Rape Culture: One way to say yes, many ways to say no.

[MineralMan]

35. I understand what you're saying, and tend to agree.

However, the conversation about STDs is an important one, and one that should always take place between people who don't know each other particularly well.

I'm an old monogamous married guy now, but certainly wasn't when I was single. The STD conversation was something I had with every person I had sex with. Unless I was reassured about that, I wasn't about to enthusiastically consent to anything.

The "I'm uncomfortable about this" thing is resolvable. Asking why is appropriate, I think, and is not coercive. There are many possible answers. Some are simply "No." Others are about being uncomfortable due to unanswered questions and concerns. If consent is enthusiastic once those questions and concerns are addressed, then the answer is Yes!

At the bottom line of all of this, enthusiasm is the key. It's not enough to "allow" someone to have sex with you. That's not enthusiastic. But, if one person's concern is about something like STDs, then it's entirely possible that the person just wants information. Once satisfied with the information, enthusiastic consent may be the result. If it is, then there's no issue.

That said, I think that discussion should happen at a time when it's not done in the heat of the moment. Couples can discuss sexual issues any time. All too often, though, such things come up at times when canoodling is well underway. For myself, when the "uncomfortable" thing has come up, I have always treated it the same as any "no." At another time, a conversation about what was uncomfortable makes good sense. That seems to me to be a better way.