General Discussion

Threedifferentones

(1,070 posts)

104. And the correlary point, from the man's point view:

Sun Apr 13, 2014, 07:47 AM

Apr 2014

He ought to be ashamed when he needs help, especially if it is from a woman.

Oh, what? Life seems overwhelming, and I need support not only to get every task done, but also just to feel sane at the end of the day? Does that make me...not a man?

I really don't get this. Does a woman need rescuing to feel like a woman? Even when I can't rescue her 'cause I am not fucking omnipotent? Meh.

To me it is no wonder so many people are so angry, there is a lot of pressure to shape our personalities like Dunst describes: He is strong and she is weak, she is compassionate while he is analytical, he is the public bread winner and she the private nurturer, and on and on....

And that pressure comes not from one sex or the other, but from people who still believe in antiquated, binary gender stereotypes and roles.

Unfortunately, most people internalize such sexist drivel as kids, so that even if we develop the capacity as adults to see that it is BS, frequently at our core we still feel bound to fit in.

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Kirsten Dunst Says For a Relationship to Work, 'You Need... A Woman to Be a Woman' [View all] alp227 Apr 2014 OP

I do not even know what this means. To be a woman I must be incapable? I need rescuing? seabeyond Apr 2014 #1

Yes. Agschmid Apr 2014 #15

Lol. And how do I reply to that unqualified and absolute yes... seabeyond Apr 2014 #19

It would be nice! Agschmid Apr 2014 #20

funny that a girl with so few happy relationships should give out advice. My roguevalley Apr 2014 #100

it is. i really was clueless who she is. didnt realy care. and have read down below a little seabeyond Apr 2014 #111

I have, upon occasion, needed rescuing. Kber Apr 2014 #53

good for you all. and i hear and respect what you are saying. i have never needed rescuing. seabeyond Apr 2014 #55

Yes you are a woman. Kber Apr 2014 #81

lol kber. and i can certainly go for all that. not the garbage in the Op. nt seabeyond Apr 2014 #83

Her opinion yeoman6987 Apr 2014 #76

why do people keep telling me it is her opinion as if that matters or i care. i do not know who the seabeyond Apr 2014 #77

And the correlary point, from the man's point view: Threedifferentones Apr 2014 #104

i so agree. stuff those emotions boys... cause you are not allowed to feel. have those heart seabeyond Apr 2014 #109

Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama, and Katie O'Malley would disagree. Dawson Leery Apr 2014 #2

being an actress isn't a very traditional role Enrique Apr 2014 #3

Excellent point. nm rhett o rick Apr 2014 #66

yep n/t Liberal_in_LA Apr 2014 #89

Plenty of relationships work with no woman at all BainsBane Apr 2014 #4

and she's an actress.... steve2470 Apr 2014 #5

I feel like Hollywood has been greatly overvalued rocktivity Apr 2014 #6

I'm a little confused. If she believes that the woman should stay home, cooking and cleaning, Nye Bevan Apr 2014 #7

because gender roles are for the little people not the 1% alp227 Apr 2014 #8

I wonder too. Pity, she seemed so enlightened, unlike that Underwood dingbat. Dawson Leery Apr 2014 #10

Too much knee-jerking here LTR Apr 2014 #40

But she works for a very heteronormative industry, Hollywood. alp227 Apr 2014 #41

ah... so cause she voted kerry i am suppose to embrace to pretend to be stupid, so a man feels like seabeyond Apr 2014 #45

that's bunk... handmade34 Apr 2014 #9

Try: Be whoever and whatever you are, and ignore authoritarian parrots who tell you Zorra Apr 2014 #11

She must be feeling like she doesn't want to take on something treestar Apr 2014 #12

Believe it or not, there are more and more younger women who think this way. reformist2 Apr 2014 #13

Actually, no: Dawson Leery Apr 2014 #16

Actually, yes. The new feminism is actually very upsetting to older feminists. reformist2 Apr 2014 #18

Again wrong. The newest feminist. Our teens, lower 20's even younger are vocal seabeyond Apr 2014 #21

I see it on our local university campus all the time. xmas74 Apr 2014 #90

ah. Mama, you be so proud..... lol. give your little feminist a hug from me. please. seabeyond Apr 2014 #91

I'm so proud. xmas74 Apr 2014 #98

i do not know why i thought, but... i am thrilled you corrected me. seabeyond Apr 2014 #114

Every time I say I'm a feminist I feel as though I have to defend myself. xmas74 Apr 2014 #128

agree. i can remember when i started using both liberal and feminist. seabeyond Apr 2014 #132

I'm a liberal in a congressional district that elected xmas74 Apr 2014 #148

That is what I thought libodem Apr 2014 #136

youa re right on, in your post. everything. i hear ya. seabeyond Apr 2014 #138

It isn't just luck libodem Apr 2014 #140

well libo, this is kinda fun. so thank you. i have thought about this, cause this seabeyond Apr 2014 #141

Backward Catholics are behind this "movement" you speak of. Dawson Leery Apr 2014 #22

what issue do the "older feminists" have with 3rd wave? nt alp227 Apr 2014 #25

to put it simply 3rd wave Refuse to Be That Woman. When, in reality they should be Proud to Be Tuesday Afternoon Apr 2014 #130

"that woman" what? nt alp227 Apr 2014 #137

giving you the benefit of doubt here - further explanation = Tuesday Afternoon Apr 2014 #143

i really think you should give alp the benefit of doubt seabeyond Apr 2014 #144

People will just have to excuse me when I doubt the sincerity of another poster when it comes to Tuesday Afternoon Apr 2014 #145

bah hahahahahah. i am woman, hear me roar. k, that is mine. rise. nt seabeyond Apr 2014 #146

... lol ... Tuesday Afternoon Apr 2014 #147

I'll go with not. Iggo Apr 2014 #110

I'll say nope as well. But perhaps that poster lives in a conservative area bettyellen Apr 2014 #120

Leave it to Beaver/Father Knows Best were nothing more than government propaganda Dawson Leery Apr 2014 #14

Sorry lady�my relationship has 'worked' for 50 years and I call bs on your directives. Tikki Apr 2014 #17

plenty of gals think that way, Kirsten Skittles Apr 2014 #23

She'll blame it on mag taking her out of context. JaneyVee Apr 2014 #24

I think Kirsten Dunst is sexy. n/t leeroysphitz Apr 2014 #26

I guess she is perfectly playing her role to suit you. So you're da man. Totally awesome dude seabeyond Apr 2014 #28

^^this^^ Puzzledtraveller Apr 2014 #94

Stephanie Coontz's "The Way We Never Were" vlakitti Apr 2014 #27

Absolutely catrose Apr 2014 #68

Honey, the feminine is UNvalued. Warpy Apr 2014 #29

Cthulu is pleased with her progress Aerows Apr 2014 #30

Now we all know Dunst is NO BRAINIAC. nt valerief Apr 2014 #31

This message was self-deleted by its author Shankapotomus Apr 2014 #32

My bet is. . . . PosterChild Apr 2014 #33

Wow. Mojo Electro Apr 2014 #34

Huh? nt alp227 Apr 2014 #35

no. there is not. what you see in this thread are people adamently disagreeing with her seabeyond Apr 2014 #37

Are you reading tazkcmo Apr 2014 #39

No there is not, LOL. Quite the opposite. bettyellen Apr 2014 #112

If relationships 'work' because theres a man and a woman... bravenak Apr 2014 #36

I don't want a woman to NEED me. tazkcmo Apr 2014 #38

you listen to Cheap Trick? alp227 Apr 2014 #43

Gazillions of times. n/t tazkcmo Apr 2014 #44

kirsten, until this moment, I thought you were at least a moderately talented actress, niyad Apr 2014 #42

Most of those here on DU lillypaddle Apr 2014 #46

"The fundie liberals." ya. no judgment there. or is this only a one way street for you? seabeyond Apr 2014 #47

DUers are fundie liberals? Perhaps if you disprove of liberal values... bettyellen Apr 2014 #64

No, I didn't say that all DUers are fundie liberals lillypaddle Apr 2014 #67

There's absolutely no radically liberal posts in this thread- bettyellen Apr 2014 #70

Why do you think I am talking about "radically liberal" posts? lillypaddle Apr 2014 #74

I agree elias7 Apr 2014 #101

Agree also Jim Warren Apr 2014 #155

i am having all kinds of excellent conversations in this thread. seabeyond Apr 2014 #157

I agree too. blueamy66 Apr 2014 #105

If someone thinks using sexist slurs like b*tch is okay.... bettyellen Apr 2014 #108

actually, i suggest the person who feels it is sexist to call a woman the b word, yet, also is able seabeyond Apr 2014 #116

I'm left befuddled as to what they would post here that would make them bettyellen Apr 2014 #119

i am familiar with what lilly is talking about. i disagree wth her. the point mostly is,.... seabeyond Apr 2014 #121

Yes, pretending that disagreeing with her is rigid or doesn't mesh bettyellen Apr 2014 #125

I have been a member of DU as long as you have lillypaddle Apr 2014 #134

Well then you know when people whine about being "too PC" bettyellen Apr 2014 #149

Excellent post. Bobbie Jo Apr 2014 #158

If she didn't back pedal and pretend it wasn't about DUers... bettyellen Apr 2014 #163

maybe they are not black and whit.e maybe it is you, making these "fundies" into speaking black and seabeyond Apr 2014 #71

I think the tactic being used here is called: Projection. n/t Tuesday Afternoon Apr 2014 #133

You're saying you meant SOME, but you actually said Most. Iggo Apr 2014 #113

Inartfully spoken (written) lillypaddle Apr 2014 #131

No, you clearly called out most DUers and described them as "fundie liberals" bettyellen Apr 2014 #150

It's pure bigotry in reverse rumdude Apr 2014 #65

again DUDE, it is called DISAGREEING. why is only one side, the side you believe in, seabeyond Apr 2014 #72

I agree lillypaddle Puzzledtraveller Apr 2014 #95

This is the way many people feel and it's perfectly normal rumdude Apr 2014 #48

it is also what allows us to have congressman tell women to put an aspirin between our knees, seabeyond Apr 2014 #50

You're conflating completely separate issues rumdude Apr 2014 #59

no. i am not inflating two separate issues. you are just unable to see hwo they are joined at the seabeyond Apr 2014 #63

My great grandmothers would disagree. Delmette Apr 2014 #49

abso fuckin' lutely. as a woman of privilege lectures women to wait for her white knight. nt seabeyond Apr 2014 #51

She was in a movie "Mona Lisa Smile" TNNurse Apr 2014 #52

+1 Dawson Leery Apr 2014 #56

I love my knight in shining armor very much. DeadLetterOffice Apr 2014 #54

Good for you lillypaddle Apr 2014 #75

Nicely stated. Raine1967 Apr 2014 #85

Did she say it through her husband? JoePhilly Apr 2014 #57

She just wants a man that would walk through fire for her. mathematic Apr 2014 #58

Do what you want and ignore the noise LittleBlue Apr 2014 #60

What she said and what you wrote don't seem comparable... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #61

yeah,but it doesn't incite the kind of rage the are addicted to Puzzledtraveller Apr 2014 #97

Not to offend Kristen Dunst or her like... aaaaaa5a Apr 2014 #62

I have been on this planet a lot longer than Ms. Dunst and think I know a bit more rhett o rick Apr 2014 #69

Dunst didn't say half of what people in this thread are reading into it. Demit Apr 2014 #102

i believe she was 12 when instructed to kiss a 31 yr old brad pitt. as much as i like pitt, ya.... seabeyond Apr 2014 #118

Not that that was central to my point... Demit Apr 2014 #135

having a crush on an old man and 31 is an old man to a 12 yr old is different than lip locking. seabeyond Apr 2014 #139

Thanks for the lecture. Demit Apr 2014 #152

"Why do you think I need a lecture". this-----> seabeyond Apr 2014 #154

Got it. Demit Apr 2014 #161

and i feel my reply was perfectly in line to what you gave me. that is why i posted, seabeyond Apr 2014 #162

Very well said! CFLDem Apr 2014 #117

Wow, she makes a few Spiderman movies and suddenly yuiyoshida Apr 2014 #73

Yes god forbid she has an opinion Egnever Apr 2014 #99

OK, so now I'm even less impressed than I was before. progressoid Apr 2014 #78

No, you just need people to be authentic. gollygee Apr 2014 #79

Lesbians, of course, would find an alternate meaning in that elised quote. Ken Burch Apr 2014 #80

Really funny how she would know so much. tarheelsunc Apr 2014 #82

No; for a relationship to work, partners should have compatible expectations. n/t winter is coming Apr 2014 #84

I AM a "knight in shining armor" ismnotwasm Apr 2014 #86

Practically pajamas? Erich Bloodaxe BSN Apr 2014 #160

I'm not sure I'm doing this relationship thing right. noamnety Apr 2014 #87

It is shap'd, sir, like itself, and it is as broad as it hath breadth; it is just as high as it is, MisterP Apr 2014 #88

A crocodile? ismnotwasm Apr 2014 #142

Sounds like she's watched too many "old fashioned" movies/tv shows Proud Liberal Dem Apr 2014 #92

if it works for her then thats great Puzzledtraveller Apr 2014 #93

Are you really going to value her opinion? MrMickeysMom Apr 2014 #96

So.... let me get this straight... kiawah Apr 2014 #103

It's a good analogy because few had a choice .... bettyellen Apr 2014 #115

huh? I've never heard of that happening. can you okieinpain Apr 2014 #124

Wow, you have loads of reading to do then. bettyellen Apr 2014 #126

Here's just a bit of reading: knitter4democracy Apr 2014 #159

thank you. I was wondering if any one was going to bring that up. n/t. okieinpain Apr 2014 #122

My point was to show a double standard alp227 Apr 2014 #129

I didn't read the Kirsten Dunst article LuvLoogie Apr 2014 #106

Aw, what a sweet little idiot. Iggo Apr 2014 #107

I can't even process these remarks. MadrasT Apr 2014 #123

i know. me, too. lol. my first post. i am not knowing what she is even saying.... lol seabeyond Apr 2014 #127

"The feminine..." LWolf Apr 2014 #151

all of this. wonderful. wonderfully said seabeyond Apr 2014 #156

Wonder how she would feel onecaliberal Apr 2014 #153