I had the most humiliating experience of my life today at work.

[Drunken Irishman]

92. Thanks, everyone!

I knew you'd boost my spirits.

In a way, that's partly why I posted it.

Don't worry. I won't give up on going to the gym. In fact, I went shortly after this post for an hour and a half because I felt even more motivated by her disgust. I wish I could say, as some have suggested, that she was just hitting on my coworker, and maybe, in some way, she was, but it wasn't necessarily even what she said that hurt - it was the look she gave my photo when she looked at it. I've never seen someone look at me like that.

It hurt.

I'll be honest with you guys, I've had body issues dating back to junior high. I was always a skinny kid, someone who never put on weight, and extremely popular and chased in elementary. When I got to junior high, though, and hit puberty, everything changed. My looks changed. I gained a good amount of weight between seventh and eleventh grade. I went from the guy who most every girl crazed over in elementary (at least, the girls who liked boys) to not even being noticed by a great deal of the girls in junior high and high school. I wasn't an outcast or anything, and I had relationships, but I was never satisfied with my body.

The summer before senior year, I lost a great amount of weight. I went from about 210 to 160 by the start of school - all within months. When I returned, after a summer away, my friends were quick to praise how good I looked. For the first time in a looooong time, I actually had people openly complimenting my looks. It felt good. I'm not going to lie. It brought me back to elementary and how I remember all the girls thinking I was the cutest. It helped wash away the angst and disgust I had throughout most of junior high and high school. For the first time in years, I was actually satisfied with my body and looks. I kept the weight off a long time, but recently, I gained a great deal. I went from 135 a year out of HS back right to 210 in 2013. Last year was the worst. I think much of it dealt with my new job, which kept me at work until after 9 and pretty much forced me to live off fast food because I was too exhausted and it was too late for anything else. I ballooned. I knew I was ballooning because my pants weren't fitting, shirts were way too tight, and I just could see it in the mirror. The mirror really never does lie. Then I was laid off, and had to go get another job. I got the new job, went in for my photo, while still employed at my old job, and saw my badge the first day of training. Comparing that photo to the one on my badge from my old job is night and day - and we're talking less than a year. My heart sunk at the sight and it was pretty much at that point I decided to work things off.

Since, I know I've lost weight. I can see it in my face and in my clothes. Pants that I bought just three months ago, that didn't fit (that was depressing, let me tell you) fit now. In fact, for the first time, I actually wore those pants today. That's the kicker. I put 'em on and was so happy they fit after not even being able to clasp it not too long ago.

Then this...

So, yeah, I know I shouldn't take it personally. But it's hard. I wish I could say I just let that shit roll off my back, but it hurt. The look hurt so much. It was awkward and hurtful enough that even my coworker knew what was implied.

But hopefully in a couple months I look even better and feel better.

Lord knows I've done it before...