I want to know how men REALLY think about women and sex

[DetlefK]

9. Well, somebody has to start.

I'm a heterosexual man and I believe that sex and emotion are less connected in men than in women.

Women have some more or less well-defined criteria what they are looking for in a guy. If he seems to meet those criteria, they are willing to engage emotionally. Sex comes later after a closer inspection.

In men, those criteria are far more diffuse. We don't really know, what we are looking for. We want her to be pretty, because we are sexually attracted to pretty women. But at the same time we want somebody who understands us, somebody with whom we can share our passions.

Let's distinguish people in 3 kinds of classes, depending on how eager you are to get personal with them: "Yes", "Maybe" and "No". While women consider more men a Maybe than they consider a Yes, men have more Yes's than Maybes. And that's because their criteria are less well-defined. Men are not really interested in the woman herself, because their mind is preoccupied with the IMAGE they have of her in their mind.

And what IMAGE do men have of women? It's what culture dictates. In ancient tales the hero got a pretty princess after proving his worth with mighty deeds. In modern times, the increasing demand for entertainment and ever-greater aesthetic perfection has created a race where performers of public interest seek to outdo each other by adhering closer and closer to some abstract standard of beauty.
(Sexualization. Porn. Ridiculously unrealistic photoshopping)
The woman is not a person, but a piece of art. Something to own, something to brag about. A piece of luxury. And how does a man earn luxury? With mighty deeds.

So, that's the basic problem with men: We are essentially looking for two women at the same time:
* We want a woman for our emotional needs. That special someone. Love. But we don't know how to get there.
* We want a woman that looks like the cultural definition of beauty and we think we can get it the same way that we can get other prizes: With success. With money. With heroic quests. By proving that we are REAL guys.

Too many men regard women as a reward, as a consequence of their actions. "I am entitled to beautiful women because of the stuff I have done." They forget that they are not the center of the universe: It's not only their actions that matter. Other people matter, too.



The real challenge would be for a man to engage with a woman emotionally, to open up. An honest exchange of thoughts, hopes, strengths, weaknesses.
But too few men have the emotional maturity to confront and accept their emotions and to share them with somebody else.

"Talking about your feelings? That's for pussies!"