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onethatcares

(16,994 posts)

133. my dad beat me.

Sat Jun 14, 2014, 04:49 PM

Jun 2014

I don't mean spank, I mean beat me, with a belt, his hand, a board any thing he could. worst part of it, I always remember my mom saying "wait til your father gets home", and you cannot fathom how it is to be 6 or 8 and be waiting for your dad to come home knowing what was going to happen.

I left at 16, never moved back..

I've never outlived that and it's made my life a hell because I didn't know how to be a parent.

he died a little while ago and I feel no remorse, I felt none at hearing of his demise.

Now I see the chickens coming home to roost and although I didn't treat my kids like punching bags, I didn't have the conversations

or personal interaction a lot of parents do. As much as I try now, there is no going back to change the past.

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DUers, what did your dad do or say during your childhood that has influenced how you live [View all] malaise Jun 2014 OP

Everything. elleng Jun 2014 #1

I was a daddy's girl myself malaise Jun 2014 #5

Daddy made pancakes! elleng Jun 2014 #13

I actually know that - Sputnik malaise Jun 2014 #15

YOU GOT IT!!! elleng Jun 2014 #138

The really funny thing is that my sis didn't go to law school until after dad died malaise Jun 2014 #139

'Funny.' elleng Jun 2014 #141

"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.' My dad was big with that one steve2470 Jun 2014 #52

and you do follow that, I have noticed. bettyellen Jun 2014 #198

thanks, I do try nt steve2470 Jun 2014 #250

Sit outside and look at the stars JustAnotherGen Jun 2014 #2

Dad's oldest sister taught is about the stars malaise Jun 2014 #17

Another one - political in nature JustAnotherGen Jun 2014 #79

He clearly didn't buy the exceptional BS malaise Jun 2014 #112

This message was self-deleted by its author meti57b Jun 2014 #3

He said the only thing that matters is the truth BeyondGeography Jun 2014 #4

Profound and important malaise Jun 2014 #18

My dad told me I'd never make money as an artist and should learn how to type abelenkpe Jun 2014 #6

Ha malaise Jun 2014 #20

When I was say 3 years old...he took me to hear President Kennedy speak. FarPoint Jun 2014 #7

Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah malaise Jun 2014 #28

My sweet father-in-law used to call me Sis, almost from the first time I met him... Tikki Jun 2014 #8

Honest work is nothing to be ashamed of. JNelson6563 Jun 2014 #9

And that's the truth malaise Jun 2014 #31

Nothing. former9thward Jun 2014 #10

OK then malaise Jun 2014 #22

"neatness counts" --- he was an accountant aikoaiko Jun 2014 #11

Mom was the neat freak malaise Jun 2014 #23

"Religion is the biggest scam on the planet." Arugula Latte Jun 2014 #12

Did we have the same Dad? Kidding, but sufrommich Jun 2014 #19

My Dad hated Catholics tazkcmo Jun 2014 #189

Wise man malaise Jun 2014 #24

Question authority. Luminous Animal Jun 2014 #14

Dad lived that malaise Jun 2014 #26

Yep! Mine, too. He died when I was 18. I'm 56 and I still miss him. Luminous Animal Jun 2014 #124

he didn't want sons, but he wanted self-sufficient daughters fizzgig Jun 2014 #16

He was clearly a progressive malaise Jun 2014 #27

My father was an exceptional man. Arkansas Granny Jun 2014 #21

You had a great dad malaise Jun 2014 #32

It was more what he didn't say that counted LadyHawkAZ Jun 2014 #25

Bet that gave you lots of self esteem malaise Jun 2014 #33

It's probably the reason I'm still standing n/t LadyHawkAZ Jun 2014 #40

seriously? lol. wonderful question. i still tell my father at 74... thank you. for being the seabeyond Jun 2014 #29

Lovely malaise Jun 2014 #35

i did. i do. i wish it on every child, knowing that will not be the case. nt seabeyond Jun 2014 #54

Tried to choke my mom to death with his bare hands NickB79 Jun 2014 #30

Freaking wow!!! malaise Jun 2014 #38

similar feeling--mine tried to choke me to death with his bare hands zazen Jun 2014 #73

It's true - some of us had great dads but we know that malaise Jun 2014 #82

. randome Jun 2014 #83

with the question asked, seabeyond Jun 2014 #216

Nothing that I remember. Tierra_y_Libertad Jun 2014 #34

Ouch! malaise Jun 2014 #39

I wish Turbineguy Jun 2014 #36

Smart uncle malaise Jun 2014 #43

No slouch, he... Turbineguy Jun 2014 #104

. Lurker Deluxe Jun 2014 #37

Profound malaise Jun 2014 #45

He said so many things that have influenced me, that it's hard to MineralMan Jun 2014 #41

Sounds like a great man malaise Jun 2014 #49

Yes, he is. He's 89 years old now, and MineralMan Jun 2014 #57

They sure grew up faster than we did malaise Jun 2014 #60

I will do that. And, yes, they grew up fast. MineralMan Jun 2014 #62

Here's one I forgot, and it's one of the most important: MineralMan Jun 2014 #63

Funny malaise Jun 2014 #65

It's probably the core of all wisdom, really. MineralMan Jun 2014 #67

I agree 100% malaise Jun 2014 #71

I know you do. I've seen you laughing at yourself. MineralMan Jun 2014 #72

If you can't laugh at yourself malaise Jun 2014 #76

Do something with it.................. wandy Jun 2014 #42

I like his world view malaise Jun 2014 #51

Doing nothing is a conscious choice.......... wandy Jun 2014 #70

I had to make a hard decision re a friend's mother recently malaise Jun 2014 #74

For the times that no action is the only option............ wandy Jun 2014 #116

He said I will never have a house as nice as his itsrobert Jun 2014 #44

And you proved him wrong malaise Jun 2014 #53

He said, "Life isn't fair." theaocp Jun 2014 #46

That's one of the great truths of life malaise Jun 2014 #55

Everything steve2470 Jun 2014 #47

You had one nice dad malaise Jun 2014 #58

He drank himself to death. I haven't. nt valerief Jun 2014 #48

Lesson well taught malaise Jun 2014 #59

Despite good intentions, truebluegreen Jun 2014 #50

We learn lessons from them regardless malaise Jun 2014 #61

Yes. Especially in that generation... truebluegreen Jun 2014 #75

Yes that generation had it hard and their main priority was to put that food on the table malaise Jun 2014 #78

He gave me a strong aversion to all debt except the house mortgage Warpy Jun 2014 #56

I never heard dad talk about money malaise Jun 2014 #64

Both my parents played the stock market Warpy Jun 2014 #81

You're cracking me up here malaise Jun 2014 #84

"Jealousy, hate and worry, will kill ya. Leave 'em alone." MerryBlooms Jun 2014 #66

Excellent advice malaise Jun 2014 #68

Dad always encouraged me to read shenmue Jun 2014 #69

Dad had his own library downstairs malaise Jun 2014 #86

Much. My Dad would have been the best DUer ever. Bluenorthwest Jun 2014 #77

What a great post - your dad was a great man malaise Jun 2014 #87

He left when I was 12. randome Jun 2014 #80

But did anything he said or did influence malaise Jun 2014 #91

One thing he said that is noteworthy but I'm saving that. randome Jun 2014 #100

No it's not narcissistic at all malaise Jun 2014 #103

No dad. Grandpa was my buddy. He had a firm sense of who "we" were. "We're Yellow Dog Democrats, txwhitedove Jun 2014 #85

Sounds like a wise old man malaise Jun 2014 #88

"Don't ever be afraid to think." frogmarch Jun 2014 #89

It's amazing how many of us have these profound one liners which guided us malaise Jun 2014 #95

Like others here are saying about their exceptional dads, truedelphi Jun 2014 #90

You had a wise warm loving friend for a dad malaise Jun 2014 #98

he whistled, and drew cartoons Voice for Peace Jun 2014 #92

I wouldn't forget that either malaise Jun 2014 #99

My dad descended from German Freethinkers............ Capt.Rocky300 Jun 2014 #93

Bet you still love being a part of nature? malaise Jun 2014 #102

Absolutely. Being "out there" is a huge part of who I am Capt.Rocky300 Jun 2014 #121

Nothing. Chan790 Jun 2014 #94

sobriety is the textbook definition of "necessary but insufficient". . . zazen Jun 2014 #101

You had it hard malaise Jun 2014 #106

He taught me the dignity of work, and the virtue of moderation, and to depend on myself. nt bemildred Jun 2014 #96

I'm betting that was by word and action malaise Jun 2014 #107

By example. We never talked much, too big an age difference. bemildred Jun 2014 #109

Was too critical treestar Jun 2014 #97

Yes too much criticism damages self esteem malaise Jun 2014 #108

Know that one well my self. DeadLetterOffice Jun 2014 #202

... Whisp Jun 2014 #245

"Reagan you were a two bit actor and now a worse President!". DCBob Jun 2014 #105

LOL - he was 100% correct malaise Jun 2014 #110

Yes indeed. DCBob Jun 2014 #113

If you can't do a good job stand aside and let someone else do a good job! n/t RKP5637 Jun 2014 #111

lied to a judge he knew about my grandparents health post custody/divorce reddread Jun 2014 #114

Ouch! malaise Jun 2014 #117

For all our dads - living and dead malaise Jun 2014 #115

Yes. Buy a tuxedo and find a reason to wear it once a month. beaglelover Jun 2014 #118

Smart man malaise Jun 2014 #119

He said I could do or be anything marlakay Jun 2014 #120

I can call up my parents' voices at will malaise Jun 2014 #127

. snagglepuss Jun 2014 #122

Its what he didn't say that influenced me. bahrbearian Jun 2014 #123

So true malaise Jun 2014 #130

He kicked a major smoking habit cold turkey. ananda Jun 2014 #125

Bet he got the required strength from her malaise Jun 2014 #131

My dad and step-dad chowder66 Jun 2014 #126

Lucky you - good caring parents malaise Jun 2014 #129

Thanks. They are all very smart and wise people. chowder66 Jun 2014 #132

This is a really beautiful thread. nt chowder66 Jun 2014 #128

my dad beat me. onethatcares Jun 2014 #133

But he did teach you not to treat your kids like punching bags malaise Jun 2014 #136

To be responsible for your family dem in texas Jun 2014 #134

family. frank and bob. i am so glad you had those two men step in. seabeyond Jun 2014 #140

He sure taught you rough lessons malaise Jun 2014 #142

My father reminded me of Jack Torrance in THE SHINING. raccoon Jun 2014 #135

True but I'm betting your kids share our planet malaise Jun 2014 #143

Thanks, but only kid I have a a 16-year-old feline. raccoon Jun 2014 #273

Despite the fact he was from the south, he was very egalitarian with people of every race aint_no_life_nowhere Jun 2014 #137

It explains you -great dad - even greater man malaise Jun 2014 #145

I am trying hard to think of something. 3catwoman3 Jun 2014 #144

"Don't make excuses. Do the best you can with what you've got". <Best lesson. jtuck004 Jun 2014 #146

If that was easy, what was hard malaise Jun 2014 #149

Watching my mom die from cancer starting when I was 6 and ending when I was 9, and jtuck004 Jun 2014 #159

It made me tougher and less likely to tolerate stupid malaise Jun 2014 #178

Too short-tempered, but I try to work on that. Sometimes. <G>. n/t jtuck004 Jun 2014 #255

Look it up in the dictionary. seaglass Jun 2014 #147

The recent 20 game Jeopardy winner, Julie Collins malaise Jun 2014 #150

I don't think he ever recovered from WWII. joanbarnes Jun 2014 #148

That's not the worst lesson malaise Jun 2014 #152

Union President Iris Jun 2014 #151

Explain please n/t malaise Jun 2014 #217

shop chairman, a position in UAW, self-described socialist democrat Iris Jun 2014 #299

Yep that would teach you about real democracy and the 'little guy' malaise Jun 2014 #300

He was friendly with people from all races & never bragged about it. lovemydog Jun 2014 #153

You're clearly one of the lucky ones malaise Jun 2014 #154

We have vice laws so that we will always be vulnerable to arrest and this will make us McCamy Taylor Jun 2014 #155

I see it in all your posts malaise Jun 2014 #157

Help those who are less fortunate than you. JDPriestly Jun 2014 #156

You live it malaise Jun 2014 #162

My dad was a Methodist minister, and he lived it. JDPriestly Jun 2014 #174

"You'll never amount to anything, you sissy... AlbertCat Jun 2014 #158

Bet you're a good artist? malaise Jun 2014 #161

Two things come to mind, in this order: Aldo Leopold Jun 2014 #160

Sound advice malaise Jun 2014 #163

stay out of debt if you can... n/t ProdigalJunkMail Jun 2014 #164

Sound advice malaise Jun 2014 #166

for those who can ProdigalJunkMail Jun 2014 #167

"Late to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise!" calimary Jun 2014 #165

And sometimes you learn beneficial things from both kinds of lessons malaise Jun 2014 #168

Thanks, malaise! Love you! calimary Jun 2014 #173

My Dad told me to... proReality Jun 2014 #169

He used to beat the shit out of me and my brothers. MohRokTah Jun 2014 #170

I don't remember things my father said FlaGranny Jun 2014 #171

HE sure taught you lots of great stuff - wonderful dad malaise Jun 2014 #179

Two things stick out. ladyVet Jun 2014 #172

Great lessons malaise Jun 2014 #180

My father the iconoclast tea and oranges Jun 2014 #175

You had a great dad malaise Jun 2014 #183

He was a great influence tea and oranges Jun 2014 #252

My dad was a cop and I've never forgotten this advice: catbyte Jun 2014 #176

Seriously too many people don't know how to scream when facing danger malaise Jun 2014 #184

You said it! He said you can get over embarrassment, death, not so much. catbyte Jun 2014 #193

nothing to emulate Duppers Jun 2014 #177

Awful but your malaise Jun 2014 #186

My Dad told me to get SevenSixtyTwo Jun 2014 #181

Most folks would kill for a good mechanic malaise Jun 2014 #188

Honest tazkcmo Jun 2014 #182

OK then malaise Jun 2014 #190

my dad was non-judgemental and kind....big heart. he taught me love and happiness.... spanone Jun 2014 #185

hope my kids like/love me as much- They will malaise Jun 2014 #194

malaise.... spanone Jun 2014 #197

Quietly lives a green life drmeow Jun 2014 #187

Wonderful malaise Jun 2014 #196

He was registered as a drmeow Jun 2014 #218

He understood the true meaning of conservative malaise Jun 2014 #223

He did! eom drmeow Jun 2014 #236

Left my mother and me when I was 12, as we thought he was going to work. Came home 2 weeks later. I WinkyDink Jun 2014 #191

Complicated - that's it malaise Jun 2014 #199

Thank you very much for your reply. WinkyDink Jun 2014 #208

Lots of shit for me NOT to pass on to my sons. DeadLetterOffice Jun 2014 #192

Well at least you can laugh at some of the lessons malaise Jun 2014 #201

Laughing is my solution to most of life. DeadLetterOffice Jun 2014 #210

I know lots of folks who are just like you malaise Jun 2014 #211

He LWolf Jun 2014 #195

I'm on your side here malaise Jun 2014 #204

I thank my mom daily LWolf Jun 2014 #246

Be financially self sufficient Aerows Jun 2014 #200

You have a great dad malaise Jun 2014 #205

I will :) Aerows Jun 2014 #212

Daddy use to say that we were stage left Jun 2014 #203

That's how we build self esteem and a sense of self malaise Jun 2014 #206

"You can take the boy/girl out of NYC, HockeyMom Jun 2014 #207

Question malaise Jun 2014 #213

Born, raised, HockeyMom Jun 2014 #274

Well, he's kind of a wing-nut, so I basically chose to do the opposite and it has served me well. alarimer Jun 2014 #209

He was violent herding cats Jun 2014 #214

He taught me that violence is not the answer malaise Jun 2014 #228

ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE! nt Logical Jun 2014 #215

He didn't Prophet 451 Jun 2014 #219

He told me I wasn't a good writer. I write. cali Jun 2014 #220

Did he write? malaise Jun 2014 #226

No. He didn't write cali Jun 2014 #254

That must have been crushing at that age malaise Jun 2014 #257

My biological dad's positive contributions ended mythology Jun 2014 #221

I think you learned all the important lessons malaise Jun 2014 #224

My Father taught us to respect everyone from a human viewpoint, and to be healthy, active and eat Todays_Illusion Jun 2014 #222

Nice lessons malaise Jun 2014 #229

My Dad Smoked Liberal_Dog Jun 2014 #225

Both my parents smoked until Dad couldn't get his brand malaise Jun 2014 #227

My dad was amazing. He grew up during the depression, born to an alcoholic dad and PATXgirl Jun 2014 #230

You had a great dad malaise Jun 2014 #233

He told me it was my fault my mom drank. Adsos Letter Jun 2014 #231

Your dad had no understanding of alcoholism malaise Jun 2014 #234

It's true, he didn't. n/t Adsos Letter Jun 2014 #238

He Said... WiffenPoof Jun 2014 #232

Isn't that the truth malaise Jun 2014 #256

As a small child he took me to a bank and help me open a checking and savings account and Drew Richards Jun 2014 #235

Nice dad malaise Jun 2014 #295

My dad read to me and told stories. I learned to read at the age of four and since Louisiana1976 Jun 2014 #237

Good dad malaise Jun 2014 #288

My Dad used to rub his hands together and look at the 3 of us with a gleem in his eyes and say MuseRider Jun 2014 #239

That was rough but you learned the value of love malaise Jun 2014 #286

I learned how to read instructions & double-check driving directions. xfundy Jun 2014 #240

Bwaaaaaaaaaah malaise Jun 2014 #287

Hmmm. Well, in addition to leaving me something of a mixed bag, genetically Warren DeMontague Jun 2014 #241

I love this malaise Jun 2014 #258

Thanks. It's sad, he died way too young. Warren DeMontague Jun 2014 #267

This malaise Jun 2014 #269

My Dad once put some dimes KT2000 Jun 2014 #242

What a lesson in honesty malaise Jun 2014 #259

More things than I could ever list. 99Forever Jun 2014 #243

The best and most decent man I've ever known malaise Jun 2014 #260

Thanks to him, I have a top-notch BS detector, can ID an MRA in 5 sentences, and am a feminist. politicat Jun 2014 #244

You clearly learned good lessons from a bad person malaise Jun 2014 #261

I say you are blessed indeed to have in youself, a way to have a different adult life for yourself. Todays_Illusion Jun 2014 #298

He hated liars Generic Other Jun 2014 #247

Yep malaise Jun 2014 #262

Three things, mainly... pipi_k Jun 2014 #248

Nice post malaise Jun 2014 #263

The one thing that really matters Glitterati Jun 2014 #249

Yes I know so many people malaise Jun 2014 #264

One thing comes to mind shanti Jun 2014 #251

Important lesson there malaise Jun 2014 #265

Dad.... defacto7 Jun 2014 #253

LOL malaise Jun 2014 #266

Don't even consider borrowing what you can't repay dipsydoodle Jun 2014 #268

Wise words malaise Jun 2014 #270

off topic dipsydoodle Jun 2014 #271

For more than football reasons as well malaise Jun 2014 #272

That's not football, that's soccer. randome Jun 2014 #275

All you need to know is ctsnowman Jun 2014 #276

My Dad is a Right Wing Shankapotomus Jun 2014 #277

Well patience is a supreme virtue malaise Jun 2014 #281

Abandoned his family because Demobrat Jun 2014 #278

Damn malaise Jun 2014 #282

"Straighten up and fly right!"--he was in the Air Force panader0 Jun 2014 #279

Dad played this often malaise Jun 2014 #283

he also used to say "Why are your eyes so red?" panader0 Jun 2014 #285

I guess you were meditating a lot malaise Jun 2014 #289

He taught me to read from the newspapers and loved to talk about current events and history at a bettyellen Jun 2014 #280

Nice dad malaise Jun 2014 #284

He told me that people had to earn trust and respect and to start with the notion that all people Darkhawk32 Jun 2014 #290

all people are full of shit until they prove otherwise malaise Jun 2014 #291

It has served me well and when I didn't abide by that notion, I got burned. Darkhawk32 Jun 2014 #297

"Never underestimate the power of the human mind to rationalize." mahina Jun 2014 #292

Wise words malaise Jun 2014 #293

My dad killed himself before I was 1 year old after being a drug addict who abused my older brothers Shoulders of Giants Jun 2014 #294

Well that was a profound influence malaise Jun 2014 #296

Do as I say, and not as I do . orpupilofnature57 Jun 2014 #301

"Can't never did do nothing" Uben Jun 2014 #302

My Dad DUgosh Jun 2014 #303