Love the use of the "Don't be that guy" line. (Reply #72)

In the discussion thread: Rape Culture: One way to say yes, many ways to say no. [View all]

Sun Apr 20, 2014, 10:56 PM

Ken Burch (50,254 posts)

72. Love the use of the "Don't be that guy" line.

(for those who don't know about this yet...that's a reference to the "Don't Be That Girl" poster campaign that the so-called "Manhood 101" group has run on various college campuses...a campaign designed to discourage women from reporting rapes by implying that many, if not most rape accusations are false).

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81 replies	Author	Time	Post
Rape Culture: One way to say yes, many ways to say no. [View all]	MineralMan	Apr 2014	OP
~kick!	CrispyQ	Apr 2014	#1
Thanks for the kick!	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#2
I don't think we're teaching empathy	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#3
BECUZ EMPUTHY IS FOR WUSSES AND MANGINAS DUHHHHHH	alp227	Apr 2014	#23
Well, I never had much to do with the "cool crowd."	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#31
I know that rape and sexual assault are about power, but it also happens because	LuvNewcastle	Apr 2014	#4
Well, my opinion about that is that if you're	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#5
Recreational sex isn't really my style, either.	LuvNewcastle	Apr 2014	#8
I'm OK with it, or was in my younger years.	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#13
Thank you for posting this. K&R	Tuesday Afternoon	Apr 2014	#6
And thank you for replying to it.	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#11
Kicked and recommended!	In_The_Wind	Apr 2014	#7
k&r,	uppityperson	Apr 2014	#9
K & R n/t	Aerows	Apr 2014	#10
Thanks for the K&Rs!	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#12
What a fantastic way you laid out this op mineral. Nt	seabeyond	Apr 2014	#14
Thank you. I've been thinking about posting something	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#15
A friend told me the boys at her son's college, in orientation,	Bette Noir	Apr 2014	#16
Good for that college.	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#19
Ha! I love that!	Prophet 451	Apr 2014	#76
KnR with naught more to add other than thank you.	chknltl	Apr 2014	#17
More: How to know if it's "Yes!"	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#18
Very nice, thank you.	MuseRider	Apr 2014	#20
I agree with much but disagree with the part about "whining" etc.	Jim Lane	Apr 2014	#21
Examples 1 & 3 certainly don't sound like rape scenarios. But if the guy's pushy all the time then	nomorenomore08	Apr 2014	#22
I disagree. What I wrote is the OPPOSITE of minimizing rape.	Jim Lane	Apr 2014	#24
Stop minimizing rape, Jim.	CFLDem	Apr 2014	#27
Let's look at this from another perspective:	chervilant	Apr 2014	#25
Example 1 is coercion, pure and simple	intaglio	Apr 2014	#26
Poor examples, all.	chervilant	Apr 2014	#29
Have you ever heard anyone talk	TBF	Apr 2014	#28
Real-life conversations are indeed much more nuanced and ambiguous.	Jim Lane	Apr 2014	#61
I think if you turn	TBF	Apr 2014	#64
Trust me, I wasn't offering Example 1 as relationship advice.	Jim Lane	Apr 2014	#67
Nope, I'm not counseling anything other than	TBF	Apr 2014	#78
Your first example is coercive.	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#30
I disagree. She said no and instead of respecting that he pressed her on it. If she says no IT'S NO.	redqueen	Apr 2014	#32
I understand what you're saying, and tend to agree.	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#35
Didn't read it. She said no.	redqueen	Apr 2014	#39
No is a complete sentence.	KitSileya	Apr 2014	#40
"Treat anyone's no as negotiable, and you are enabling rape culture, pure and simple." <- BOOM	redqueen	Apr 2014	#43
But asking why someone is uncomfortable isn't necessarily enabling rape culture.	msanthrope	Apr 2014	#77
Follow-up question for redqueen and KitSileya	Jim Lane	Apr 2014	#63
It's not necessarily a crime, or provable as one at least, but that doesn't make it okay to keep	nomorenomore08	Apr 2014	#65
We're talking ethics here.	KitSileya	Apr 2014	#75
The "was this rape" question involves both law and ethics.	Jim Lane	Apr 2014	#81
What if the athlete says it in a slightly different manner?	Hippo_Tron	Apr 2014	#33
It's still coercive.	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#34
Maybe I'm confusing two different things here	Hippo_Tron	Apr 2014	#36
Nope. It's still coercive.	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#37
So how does one tactfully say they don't want to be in a relationship with no sex?	Hippo_Tron	Apr 2014	#38
Nobody is obligated to continue dating anyone.	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#41
Right, and that's why I think this is NOT coercive.	Jim Lane	Apr 2014	#62
Why are you spending so much energy debating where the "line" is anyway?	nomorenomore08	Apr 2014	#66
The OP was thought-provoking and I shared some of the thoughts it provoked.	Jim Lane	Apr 2014	#69
I do not want to date you	noiretextatique	Apr 2014	#42
I think "I do not want to date you" is a shitty way to break up with someone	Hippo_Tron	Apr 2014	#46
Yours is closer to respectable.	redqueen	Apr 2014	#47
Well no, he should find someone who has a similar timeframe about sex	Hippo_Tron	Apr 2014	#48
He's clearly got a problem waiting for a woman to be ready.	redqueen	Apr 2014	#49
Well I don't agree that it's a problem, but...	Hippo_Tron	Apr 2014	#50
no it isn't	qazplm	Apr 2014	#51
Oh, yes it is.	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#52
can you cite	Niceguy1	Apr 2014	#53
What criminal code?	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#54
so basically you're just a opining	Niceguy1	Apr 2014	#55
I'm having trouble understanding your reply.	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#56
fixed	Niceguy1	Apr 2014	#57
Sexual assault can be defined in law or in	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#58
I think your op would be more accurate amd better	Niceguy1	Apr 2014	#59
OK. Well, thanks for your feedback.	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#60
So if it's technically not rape by a strict legal definition, then it's a-okay?	nomorenomore08	Apr 2014	#70
hmmmm no cause she can	Niceguy1	Apr 2014	#71
what a load	noiretextatique	Apr 2014	#44
whining for sex because, yeah, that is So Attractive ... NOT !!!	Tuesday Afternoon	Apr 2014	#45
And if in doubt, you can always ask. Merely saying "Is this okay?" shouldn't ruin the moment.	nomorenomore08	Apr 2014	#68
Love the use of the "Don't be that guy" line.	Ken Burch	Apr 2014	#72
The chronology was the other way around.	Jim Lane	Apr 2014	#73
I didn't know that. n/t.	Ken Burch	Apr 2014	#74
How about,	Brigid	Apr 2014	#79
Pretty ugly situation that would require that, for sure.	MineralMan	Apr 2014	#80

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