that I can look back on and believe I made a difference in people's lives. For example, I was assigned a case of a teen who was the county's "most expensive" JD. A couple of days before I got this case, the then-14 year old had been assaulted by his frustrated probation officer. This man beat the kid up.
Today, he lives in a mid-Atlantic state, and we connected on FaceBook a couple years back. He's about 40 now, married with two daughters, works full-time, and has not had a single legal incident since we worked together.
Early on, I attended a meeting at the boy's school. At the end of it, the school psychologist called me aside. He said, "I used to be like you. I didn't think rules applied to me." I asked him what he was talking about? He noted that I was wearing what he called a "blended suit" -- I had on jeans and sneakers, along with a white shirt, tie, and sports jacket. This apparently bothered him at some level. I remain unclear what "rule" I was breaking.
The kid ended up in foster care (luckily, in a very good home, with solid foster parents). A few weeks later, around 11 pm, I was called to the village's police department. I drove through a heck of a snow storm to get there.
The following day, the kid was complaining about most all the adults in his life: his prostitute mother, his brutal, anti-social father, his teachers, the psychologist, the police, etc. His foster mother apologized for calling me the previous night. I explained that was okay; heck, I got paid for it. Then I asked the boy why, if he really had nothing but contempt for all those adults, he gave them so much power over his day-to-day life? I pointed out that it wasn't just one, or even two, but a good dozen adults. If they were his enemies, why was he behaving in a manner that made certain they controlled him?
Now, that alone didn't "cure" him -- far from it. But he remembers that conversation to this day. In fact, he has told me that he has used a version of it with kids he knows. I said that's cool, as it was something that Rubin asked me when I was a teen.
Within a few months, I realized I needed to try something different with this kid, as his behaviors were pretty entrenched for a 14 y.o. So I talked with my brother-in-law, who worked at an area state prison for young men. Then he and I talked to a dozen inmates, who were happy to assist us. I brought the boy to the facility, and we did a version of "Scared Straight." Now, that Rahway State Prison program had been started by the Hurricane; in fact, it originated as Rubin's attempt to reach a tough, teen-aged amateur boxer he knew! (grin)
You have to change the way a person thinks, before you can really hope that they will change their behaviors. And this boy had changed the way he thought. When I told him that although he didn't have to be the person that others wanted him to be, that didn't mean he needed to be the complete opposite. He had unlimited options. He understood that, and he has gone on to live a meaningful life.
One of the things that I really like is when he sends me photos of the artifacts he finds. We spoke last week, and he hopes to come and visit his sister this summer. When he does, he and I will go out artifact-hunting.
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