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Darkhawk32

(2,100 posts)

87. I've always considered myself to be a "nice guy" but never tried to push myself

Mon May 26, 2014, 01:43 AM

May 2014

toward any sort of expectation from a woman. Perhaps it's my innate shyness. LOL.

But speaking as a "nice guy", it is frustrating when that friendship starts to turn into something more on one end and it isn't received back. No, the woman doesn't owe the "nice guy" anything, but personally, when I maintained a strict friendship with a girl from college even after she was sent to the ER by her boyfriend over and over again but kept going back, it really takes a toll. It makes you think "Am I so worthless that she'd rather date someone like that over me?" I'm not saying what I felt was right or wrong, I don't know and it's hard to judge many years (20+) later, but being the "nice guy" isn't easy. When she finally moved back to Indiana, it was more of a relief than anything else.

I rarely talk about my experiences and it's usually for good reason.

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The myth of the 'nice guy' and Elliot Rodger. [View all] Danger Mouse May 2014 OP

Could it be that they think they're "nice guys," but are really assholes? Louisiana1976 May 2014 #1

that's part of it. it's more than that, though. Danger Mouse May 2014 #4

This message was self-deleted by its author 1StrongBlackMan May 2014 #102

being an asshole isn't necessarily a game-killer for us gals Skittles May 2014 #6

So you're sayin I have a chance?... awoke_in_2003 May 2014 #25

I'VE HAD IT WITH MEN Skittles May 2014 #26

EGREGIOUS cherokeeprogressive May 2014 #31

I WILL KICK ARMCHAIR ARMY ASS Skittles May 2014 #33

And that's why I ain't joinin' 'em. Instigate... sure. Stand with them? Nope. n/t cherokeeprogressive May 2014 #34

Skittles versus three Armchair Army members? awoke_in_2003 May 2014 #65

I'VE HAD IT WITH WOMEN IronLionZion May 2014 #42

wow NMDemDist2 May 2014 #2

Nice summation from a man that "gets it"... hlthe2b May 2014 #3

Yes, that attitude shows it up treestar May 2014 #5

There is a secret to get women in bed. Half-Century Man May 2014 #11

i really do, always, enjoy your posts. nt seabeyond May 2014 #29

"Each woman is an individual. There's no formula." nomorenomore08 May 2014 #57

I think there is an additional factor for some of them. spooky3 May 2014 #7

As cliche Jamaal510 May 2014 #8

Nice guys finish last Egnever May 2014 #9

ah. lookie. see. more of the story. seabeyond May 2014 #30

cool a stalker Egnever May 2014 #36

right. a thread moments ago. you immediately derailing and dismissing. me discussing. seabeyond May 2014 #38

I saw that too. FreedRadical May 2014 #50

LOL ... 1StrongBlackMan May 2014 #105

Being "nice" doesn't mean being a doormat, necessarily. It's not so black and white. n/t nomorenomore08 May 2014 #58

meh--being a nice guy works out fine, in my experience. Of course, fishwax May 2014 #69

Pretty much. Sadly a lot of guys don't get that... Danger Mouse May 2014 #10

Thanks Danger Mouse tea and oranges May 2014 #12

Everything you say is true JonLP24 May 2014 #13

Yep, I've been there too. VWolf May 2014 #14

Its all bullshit. It was never about women. 951-Riverside May 2014 #15

I think being a "monster" was the whole point....he was a very sick person....a schizophrenic VanillaRhapsody May 2014 #37

+1000 He would have found another convenient grievance for his murderous rage Tom Ripley May 2014 #40

but women are such a convenient target for so many of them. BlancheSplanchnik May 2014 #46

That is true Tom Ripley May 2014 #47

thanks for reading me BlancheSplanchnik May 2014 #112

nonsense GirlinContempt May 2014 #51

you believe that blaming women MAKES HIM APPEAR LESS BAD OR MORE SYMPATHETIC seabeyond May 2014 #52

Well, it is appropriate that you are addressing your heavily-capped astonishment at that poster... Tom Ripley May 2014 #75

i think this was well said. regardless of what you said or not. i do not know that i really paid seabeyond May 2014 #79

Except for the part where I never said... Tom Ripley May 2014 #82

I may have replied GirlinContempt May 2014 #119

No, I don't think that blaming women, Satan, the Jews, the government, the Illuminati, God... Tom Ripley May 2014 #74

Exactly. We don't dismiss the motive when... Danger Mouse May 2014 #96

Maybe you're right. Chemisse May 2014 #93

Another problem with the "Nice Guy" meme Half-Century Man May 2014 #16

Women often go for the "bad boy" types when they' re younger. truedelphi May 2014 #78

not really. that goes along the lines of, .... all women are liars. no more true than seabeyond May 2014 #81

As a supporter of equal rights for women, I don't expect anything from women..... Darkhawk32 May 2014 #17

Anyone.... sendero May 2014 #20

Where did I say that? Thanks for proving my point. n/t Darkhawk32 May 2014 #48

That's a real shame OKNancy May 2014 #23

What's the shame about it? You equate not placing the opposite sex on a pedestal and Darkhawk32 May 2014 #49

The hostility is unnecessary though, in context. Seems over the top. nomorenomore08 May 2014 #61

The hostility is only your perception and your expectation of unwarranted and unearned praise. Darkhawk32 May 2014 #64

Fair enough. Honestly, I'm just scratching my head as to why you seem so angry. nomorenomore08 May 2014 #66

Because vitriol worse than I have ever put forth is being directed on men on DU because of this.... Darkhawk32 May 2014 #68

To be honest, I think the biggest problem here is you taking certain posts so personally. nomorenomore08 May 2014 #73

At least reported inter-gender violence.... Darkhawk32 May 2014 #76

Let me explain... Darkhawk32 May 2014 #77

And that is very wrong, and should not be tolerated. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Honestly. nomorenomore08 May 2014 #80

Oh for sure. The numbers are skewed against women, no denying that, but the amount of violence Darkhawk32 May 2014 #83

I agree that we all play into these "roles," even unwittingly. nomorenomore08 May 2014 #84

I have agreements and disagreements on both sides of gender issues. Darkhawk32 May 2014 #85

No disagreement from me. Violence is an enormous human problem, even more so when nomorenomore08 May 2014 #86

I've always considered myself to be a "nice guy" but never tried to push myself Darkhawk32 May 2014 #87

I've been there too, though thankfully none of the young women (to my knowlege) were physically nomorenomore08 May 2014 #88

But, in seems in DU lately, just having that frustration makes you a misogynist. Sad. n/t Darkhawk32 May 2014 #89

I wouldn't say it's "having" it so much as what you do with it. Or how you express it. nomorenomore08 May 2014 #90

From what I've read, even "having" it got you into trouble. But hopefully, this will pass. Darkhawk32 May 2014 #91

Obviously the woman you knew had some serious issues. raccoon May 2014 #107

actually I was sort of agreeing with you OKNancy May 2014 #94

My apologies. Darkhawk32 May 2014 #109

Nailed it. Now you are a Dangerous Mouse. Thanks. n/t freshwest May 2014 #18

I always preferred nice guys. Never was attracted to overly aggressive guys OKNancy May 2014 #19

A woman with high self-esteem is going to be attracted to nice guys, not jerks n/t Yavin4 May 2014 #100

TATA YOUNG yuiyoshida May 2014 #21

YOU... are da man, of the moment. this is an excellent post. spelled out so well. seabeyond May 2014 #22

I have a serious problem with this OP Shankapotomus May 2014 #24

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying 'jerks' are in the right either. Danger Mouse May 2014 #27

I think it would help Shankapotomus May 2014 #39

false GirlinContempt May 2014 #56

Yes Shankapotomus May 2014 #67

wow GirlinContempt May 2014 #70

Yes, I know Shankapotomus May 2014 #72

This is true treestar May 2014 #32

Honesty Sweet Freedom May 2014 #43

You make a very good point Shankapotomus May 2014 #45

Do what works. lumberjack_jeff May 2014 #108

Whenever someone calls themself a nice or good person wheniwasincongress May 2014 #28

He was just 1NiceShark May 2014 #35

we aren't making it complex GirlinContempt May 2014 #59

wtf does Jody Arias have to do with this?! GirlinContempt May 2014 #62

She was just a crazy 1NiceShark May 2014 #106

actually no GirlinContempt May 2014 #118

Real decent human beings don't need to "act" IronLionZion May 2014 #41

that is one hell of a good editorial. BlancheSplanchnik May 2014 #44

I don't know that anyone believed Elliot Rodger to be a nice guy, except himself. LisaL May 2014 #53

This deserves a kick ismnotwasm May 2014 #54

As a gay guy... DemocraticWing May 2014 #55

Nice! ismnotwasm May 2014 #60

That's a great way to make someone see how ridiculous the "friend zone is a personal insult" Squinch May 2014 #103

Being (genuinely) nice is all well and good, but you have to be interesting too. nomorenomore08 May 2014 #63

Be the best person that you can be. If that's not good enough for some people, so what. Yavin4 May 2014 #97

I think you have the right idea. n/t nomorenomore08 May 2014 #117

Too many "nice" guys think... backscatter712 May 2014 #71

The real prize isn't sex. It's making a true friend. mainer May 2014 #92

This is excellent - should be required reading. K&R nt TBF May 2014 #95

Cripes. 99Forever May 2014 #98

Care to elaborate? Danger Mouse May 2014 #111

Nope. 99Forever May 2014 #115

It's not about being a "nice" guy. It's about being the best that you can be and being happy Yavin4 May 2014 #99

Great OP ... 1StrongBlackMan May 2014 #101

I write it because I know it. Because I lived it. Danger Mouse May 2014 #114

Interesting thread. Laelth May 2014 #104

BecIf your being nice to a woman is contingent on her having sex with you (but viewing her as dirt MillennialDem May 2014 #110

that guy is missing his fedora and more neckbeard. Danger Mouse May 2014 #116

K&R demmiblue May 2014 #113

Interestingly, women are never "friend-zoned"; they are usually rejected outright. alarimer May 2014 #120