The Onion’s Tips For Passing Gun Control Legislation

[Orrex]

34. A few

Mandatory gun registration with permanent forfeiture of rights to gun ownership for anyone found in possession of an unregistered firearm, along with escalating jail time for each infraction.

Failure to report a missing or stolen firearm within 24 hours will qualify the owner as an accessory if the firearm is later used in a crime. If the owner claims not to realize that the weapon is missing, then it's the owner's fault for failing to keep track of his guns.

Strong limitations on number of guns owned unless the prospective owner can document why he needs fifteen rifles, six pistols and nine shotguns.

Permanent nationwide database of gun registrations. Any firearm discovered to be missing from that database must be registered upon discovery or else impounded and destroyed, with associated penalties for the owner. Failure to register a firearm renders the owner permanently ineligible to own additional firearms beyond those already legally owned and registered. Database need not be open to the public.

Permanent nationwide database of background checks for gun purchases, and all gun sales must include a documentation of successful background check. Database need not be open to the public.

A failed background check renders the applicant ineligle to purchase firearms for one year. This is cumulative, so that the second failed check will render him ineligible for two years, etc.

Permanent and publicly accessible record of a gun's "trail" from point of import/manufacture to point of sale. Identity of the end purchaser need not be disclosed to the public.

If a firearm is sold without registering its sale and the successful background check, and if the firearm is later used in a crime, the seller forfeits all current firearm-related inventory and is permanently barred from future firearm sales, with mandatory imprisonment for future infractions.

Any crime committed with a stolen or unregistered firearm will carry a mandatory 20 year sentence in addition to sentencing for the crime itself.


That's a few for starters. I'm sure that gun advocates will rail against them as the frenzy of a gun-grabbing nanny state, but I'd rather set an overly ambitious goal, knowing that any result would fall far short of that goal.