Fathers Day - the dad I had, and the dad I am.... [View all]

[NRaleighLiberal]

These "Hallmark" days, as I tend to think of them, can be pretty complicated days to navigate. Especially now at 58, with my dad now gone 7 years, and my two girls out of the house and doing well, there is much to reflect on.

As for the dad I had - I am fortunate to have great memories of the man. He was funny, gentle, sensitive, interesting, very able - and didn't even finish high school (his family was very poor and he left school to work to help support them), though the education of my brother and I was extremely important to him. I can certainly thank him for my similarly silly sense of humor, my love of gardening (it's all his - and my grandfather's - faults that I am so deeply into it), and my dislike of cigarettes (he and my mom had their most heated arguments over his smoking; later in life, once he finally quit, he called them devil sticks and hated that he ever got hooked, spent so much on them when we were struggling as a young family, and exposed us all to the smoke)....though his jobs were pretty basic and didn't pay well, he on occasion held down three at the same time so that my mom could avoid going to work herself (long story ...she had the burden of her own mother - guilt is an amazing tool - as well as raising my brother and I). He was my girls' favorite relative, the one to spend endless time on Christmas mornings working through their gifts, coloring, playing games, telling them stories. He still looms large in our lives - he is a constant presence with me as I toil away digging in the dirt. as I said...I am lucky.

And...the dad that I am - my girls, 29 and 33, are as close to me (and my wife) as ever - we've made the transition from the parent/child to the peer/friend relationships. Yesterday we spent the day with the younger who lives close by - in a few months we will be in Seattle to see the older one. We discuss and enjoy many of the same movies, music (the Seattle trip will include an Arcade Fire outdoor concert!)....we cook together, share our challenges with each other. On fathers day I tend to think back and rue this or that omission - was I patient enough when doing homework with them? Was I preoccupied with my stressful careers to the point of not spending enough time and attention with them? Whatever the shortcomings may have been have, I guess, been forgotten, because all seems to be very well now. Throughout my parenting, I called upon memories of my own father's parenting - and it served me well. As my wife and I always said, they send you home from the hospital with these little beings with no instruction manual. Talk about improvising!

Anyway, it's a good day - a quiet one....I am doing just what I enjoy doing - spent the morning gardening, will spend the afternoon watching the red sox, then we will have a nice dinner and walk the dogs. Lucky indeed.....and am thankful for it every day. I don't look for exciting or extraordinary - just days like today are perfect.