General Discussion

redqueen

(115,164 posts)

39. Didn't read it. She said no.

Sun Apr 20, 2014, 10:26 AM

Apr 2014

Whether she said she was uncomfortable after, and whatever about STDs - the salient point is that he kept after her after she said NO.

She said no, he kept pushing.

End of.

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81 replies

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Highlight:

Rape Culture: One way to say yes, many ways to say no. [View all] MineralMan Apr 2014 OP

~kick! CrispyQ Apr 2014 #1

Thanks for the kick! MineralMan Apr 2014 #2

I don't think we're teaching empathy MineralMan Apr 2014 #3

BECUZ EMPUTHY IS FOR WUSSES AND MANGINAS DUHHHHHH alp227 Apr 2014 #23

Well, I never had much to do with the "cool crowd." MineralMan Apr 2014 #31

I know that rape and sexual assault are about power, but it also happens because LuvNewcastle Apr 2014 #4

Well, my opinion about that is that if you're MineralMan Apr 2014 #5

Recreational sex isn't really my style, either. LuvNewcastle Apr 2014 #8

I'm OK with it, or was in my younger years. MineralMan Apr 2014 #13

Thank you for posting this. K&R Tuesday Afternoon Apr 2014 #6

And thank you for replying to it. MineralMan Apr 2014 #11

Kicked and recommended! In_The_Wind Apr 2014 #7

k&r, uppityperson Apr 2014 #9

K & R n/t Aerows Apr 2014 #10

Thanks for the K&Rs! MineralMan Apr 2014 #12

What a fantastic way you laid out this op mineral. Nt seabeyond Apr 2014 #14

Thank you. I've been thinking about posting something MineralMan Apr 2014 #15

A friend told me the boys at her son's college, in orientation, Bette Noir Apr 2014 #16

Good for that college. MineralMan Apr 2014 #19

Ha! I love that! Prophet 451 Apr 2014 #76

KnR with naught more to add other than thank you. chknltl Apr 2014 #17

More: How to know if it's "Yes!" MineralMan Apr 2014 #18

Very nice, thank you. MuseRider Apr 2014 #20

I agree with much but disagree with the part about "whining" etc. Jim Lane Apr 2014 #21

Examples 1 & 3 certainly don't sound like rape scenarios. But if the guy's pushy all the time then nomorenomore08 Apr 2014 #22

I disagree. What I wrote is the OPPOSITE of minimizing rape. Jim Lane Apr 2014 #24

Stop minimizing rape, Jim. CFLDem Apr 2014 #27

Let's look at this from another perspective: chervilant Apr 2014 #25

Example 1 is coercion, pure and simple intaglio Apr 2014 #26

Poor examples, all. chervilant Apr 2014 #29

Have you ever heard anyone talk TBF Apr 2014 #28

Real-life conversations are indeed much more nuanced and ambiguous. Jim Lane Apr 2014 #61

I think if you turn TBF Apr 2014 #64

Trust me, I wasn't offering Example 1 as relationship advice. Jim Lane Apr 2014 #67

Nope, I'm not counseling anything other than TBF Apr 2014 #78

Your first example is coercive. MineralMan Apr 2014 #30

I disagree. She said no and instead of respecting that he pressed her on it. If she says no IT'S NO. redqueen Apr 2014 #32

I understand what you're saying, and tend to agree. MineralMan Apr 2014 #35

Didn't read it. She said no. redqueen Apr 2014 #39

No is a complete sentence. KitSileya Apr 2014 #40

"Treat anyone's no as negotiable, and you are enabling rape culture, pure and simple." <- BOOM redqueen Apr 2014 #43

But asking why someone is uncomfortable isn't necessarily enabling rape culture. msanthrope Apr 2014 #77

Follow-up question for redqueen and KitSileya Jim Lane Apr 2014 #63

It's not necessarily a crime, or provable as one at least, but that doesn't make it okay to keep nomorenomore08 Apr 2014 #65

We're talking ethics here. KitSileya Apr 2014 #75

The "was this rape" question involves both law and ethics. Jim Lane Apr 2014 #81

What if the athlete says it in a slightly different manner? Hippo_Tron Apr 2014 #33

It's still coercive. MineralMan Apr 2014 #34

Maybe I'm confusing two different things here Hippo_Tron Apr 2014 #36

Nope. It's still coercive. MineralMan Apr 2014 #37

So how does one tactfully say they don't want to be in a relationship with no sex? Hippo_Tron Apr 2014 #38

Nobody is obligated to continue dating anyone. MineralMan Apr 2014 #41

Right, and that's why I think this is NOT coercive. Jim Lane Apr 2014 #62

Why are you spending so much energy debating where the "line" is anyway? nomorenomore08 Apr 2014 #66

The OP was thought-provoking and I shared some of the thoughts it provoked. Jim Lane Apr 2014 #69

I do not want to date you noiretextatique Apr 2014 #42

I think "I do not want to date you" is a shitty way to break up with someone Hippo_Tron Apr 2014 #46

Yours is closer to respectable. redqueen Apr 2014 #47

Well no, he should find someone who has a similar timeframe about sex Hippo_Tron Apr 2014 #48

He's clearly got a problem waiting for a woman to be ready. redqueen Apr 2014 #49

Well I don't agree that it's a problem, but... Hippo_Tron Apr 2014 #50

no it isn't qazplm Apr 2014 #51

Oh, yes it is. MineralMan Apr 2014 #52

can you cite Niceguy1 Apr 2014 #53

What criminal code? MineralMan Apr 2014 #54

so basically you're just a opining Niceguy1 Apr 2014 #55

I'm having trouble understanding your reply. MineralMan Apr 2014 #56

fixed Niceguy1 Apr 2014 #57

Sexual assault can be defined in law or in MineralMan Apr 2014 #58

I think your op would be more accurate amd better Niceguy1 Apr 2014 #59

OK. Well, thanks for your feedback. MineralMan Apr 2014 #60

So if it's technically not rape by a strict legal definition, then it's a-okay? nomorenomore08 Apr 2014 #70

hmmmm no cause she can Niceguy1 Apr 2014 #71

what a load noiretextatique Apr 2014 #44

whining for sex because, yeah, that is So Attractive ... NOT !!! Tuesday Afternoon Apr 2014 #45

And if in doubt, you can always ask. Merely saying "Is this okay?" shouldn't ruin the moment. nomorenomore08 Apr 2014 #68

Love the use of the "Don't be that guy" line. Ken Burch Apr 2014 #72

The chronology was the other way around. Jim Lane Apr 2014 #73

I didn't know that. n/t. Ken Burch Apr 2014 #74

How about, Brigid Apr 2014 #79

Pretty ugly situation that would require that, for sure. MineralMan Apr 2014 #80