wrote is what you read into my post(s) me b zola Mar 2014 #121

What the hell is a firstmother? blueamy66 Mar 2014 #126

A first mother refers to a natural or biological mother, or what many call a "birth" mother (eom) StevieM Mar 2014 #196

Many? blueamy66 Mar 2014 #202

"Myth of Happy Adoptionland" Bettie Mar 2014 #136

Your post reveals that you are committed to misrepresenting my post me b zola Mar 2014 #156

You are misrepresenting the study you referenced Bettie Mar 2014 #160

He's refusing to address that GLARING fact. The entire OP is built on a false assertion. nt MADem Mar 2014 #168

And yet, we're 'mean' for daring to question his great "wisdom" Bettie Mar 2014 #172

It's all about "catapulting a propaganda" as Porgie would say and it's disruptive and unhelpful. MADem Mar 2014 #185

The misrepresentation of the report is indeed the worst fault Bettie Mar 2014 #190

The original post and many of the replies are awful. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #18

The DUer who wrote the OP is adopted. Not every adoptee is as happy as you are. pnwmom Mar 2014 #22

If we're throwing "maybes" out there..... blueamy66 Mar 2014 #30

How do you know her parents made a big deal about her being adopted? pnwmom Mar 2014 #118

She obviously has an agenda. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #125

Yes, I have an agenda me b zola Mar 2014 #128

Again, what the hell is a "first" mother? blueamy66 Mar 2014 #129

To me, a "first" mother is the one who is there first thing in the morning and last thing at night. MADem Mar 2014 #166

Thank you for this. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #210

That doesn't give the OP the right to shop falsehoods and play games with statistics. MADem Mar 2014 #103

That is a valid criticism,and I'm glad to hear that information. pnwmom Mar 2014 #119

You are not an ADOPTIVE Grandmother. You are a Grandmother!!!!! blueamy66 Mar 2014 #127

Don't worry. I am her grandmother -- period. I only used the term here for the sake of context, pnwmom Mar 2014 #149

Good. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #151

Thank you, blueamy66. pnwmom Mar 2014 #152

Sorry to be a bitch.... blueamy66 Mar 2014 #154

We all have those times, as you have reminded me, pnwmom Mar 2014 #159

In fairness, I find the OP does not give the same latitude to others.... ProudToBeBlueInRhody Mar 2014 #123

That's exactly the problem Dorian Gray Mar 2014 #183

Yup. Ms. Toad Mar 2014 #188

i'm with you. as an adoptee i find these posts highly offensive. let alone ignorant. nt xchrom Mar 2014 #29

I agree with you - the op was almost trollish reformist2 Mar 2014 #35

The accompanying photo IS trollish, IMO. MADem Mar 2014 #56

I agree. Bluenorthwest Mar 2014 #60

How the Christian right perverts adoption me b zola Mar 2014 #147

You should be ashamed of yourself. It's not your damn business why a person chooses a path they MADem Mar 2014 #162

And this is why I am so pissed off. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #236

It most certainly is our business why a person "chooses" a certain path if they were coerced StevieM Mar 2014 #237

It's not up to YOU to make that suggestion, and that is what the OP is doing. MADem Mar 2014 #238

If a woman is taking painkillers, then that dramatically reduces her ability to resist duress. StevieM Mar 2014 #239

No it doesn't. Not if the dose is appropriate to her pain level. MADem Mar 2014 #240

How about waiting until they are no longer in pain OR taking medication StevieM Mar 2014 #241

No. No you are not. But some people will use the death of anyone who suits their agenda. nt msanthrope Mar 2014 #37

It sucks because it's bullshit. The woman was broke and in a mess. MADem Mar 2014 #42

It's awful BeyondGeography Mar 2014 #43

I think it is repulsive and bigoted Bluenorthwest Mar 2014 #59

no you're not the only person... one_voice Mar 2014 #139

What is your alternative? Sheldon Cooper Mar 2014 #19

I think the OP was just trying to make the point that adoptees face a much higher risk of suicide. pnwmom Mar 2014 #24

No, I think the OP was operating a flame-thrower. MADem Mar 2014 #61

We all know that OP has subtextual agenda, that it exploits a real person as rhetorical Bluenorthwest Mar 2014 #63

At 49, Ms. Scott was hardly an adolescent. Barack_America Mar 2014 #28

While I think it is important to be aware that an incrased risk of suicide Ms. Toad Mar 2014 #41

I agree with you--some people are just NOT CUT OUT to be parents. MADem Mar 2014 #47

Well Said! vankuria Mar 2014 #66

I have always felt this way also get the red out Mar 2014 #107

The poster, as I've said elsewhere in this thread, BLATANTLY mis-stated what that study said. MADem Mar 2014 #109

The misrepresentation get the red out Mar 2014 #111

If I had to guess, I would suggest that the thread starter dislikes the concept of MADem Mar 2014 #112

I agree. LeftishBrit Mar 2014 #221

Here is a good article about grief and loss in adoptive children, and how caring adults can help. pnwmom Mar 2014 #45

What does it have to do with a woman who was nearly 50? LisaL Mar 2014 #46

Maybe nothing. I think the OP was just trying to educate people pnwmom Mar 2014 #49

Why doesn't he/she educate people without bringing a completely unrelated case into it? LisaL Mar 2014 #50

Why are you asking me? I just posted an article about grief and loss among adoptees, pnwmom Mar 2014 #51

You have responded in lieu of the OP to questions asked of the OP multiple times Bluenorthwest Mar 2014 #64

You are doing exactly what you are criticizing me for, except with your usual nastiness. Bye! n/t pnwmom Mar 2014 #72

Bullshit! blueamy66 Mar 2014 #54

This explains a lot Ms. Toad Mar 2014 #65

It breaks my heart to think that we might not be enough pnwmom Mar 2014 #77

The issue isn't pretending otherwise - Ms. Toad Mar 2014 #184

I understand, Ms. Toad. Thanks for caring. n/t pnwmom Mar 2014 #186

I already explained to you that she's in an open adoption so it would be especially wrong pnwmom Mar 2014 #75

Fine...tell her that she is adopted.... blueamy66 Mar 2014 #88

She will lead the way. It will be completely up to her when and how much she wants to talk about it. pnwmom Mar 2014 #96

Hopefully her parents will tell her and not you. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #97

My husband's evil stepmother screwed him out of his inheritance after his father died. catbyte Mar 2014 #52

Maybe adoption had nothing to do with her death... Deuce Mar 2014 #55

I have a friend who gave up a child for adoption. Nine Mar 2014 #62

I remember a professor in college that said we were more likely to be mentally ill. mmonk Mar 2014 #69

I hope that obtuse bastard of a professor gave you a "guilty A" for the course! nt MADem Mar 2014 #71

Technically the professor was right. Xithras Mar 2014 #99

Of all of the hateful and misinformation posted as a response in this thread, yours takes the cake me b zola Mar 2014 #131

Nothing I wrote is even vaguely offensive to anyone who understands statistics. Xithras Mar 2014 #143

Ok, I was born in 1961 adigal Mar 2014 #218

Well, the crap you were slinging in the OP--misrepresenting the study results--isn't too swift, MADem Mar 2014 #170

Some people won't like this but, HockeyMom Mar 2014 #73

Here's my view--ain't nobody's business what your husband's aunt does. MADem Mar 2014 #113

OP talked about ripping babies from mother's tits in adoptions HockeyMom Mar 2014 #115

I think the OP is looking to fit his circumstances into a narrative that all adoptions are bad. MADem Mar 2014 #116

That picture is fucked up snooper2 Mar 2014 #78

The headline could also be another narcissist living wildly beyond snagglepuss Mar 2014 #89

how old was she when she was adopted ? JI7 Mar 2014 #114

The OP's "study" is all about children and adolescents attempting suicide. MADem Mar 2014 #117

+1 HockeyMom Mar 2014 #120

i notice the OP tends to do this a lot JI7 Mar 2014 #122

This kind of shit is rude, disruptive and bad for DU. It's hurtful to people who are adopted or MADem Mar 2014 #124

Thanks for this post. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #203

I agree, that graphic is OTT with it's assumptions. bettyellen Mar 2014 #226

What does her being adopted have to do anything? Terra Alta Mar 2014 #171

This is blatantly anti-choice noamnety Mar 2014 #204

Yes, and the sister blames her "barrenness" for the suicide marshall Mar 2014 #205

Really? Four times more likely? adigal Mar 2014 #211

Okay, not to downplay your feelings....BUT blueamy66 Mar 2014 #214

Absolutely! Empathy, compassion, sensitivity, many of these things adigal Mar 2014 #219

Interesting.... blueamy66 Mar 2014 #220

That statistic is completely false. The thread starter took a study that had the words "four MADem Mar 2014 #224

Could not have said it any better. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #232

What bothers me here.. LeftishBrit Mar 2014 #223

Very succinct argument. Well done. nt MADem Mar 2014 #233

The only attack that has been made in this thread is against those who speak up for adoptee rights me b zola Mar 2014 #252

Post removed Post removed Mar 2014 #249