I went to look at kittehs.

[enlightenment]

32. Grits,

A decade ago I noticed that my 14 year old kitty was having difficulty breathing. I rushed him to the vet. After an examination, they told me that he had a cancer and it had spread to the point that his chest cavity was filling with fluid - that's why he was having trouble breathing.

Nothing that would really help could be done - he had gone from being older but seemingly healthy to terminal in the space of an hour - and he was suffering. I was left with no real choice, and so I did what needed to be done and held him as he passed. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.

I'm fighting tears as I write this, and still, after all these years, second-guess the choice - castigate myself for not noticing he was sick - beat myself up for not realizing. The "what ifs" are deadly.

You know you did the best you could. Don't stop looking at those kittehs; remember that in the same way you gave Mousie a wonderful life, you can do the same for a new family member, even if it hurts. I think Mousie would appreciate that, don't you?

*hugs*