.... attempting to make some point about statistics, which is in fact mathematics, and thus the only exact science? (By my 50 year old education anyway.)
NEAR zero would be acceptable. "So damn close as to be viewed as zero" is very subjective and is not acceptable to me. How much is so damn close? It was close enough for it to be a certainty for three people, so it kinda depends on who you are.
One of my (many) pet peeves is the way people take liberties with our language, and seem to be able to make things up and interpret words any way they like when trying to prove a point. We have a language. Words mean things. Yes, the language and words change over time, but so many people seem to want to get away with "words mean anything I want them to mean." That is not acceptable to me. ZERO means ZERO. It has a specific meaning. It doesn't mean "really, really small." (That would be infinitesimal.)
Another example is the people who want to say that the phrase "We don't need you to do that, sir" is a command. There is no way in the structure, grammar or definitions of the English language you can say that. (Not to be construed as any defense of the racist vigilante.) But people are saying that it is to try to make a point.
Sorry to rant on you. Nothing personal. I just have a thing about precise language when debating or trying to make a persuasive point. To me, it really hurts credibility when the language is misused. I do have exacting standards in that situation. It must be the Engineer thing.
Peace.