General Discussion

bhikkhu

(10,789 posts)

58. Good points. I can say I had my ideals, but I never got there in real life

Mon May 26, 2014, 06:01 PM

May 2014

I wanted a partner, an equal to share and enjoy life with: I got two (good) kids and a resentful employee - relation failed. "Opening up" was never a good option for me, as she could have a cruel streak and a temper...lesson learned. Simply being a strong person emotionally, being committed and willing to keep giving, only works up to a point, and everyone is ultimately breakable.

I'd say I should have been more careful to begin with but I have my own flaws I'm sure. After the first four years it was more about minimizing risk and loss and saving what could be saved, bearing what could be born, for the sake of giving the kids a reasonably adequate upbringing. All the emotional side is long passed and I'm looking forward to moving on.

My wife and I have already had an "amicable divorce", though we are raising the kids together still, in the same house. I don't know if I would do better if I had to do it over again with a better understanding, but I'm inclined to think, once the kids have grown and moved out, that I may be done with all that. Probably I'm not qualified to say anything here, but in spite of everything I'd still like to think that a good partnership, an equal, giving partnership, would be the best way to share and enjoy a good life.

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

139 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

I want to know how men REALLY think about women and sex [View all] fried eggs May 2014 OP

That's a pretty broad question. Mojo Electro May 2014 #1

I don't know where to begin fried eggs May 2014 #3

Sex/relationships and wealth have a long, storied history Mojo Electro May 2014 #6

Angry men, yes. Laelth May 2014 #12

not similar at all Leme May 2014 #60

I thank you for raising the question. Hopefully it will start men and women thinking genwah May 2014 #2

Wow, you have a very interesting personal history. Beacool May 2014 #87

I've been here for twelve years. lumberjack_jeff May 2014 #4

+1000. Sad, but true. closeupready May 2014 #26

Of course we will libodem May 2014 #31

Did you just opt out here? You can lead some men to water, but... bettyellen May 2014 #38

Weirdly ties right in to the right wing old fashioned idea treestar May 2014 #52

yes, the want a "nanny state" courtesy of us women- we need to make sure they go to the doc, bettyellen May 2014 #56

i think making your partner feel good about themselves is noble, so long as it doesn't come at the dionysus May 2014 #82

Sure. treestar May 2014 #88

i couldn't even make it past the third point in that link before throwing up in my mouth a little, dionysus May 2014 #135

"No, that dress doesn't make you look fat." lumberjack_jeff May 2014 #83

I'm talking about the old doctrine treestar May 2014 #89

I think you're confusing conscientiousness with a big patriarchal conspiracy. n/t lumberjack_jeff May 2014 #91

just curious but, why isn't it dropping like a stone? Skittles May 2014 #96

A hit below the forward stack! Eleanors38 May 2014 #119

Good idea. Laelth May 2014 #5

Good idea face-to-face in the real world. Not on an internet message board. Iggo May 2014 #21

+1 nomorenomore08 May 2014 #64

Should I join discussionist? fried eggs May 2014 #37

Who is a progressive man? n/t genwah May 2014 #42

One who's not an "outright misogynist"? That's a start anyway... nomorenomore08 May 2014 #65

It's very mixed bag over there, with more RW assholes for sure. bettyellen May 2014 #57

I think Shankapotomus May 2014 #7

I disagree. Laelth May 2014 #13

You certainly shouldn't renounce it if it's attainable Shankapotomus May 2014 #23

I agree that it's wrong to shame people who are alone. Laelth May 2014 #33

It helps Shankapotomus May 2014 #36

We are social creatures shedevil69taz May 2014 #101

I agree that marriage isn't for everyone. n/t Laelth May 2014 #131

the responses I get though from people who think it's the holy grail shedevil69taz May 2014 #132

I agree, and with that old saw about stop looking treestar May 2014 #19

Yep Shankapotomus May 2014 #25

I also disagree. Sex is essential for happiness. closeupready May 2014 #28

Depends on the person treestar May 2014 #30

Well, yeah, I was generalizing - naturally, there will be exceptions closeupready May 2014 #32

No, by definition a generalization applies to every data point. mathematic May 2014 #75

Okay, I think I'm done here. closeupready May 2014 #84

Maybe for you Shankapotomus May 2014 #34

+1 redqueen May 2014 #40

For most people. If you don't need it, you are 1 in maybe 100. closeupready May 2014 #44

Absolutely! +1 Everyone deserves the sex life they want and if it's genwah May 2014 #47

Nope PasadenaTrudy May 2014 #85

I absolutely agree Skittles May 2014 #97

The inability to withstand aloneness is a big problem in American society steve2470 May 2014 #105

YOU KNOW IT STEVE Skittles May 2014 #107

yep no ass kicking required :) steve2470 May 2014 #122

This message was self-deleted by its author Warren DeMontague May 2014 #126

that's deep Warren steve2470 May 2014 #127

This message was self-deleted by its author Warren DeMontague May 2014 #128

I think very few are steve2470 May 2014 #129

that is an interesting observation Skittles May 2014 #137

This message was self-deleted by its author Warren DeMontague May 2014 #138

aw the lessons in diversity were amazing Skittles May 2014 #139

Well this will only bring on an attack by the the *s. Delete now or suffer their wrath. L0oniX May 2014 #8

Well, somebody has to start. DetlefK May 2014 #9

I have seen some of this. LWolf May 2014 #14

Very interesting. Thanks! How do you think fried eggs May 2014 #16

Misogyny means hatred for women; if you hated women, would you 'engage with closeupready May 2014 #46

One reason could be that we are taught early on to bottle up emotional issues. Inkfreak May 2014 #51

Thank you SO MUCH for your excellent explanation of objectification and its consequences redqueen May 2014 #41

Good points. I can say I had my ideals, but I never got there in real life bhikkhu May 2014 #58

^^^ This ^^^ ...Thank You alittlelark May 2014 #108

I think you are close but missing one crucial component. TM99 May 2014 #86

"I see immature men AND women daily." PassingFair May 2014 #95

If only, it was 'my' POV. TM99 May 2014 #112

....uh, yeah.... "Again, both sexes are exactly the same." alittlelark May 2014 #110

At the core of human experience TM99 May 2014 #113

Uh, yeah....we are QUITE different. alittlelark May 2014 #115

Imaginations are not reality. TM99 May 2014 #116

No, as someone w/ an Anth degree I can tell you we are. alittlelark May 2014 #117

So is that a BA or Ph.D. in Anthropology? TM99 May 2014 #118

Pedestrian BA looking at something on her heel... alittlelark May 2014 #124

Well, I am not playing your game either. TM99 May 2014 #133

I agree, that's been my experience as well bhikkhu May 2014 #111

Yes, thank you. TM99 May 2014 #121

what men think about women and sex? The exact damned thing that women think about men and sex. seabeyond May 2014 #123

Everyone views things according to their own unique perspective. dawg May 2014 #10

A-mutha-fuckin'-men, my friend! Ferretherder May 2014 #103

I want to know what people think about war RobertEarl May 2014 #11

Interesting, LWolf May 2014 #18

We are different RobertEarl May 2014 #27

There is no one way men and women think. bemildred May 2014 #15

Hear, hear! Not about your first marriage, of which, whatever, but I have also genwah May 2014 #39

I'm on my third, 26 years now. bemildred May 2014 #45

Yay! Good on ya' my best wishes to you and your obviously beloved. From here, it sounds like genwah May 2014 #48

People have individual views treestar May 2014 #17

I have old-fashioned beliefs about sex. dawg May 2014 #20

There's a term for this now. redqueen May 2014 #49

I don't think that applies to me. dawg May 2014 #55

WTF???? Common Sense Party May 2014 #109

There is no one way that all men think about women and sex KurtNYC May 2014 #22

Insightful post. n/t Laelth May 2014 #35

Jealousy is a relationship-killer. Want a good relationship? Be a friend as well as a lover. winter is coming May 2014 #50

Jealousy is ALWAYS a bad sign...... alittlelark May 2014 #125

Then don't ask about it here on DU. closeupready May 2014 #24

Correct. Iggo May 2014 #59

You might, but the prevailing culture on DU won't really allow it. eom TransitJohn May 2014 #29

I notice with some interest that despite many predictions to the opposite this post still exists el_bryanto May 2014 #43

Sex should be like a gift from one to another bhikkhu May 2014 #53

Growing up male can be a difficult thing. Inkfreak May 2014 #54

Be careful what you wish for! WinkyDink May 2014 #61

As a woman Arugula Latte May 2014 #62

I Think the *Range* is Probably a Lot Greater On the Road May 2014 #63

Not sure if you want me to explain men to you Leme May 2014 #66

Heterosexual sex should be no different for women or men Major Nikon May 2014 #67

For men and women, relationships and self worth are related. lumberjack_jeff May 2014 #68

You think that's not true for women? XemaSab May 2014 #69

I've been married for 30 years. lumberjack_jeff May 2014 #70

If women are assumed to be single by choice, from where did the pejorative "cat lady" come from? Hippo_Tron May 2014 #71

Non sequitur lumberjack_jeff May 2014 #81

Wikipedia! and YouTube, documentary was done in 2009 snooper2 May 2014 #90

Were you around in the 80s for the "man shortage" treestar May 2014 #92

At birth, there are far more boys than girls. lumberjack_jeff May 2014 #94

The "man shortage" started at age 25 treestar May 2014 #98

All men don't think alike. Not even close. cali May 2014 #72

so true steve2470 May 2014 #100

I think I'd be a lot happier with the whole thing if we didn't live in a patriarchal society Hippo_Tron May 2014 #73

I like both a lot! IronLionZion May 2014 #74

Does anyone really know HOW the mind thinks? liberal N proud May 2014 #76

Curious question. H2O Man May 2014 #77

"Men" do not have one hive mind. There are as many ways for "men" to think about MadrasT May 2014 #78

Which men? Your premise supposes that all men think MineralMan May 2014 #79

I wasn't asking for someone to speak for everyone else fried eggs May 2014 #134

Sex? Erich Bloodaxe BSN May 2014 #80

I believe women own their own bodies (and men their own as well) and whatever they choose to do... devils chaplain May 2014 #93

it's a complex thing steve2470 May 2014 #99

Huh? I'm a single guy, so all I can say is... daleanime May 2014 #102

Well, I am probably not the most typical male in the world, but... riqster May 2014 #104

men. i really enjoyed reading a lot of what was being said in this thread. seabeyond May 2014 #106

Go to an AA Men's stag meeting in drag dogknob May 2014 #114

I love. Puzzledtraveller May 2014 #120

I believe this holds true for all... whistler162 May 2014 #130

I am in favor of both. yellowcanine May 2014 #136