Andrea Dworkin NEVER said "all sex is rape"

[Lyric]

207. I'm not sure it's possible to fairly answer this question.

First, because even if it WAS normal by our modern standards, back then, it's likely that nobody thought of it as rape. The stereotypical hallmarks that come to mind when we imagine rape (screaming, fighting back, denial, weeping, etc.) might not have been present--not because of consent, but because resistance was literally futile, and it's easier (and less painful) to just go along.

But consider it from an objective standpoint. Women did not have the right or the ability to say NO--even if they were thinking "No". Even if they didn't want it. And to complain about it risked ostracization, because "good wives" simply didn't talk about things like that. Not to doctors, not to the police, not to their mothers--not to anybody. Have you ever seen the docudrama, "Lovelace"? The story of Linda Lovelace and the making of "Deep Throat"? If not, I recommend it. In particular, the scene where Linda tries to escape her rapey-exploitive husband, and her mother not only refuses to help her, she orders her to go back because God says so, and acts like it's a scandal that Linda would ever have tried to talk about it or get away in the first place.

So...you're in a situation where women couldn't NOT consent. They literally could NOT say No and have that No respected by anyone around them. In a situation like that, is it even possible to say Yes? And have it MEAN anything? How can you consent to something that you never had the choice to NOT consent to? Like slave sex--even if Sally Hemings loved Thomas Jefferson, even if she was aroused and enjoyed the sex they had, could anyone ever REALLY say that slave sex was completely consensual?

In a society where saying No is not legally or socially possible, I think that saying Yes is equally impossible. Consent means nothing when there's no option other than to consent. So it would seem that the argument Dworkin was making, at the time, is that if women aren't allowed the right to say No, then how can ANY sex be anything but non-consensual--a.k.a., rape?

I've never read her stuff, personally, other than reviews and conversational analysis here and there, but honestly--I don't see why that idea is so insanely shocking. It seems pretty logical to me. I'm sure that most women of the time period didn't really think of it that way (which is sensible, because they were still in the midst of that awful dynamic and had never known anything else), but just because it's uncomfortable, that doesn't make it any less true.

The social changes that came about as a result of the sexual revolution and feminism were pretty shocking for the time period--but also very good for society, and not just for women. For example, 40-50 years ago, guys had no idea whether or not their ladies actually desired them. She had no choice anyway--and I can't imagine that that dynamic added much spice to the relationship, know what I mean? Nowadays, unless you're a blatant rapist, there is no doubt. If she's agreed to have sex with you, it's because she WANTS to...not because she doesn't have a choice. Knowing that you are truly wanted makes a pretty big difference in the quality of peoples' sex lives, at least in my unprofessional experience.