Epic win for a three year old little boy who narrowly misses being lost to adoption!

[mzteris]

41. Yes Yes, I do. Wholeheartedly.

Ask my adopted son who would have probaly died if he'd been left with her. Not to mention she was homeless, had no job, a serious drug and alcohol problem. She could've checked into program with the baby, but wouldn't leave her "man" for him so gave the baby to foster care.

Hell, she didn't want to feed him at the hospital because every time she did, he pooped. And no, she wasn't young, in her early thirties. She'd had other children.

He was a preemie. So tiny. So weak he could barely take 1/2 an ounce. We called him squeaker because he couldn't cry. No eye contact. Flaccid and little response. "This one is damaged beyond repair", I thought. I/we held him nearly around the clock. Tried to get him to eat every few hours. It was cause for celebration when he went over 1/2 ounce. We stayed up holding him all night every night for probably six months .. . . he was going through withdrawal.

He bonded with us, even though he saw her and they engaged in person regularly. She had NO mothering instincts. None. Zero. Nada.

Did he bond with us? You bet your ass he did. He loved us, we loved him. He became part of our family from the very first second, even though at the time it was only supposed to be just temporary until she got her act together. He spent a lot of time with her, way more than most fosters, but bonding with her? We tried to keep her in his life for years. We always called 'Mommy Mary'. The only caveat was she had to be clean and sober when she saw him. She'd be okay for a few months and then disappear for months on end. Until I'd get a collect call from the county jail asking if I could put money in her account. I always did. He started wondering why she'd be around and then not. We had to lie, of course.

She was included in his birthdays, Christmas, special events even after the adoption. We made a point to take him to see her on Mother's Day. My husband took him to her family reunions -and kept a vey low profile. We were her support when she became pregnant again, put our lives and plans on hold when she got kicked out of the program she was in and had no place to go... Homeless again, and we took the new baby in (sans social services which proved our/the babies'/my children's undoing. The final straw? She "stole" the baby back ... Yes it was her baby- but no clothes, no formulas, no home, no plan... Then got into an argument that very evening with her boyfriend and left the baby on the sidewalk in front of a bar in December. At least someone there knew her family, such as it was, and called the sister. Where the girl is to this day under a quid pro quo arrangement.

My son, now 15.5. Football, wtestling, field, speaks reads and writes fluent Spanish, plays the cello and takes ballet, jazz, tap and hip hop (because he LIKES it!). He's well balanced, makes decent grades. He works on his impulsivity and anger management (a whole nother story ther about teaching him coping techniques (the result of his very wonderful prenatal car. I tegus I don't have to use the sarcasm smile.) i spent hours and hours for years. He knows some about his birth family, but not eberything. He still has their pictures that I gave him though he rarely looks at it anymore.

He's MY son. Make no mistake. He was always my son, even when we thought he'd have to go back.

Bonding is loving a child, taking care of them, feeding, nurturing, staying up when they're sick and puking, getting up if they have nightmare or just want a drink of water. Kissing booboos and smelling the weeds he brings and putting thm in a vase like the most precious bouquet. Sharing the tears and laughter, the successes, and failures. Being there. Loving unconditionally. tHAT is what makes a parent.