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Courtesy Flush

(4,558 posts)

51. Neither one should propose

Reply to The Straight Story (Original post)

Sat May 3, 2014, 11:30 PM

May 2014

Last edited Sun May 4, 2014, 12:17 AM - Edit history (1)

(disclaimer: I did propose to my wife)

A marriage proposal, no matter which person initiates it, is a very silly concept. Two people who want to spend their lives together, for some reason cannot talk about it until AFTER they've committed to marriage. That's insane.

If I got down on one knee and said "Honey, we're selling the house and moving to Iceland" she'd think I'd lost my mind. Even if the idea isn't so extreme, she'd fully expect that we would have discussed the pros and cons of such a move, and made a mutual decision on it.

But for some reason, that's exactly how we approach marriage. We don't talk about it, and discuss how each of us feels. We all but jump out of a cake and yell "surprise!" Why do we treat marriage like some kind of Publishers Clearing House prize?

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If It�s OK For Women To Propose, Why Don�t They? [View all] The Straight Story May 2014 OP

There are a lot of stupid traditions and stereotypes we have left to overcome. Oakenshield May 2014 #1

Marriage is one of them...nt Jesus Malverde May 2014 #6

+1 Major Nikon May 2014 #9

+1 million Louisiana1976 May 2014 #27

And I bet you don't have a happy marriage. joeglow3 May 2014 #34

You make many assumptions Jesus Malverde May 2014 #39

Not an assumption. joeglow3 May 2014 #87

Your a gambler...eh? Jesus Malverde May 2014 #89

It has to do with the engagement ring yeoman6987 May 2014 #79

They would have to buy their own diamond engagement ring oneofthe99 May 2014 #2

The whole diamond engagement ring started as a marketing ploy for Debeers alarimer May 2014 #88

They do. Flying Squirrel May 2014 #3

Subtle Hints Like Becoming "Accidently" Pregnant left on green only May 2014 #4

Well... Flying Squirrel May 2014 #5

Or making wedding plans JVS May 2014 #11

Not necessarily although that usually works malaise May 2014 #12

Yes, that's the way women propose etherealtruth May 2014 #21

Well that was insulting theHandpuppet May 2014 #28

Why was it insulting? malaise May 2014 #33

Of course lots of women deliberately get pregnant. boston bean May 2014 #46

Many do n/t malaise May 2014 #48

Many do what? I made a few statements. boston bean May 2014 #49

Many women deliberately get pregnant to get their boyfriends to marry them malaise May 2014 #52

If a man does not want to be a husband or a father, he has choices as well. boston bean May 2014 #53

Oh? Would you say the same to women who get pregnant and want an abortion? The Straight Story May 2014 #57

No, I would not. boston bean May 2014 #77

The difference is, paying child support doesn't carry the risk of death or permanent damage. moriah May 2014 #93

This message was self-deleted by its author davidn3600 May 2014 #64

What century are you in? BainsBane May 2014 #94

What constitutes "many" in your eyes? Gravitycollapse May 2014 #55

Not sure what they see as many, but around here The Straight Story May 2014 #66

Ah, yes UtahLib May 2014 #35

It's all the hussies fault, can't you see! <sarcasm> boston bean May 2014 #47

Yeah, she made him do it. (sarcasm) nt UtahLib May 2014 #50

Yeah, women propose by entrapment theHandpuppet May 2014 #59

And Eve stuffed that apple down innocent little Adam's protesting throat. UtahLib May 2014 #62

Not funny or even accurate. This kind of passive aggressive anti-womanism has no place on DU. Gravitycollapse May 2014 #38

The post that will spawn a thousand posts. Damansarajaya May 2014 #83

"Dude, just don't go there . . . especially here." less than a month and you are so familiar with du seabeyond May 2014 #92

I'm saying DON'T jump into the gender battles. Damansarajaya May 2014 #96

One of my friends' had a GF who took a job and moved 500 miles to follow him to where he was going.. JVS May 2014 #15

This post is a stupid stereotype of women and doesn't belong on DU. Gravitycollapse May 2014 #37

Really? Flying Squirrel May 2014 #60

So you use your one personal experience to say a "significant" percentage of women do it. Gravitycollapse May 2014 #63

Well I must say I understand your remarks here....but The Straight Story May 2014 #65

I really think you need to re-read everything that was actually said Flying Squirrel May 2014 #70

both directly referring to the same thing, appear to be at odds with one another... LanternWaste May 2014 #98

Not really, especially here on DU - it works well The Straight Story May 2014 #100

Two different things. Reading comprehension is clearly a problem here. Flying Squirrel May 2014 #101

Not in this town. Women want the baby, but they don't feel they need the man. DebJ May 2014 #67

It would be awkward and weird... 951-Riverside May 2014 #7

This thread would need a lot of popcorn if people felt comfortable speaking openly on the topic. JVS May 2014 #8

I remember back when my first wife and I were going out The Straight Story May 2014 #13

Ahh, you nutty head-in-the-clouds romantic... Arugula Latte May 2014 #84

Thumbs up for honest discussion. Puzzledtraveller May 2014 #44

Just like men pay for the date and women take the man's name davidn3600 May 2014 #10

except for the ring, I don't know a single person who followed any of those traditions, LOL. bettyellen May 2014 #20

You dont know a single woman who changed her last name after getting married? davidn3600 May 2014 #22

oh hells no, they all work and would like to keep their good names. One friend hyphenates.... the bettyellen May 2014 #23

I will say, one who proposed (and proposed and explained what good marriages were like and proposed bettyellen May 2014 #24

According to this writer in the Guardian, 90% of women change their surnames davidn3600 May 2014 #30

I am 45 and do not know a single woman yeoman6987 May 2014 #80

I actually took a lot of guff for taking my husband's name when we married. WillowTree May 2014 #86

you are right; women who consider themselves to be very "liberated," for lack of a better TheFrenchRazor May 2014 #74

I proposed to my Husband.. HipChick May 2014 #14

I proposed to my husband. Habibi May 2014 #16

We just decided to get married- no proposal involved. canoeist52 May 2014 #17

Jinx!!! Habibi May 2014 #18

Yep canoeist52 May 2014 #19

Because they're told from the time they're babies wickerwoman May 2014 #25

I would say that that is a keen observation (nt) The Straight Story May 2014 #26

And the current under-30 crowd has grown up under regressive gender stereotypes. intheflow May 2014 #32

Historically, Disney is possibly the biggest offender of this davidn3600 May 2014 #40

Yes, but it could be somewhat excused pre-1960s America intheflow May 2014 #45

this is nothing new; unfortunately every generation of young women goes through the same progression TheFrenchRazor May 2014 #75

And it's so hard to fight. Codeine May 2014 #85

I don't buy it hfojvt May 2014 #41

What an amazing insight wickerwoman May 2014 #56

Nailed it treestar May 2014 #54

So they can say you are the one that begged me to marry you n/t doc03 May 2014 #29

With me, there was no formal proposal. MadrasT May 2014 #31

Donna proposed to me. hobbit709 May 2014 #36

People like to have their cake and eat it too. Puzzledtraveller May 2014 #42

hypothetically relationships can be free of gender roles norms La Lioness Priyanka May 2014 #43

Neither one should propose Courtesy Flush May 2014 #51

Good point! n/t DebJ May 2014 #68

Tradionately, marriage is something Go Vols May 2014 #58

Men decide to propose about half the time, in my opinion. pnwmom May 2014 #61

Weddings seem to be one of those things completely drenched in tradition. n/t DebJ May 2014 #69

Why women will never propose to men davidn3600 May 2014 #71

I did. Married 2x, proposed to my first cali May 2014 #72

"Let's get married", I said HockeyMom May 2014 #76

the reality is that straight men and women are very attached to their gender roles; it doesn't TheFrenchRazor May 2014 #73

Back when I was in the Navy I had a lot of girls overseas proposing to me. B Calm May 2014 #78

They do. MineralMan May 2014 #81

Oh God where is the romance? trublu992 May 2014 #82

Your post's last two sentences answer your question. WinkyDink May 2014 #90

Because... LWolf May 2014 #91

i proposed to my husband Scout May 2014 #95

Because they like the tradition of man asking woman MO_Moderate May 2014 #97

LOL! I could have a field day with this one; but it would get real ugly down the road. nt Zorra May 2014 #99